Pressure [hs au]

16 - Delusory

Word Count: 3686

"Let us commend Mark Winters to the mercy of God..." I tune out Father Martyus, staring at the small, dark oak coffin in the ground.

I couldn't process what was all happening, my mind revolved around one core thought, 

"Mark isn't dead."

So many people showed up for the funeral today. Not just from his class, but the majority of the school came. I hadn't realized just how popular Mark was. 

Practically the whole town had come, actually. Family and close friends all traveled down on such short notice, from all around the world too. 

You'd think it would be heartwarming to see just how many people Mark had touched in his short life-time, but it just made this a hundred times harder. 

Valerie got in contact with Maryanne, who passed down her message to me. Apparently I had won a couple of awards at the showcase, Harry got one as well, but she had pulled the professors aside and just said I had to leave because of a family emergency. 

I turn my head around, looking behind me at the crowd watching the men lower Mark into the ground. Valerie and Xander are watching me carefully, silent tears streaming down their faces. Other people weren't as quiet though. 

We, my direct family and I, sat under a tent, shielding us from the snow falling. Everyone else stood, bracing the cold with red noses and tear stained faces. 

I feel a hand squeeze into my shoulder, and take that as my cue to turn back around. The casket moved slowly, eventually disappearing from my sight. 

I go through the motions, reading the short speech I had written about Mark and I's relationship before tossing a small handful of dirt in the hole. 

This felt wrong. This all felt very wrong. 

The final service ends, and people say their final goodbyes before dispersing. 

My mother had planned a lunch for our whole family and some close friends at some restaurant in downtown. 

I didn't see the point. Why were we all supposed to go out and act like this was normal, like nothing bad has happened. 

Like my brother wasn't fucking dead. 

The car ride was over in seconds, and I now sat at a table eating a salad I didn't want. The rest of my brothers and sisters were off, talking to people at the lunch, and my parents sat in the center, mumbling things to each other that no one else could hear. 

Valerie was across from me, poking at her salad as well. Xander sat next to her, and Abbidah sat with my parents. Harry sat to my left, and the rest of the table was filled with random relatives. 

I honestly wasn't expecting Harry to stay, I even told him that he should go back to school the day before the wake. 

He wouldn't have a second of it, insisting that he stay for me. It warmed my heart, but I still felt broken. 

Almost as if when Mark was being lowered into the ground, a part of me was buried with him. 

His right hand layed on my thigh, tapping gently whenever I would blank out and stare off into space. He kept me focused on what was really going on around us. Valerie would try to start a conversation with me every now and then, but gave up too quickly, leaning her head on Xander's shoulder in exhaustion instead. 

Harry hadn't said much to me since we sat down at this table, he just kept his hand on my leg, letting me know he was there. 

Which was nice.