My Lovely Jerk {Completed}

Chapter - 26

My heart clenched as I sat down in a wooden pew and looked forward to find Uncle Ford in the front row balling his eyes out. It was a pitiful scene as his wife, Aunt Lilac, tried to comfort him. However, one could easily note that she was trying not to mimicking her husband’s grieving actions because she wanted to stay strong for him.

Deciding to stop staring at Uncle Ford and Aunt Lilac, I glanced around the room and realized there was slightly more people here then yesterday for Kat’s funeral. I also couldn’t help but notice the drifting gazes and whispers in my direction as people noticed me - ‘The girl that survived unscathed from the wreck’ was what they said about me in their hushed tones.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at what they said because I was far from unscathed due to the wreck. I’d memory loss and no concept of the world the eighteen-year-old Elle lived in. It was a parallel universe that I was forced to live in and figure everything out, practically on my own.

Sighing, I pushed all thoughts out of my head and tried to tune out everyone as I just focused forward. My eyes soon took sight of how Randall’s casket wasn’t open like Kat’s was. “Do you know why his casket isn’t open?” I questioned to Ian who sat silently next to me.

He looked over and down at me. “I only know of two reasons the casket would be closed. One, the family requested it or two ... his body was really badly injured from the wreck.”

My eyes sunk down and focused on the denim material of my jeans as I self mourned Randall’s death and prayed that the family requested that the casket be closed and not the latter that Ian told me about.

“Don’t cry,” Ian breathed in my right ear. Reaching over he touched my cheek and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. “He wouldn’t want you to cry,” Ian exclaimed in a low tone.

Turning my head, I faced Ian. “I c-can-’t help it,” I admitted. “He was-s my other half. He knew-knew me ... mo-more than-than anyone.” My voice hitched at the end as I sucked in some air that my body neglected to collect before I spoke.

Ian gave a deep frown, “Elle, he is not dead. He is finally home...”

“Why did he have to go?!” I shouted as I stood up in anger. The room fell silent and I knew people were really looking at me now, but I paid no heed. “He was everything to me! He was my friend! He is not home! He ... He ... He is dead...” With that spoken I collapsed on the floor, in the isle of my pew. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I roped my arms around them in order to keep my legs close to me. “He was too young,” I mumbled as I saw Ian, in the corner of my eye, move in front of me. “It should have been m-me. I sh-should have died. H-ee sh-should hav-have lived-d!” I cried.

Ian pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around my trembling figure. “Elle, you have no control over these things. His death was meant to happen,” he wisely spoke.

Turning in his arms, I moved so my face was up against his chest. Grabbing a huge chunk of his white cotton shirt, I pulled him close to me and cried heavily into his chest.

As Ian soothed me by rubbing circles in my back, I couldn’t help but allow my body to run through a thousand different emotions. At first I was feeling angry. Angry that he was gone and I was never going to be able to see his face or hear his laugh.

Then sadness hit me like a train.

After sadness, guilt cascaded over me for the fact that I was upset that I didn’t feel these emotions when it came to Kat’s funeral yesterday. Even though I didn’t remember her then, I should have cried! I should have felt something other than shame for not remembering her fully.