BLAKE

G:Chapter 12; Goodbye

The airport bustled with people leaving and coming, and as my brother gathered his bags time seemed to slow to a stop. I couldn't stop the hot tears from escaping my eyes as he and his friends- my friends- said their goodbyes. As I hugged the last boy goodbye, sobs heaved out of my body and he slowly rubbed circles into my back. I couldn't help it... The boys would be gone for a year, and if there were any way to see them, it would cost a fortune and a half.

"So this is it?" I asked when I finally let Calum release me.

"For now..." Luke replied.

"You won't forget me, will you?" I let out a shaky laugh.

"That's impossible."

Silence somehow overcame the airport as I looked each boy up and down, just in case the impossible did occur and I never saw the four again. Tours lead to more tours, and the fear of losing my brother to fame always crept into my mind.

"I love you guys..." I whispered.

"We love you too, Bee."

-~-

August 1, 2016

Adelaide, Australia

-Log 1-

Okay... So my name is Blake Hemmings. I am twenty years old. And I have Hyperthymesia. It doesn't affect me as much as it used to. I'm trying to rebuild my life, slowly. My brother and his best friends are in a band called 5 Seconds of Summer. They try to visit, but that's rare nowadays. Tour gets in the way, you know? Luke is dating a girl named Arzaylea, and as far as I know, she has not a clue of my existence. I was once in love with a boy named Calum, Luke's best friend and bandmate. He's dating a girl named Nia. She doesn't know I exist, either. Michael is another bandmate, and he is the only one who talks to me consistently. We talk at least once daily, and I even talk to Ashton sometimes. Ashton once loved me. He's one of my best friends now. I am in a rehabilitation center for my memories- my Hyperthymesia. In two weeks, I will be okay to leave and live my life. So long as I take my medication, I can live normally again. According to my family and my memories, I was a sad person before the car accident. I'm making sure that my life will never be like that again. I'm still young. I can still live happily, if I try.

-~-

"How do you feel, Blake?" My therapist, Loretta, inquires.

I shrug, paying more attention out the window than to her. "I feel fine, like always."

"Okay. You know where I am if you need anything." She leaves my room without another word.

Being alone, finally, I pull the blue notebook out of my bookshelf. Loose papers and Polaroid photos fall out, and shaking fingers pluck one of them from the carpeted ground. I see a younger me- not dramatically younger, only a two- year difference- but the boys next to me look dramatically different. Any effort to prevent tears failed, and before long, the photo isn't clear in my vision. Those times- the ones in the photo... I have to let them go. Luke did, quite easily, so that's exactly what I have to do. Otherwise, I can never be happy. I can't have my past be a part of my future, because in the past was when I had the most problems.

I slide the photos back into their places in my journal, and almost return the book to its place on the shelf, but a piece of paper catches my eye. I slide the paper back in.

Not now... I'm not ready now.

My Hyperthymesia acts in funny ways. Some days I can remember back to when I was thirteen. Others, I can't even remember when I was in the hospital. My medication is slowly healing that, though, along with my journaling. I check the journal everyday to add new memories and to read old ones so they don't slip away. Through this process, I'm healing.

In other words, if I want to get better, I can remember the old times, but never relive them.

-~-

I was listening to P!ATD while writing this, and I feel like the chapter's not that bad so I'm a happy gal.

Thanks for reading... I know the book is screwy right now but I'll be editing vigorously soon so don't worry it'll be better... I hope.

xx,
m