Test me| (Jungkook/Halla)

29- Busan

Driving away is the hardest thing, I've ever imagined.

First, there was Dad, packing my boxes and suitcase into the car, not even filling it up. I don't cling onto useless things.

Then there's mom, closing me into her arms. Softly, again. It's still new to me but I hug her back. I'm still surprised, when I can feel her tears on my shoulders and when she whispers into my hair, that she will miss me.

Granny is the next one to embrace me. She says nothing at all, till I release from her grip.

"Come back as soon as you can", she says to me sternly and I can do nothing but nod.

I will. As soon as I can.

When Dad opens the car door for me and I sit down on the front seat, my mind is blank. Too much things to think about. Too much persons.

I don't want to think about it now.

But as soon as Dad starts driving, tears come spilling over as we drive by Jungkook's house.

I breathe in deeply and Dad awkwardly starts an conversation.

I will miss you so much.

I shake my head, vigorously. Not now. You'll stay in this car.

I listen to Dad and try to figure out, what he is telling me, keeping me somewhat occupied from thinking.

Let's do this, Halla.

We leave Seoul.

Don't cry. Let's focus on your relationship with your Dad.

Then you can return.

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Busan is nice, but it's not my home.

There are a lot of people. More than I've seen in Seoul, but it feels like I just stayed in one place back then.

With Jungkook.

I like the beach. The waves.

I start liking the night again. Dad and I have talks. We talk about everything. He pleads to forgive him. He doesn't beg for anything else. Just that. The rest, if I want to stay in contact with him or not, it's up to me.

And I appreciate it.

Although I don't know myself either.

It hurts me everytime, I notice that he hasn't changed that much. Every night, he changes. On day, he only has this one look in his eyes, guilt and disappointment. But at night, when we walk down Busan beach, his eyes look more hopeful, more calm.

I like that.

I miss him. I do, so much. On these nights on the beach, I finally feel a little closer to him again.

Our relationship changes. And at the end, I feel almost comfortable with him, still careful, but at my last day, I finally manage to smile back.

Still, Busan is so lonely.

And as we get to his flat and I lie down in my bed, I cry myself to sleep. Like every night.

I miss them so much. All of them.

I miss Mom, Granny, Hyu Jin, BTS... Jungkook.

I try my best not to fall hard, whenever my mind drifts off to the thought of him. And, boy, it does every time I close my eyes, I simply blink.

Everytime I'm alone or I'm not.

I can't think of anything else.

He's always on my mind.