My Deadly Mistake (Jerome Valeska/Gotham FanFiction) [Book 1]

Painful Regrets

~ Jerome's POV ~

"Mhmmm you feel so good..." the girl above me breathes out. I keep my eyes closed as I feel her move up and down me faster. I keep my hands on her hips, holding her in a spot where we both will reach our peaks quicker.

We have been going at this for a week now, ever since I had my fallout with Rhiannon. Tonight is supposed to be special though. Tonight we finally got everything arranged for our big reveal. The guys are pretty pumped since we are finally going to be able to release some chaos on this city.

I'm excited for it too, and we all decided to celebrate. Greenwood managed to get plenty of girls for everyone even though I've had my distraction ever since I've got back. Dobkins somehow managed to get plenty of booze and Helzinger made sure we had food. We all just partied and eventually we all went to our rooms to end the celebration.

So here I am, with some girl whose name I don't even know even though we have been having sex with each other for the past week. She's great, but even then she's not enough. She's not enough to make me forget about her...

That's the thought I'm thinking when I feel her walls clench around me and her gasp as she collapses onto my chest. I didn't even come close to reaching my peak but I don't really care. It's not proving to be a good distraction anymore.

I lift her up and slide out of her, dropping her on the side of me. She giggles as she snuggles up besides me. Her hand comes up to touch my chest, her fingers trailing on my skin, a light touch. The touch is soon followed by her lips where they start to leave the lightest of kisses on my chest.

If it was her...this would be amazing...fuck stop it Jerome. Stop it. It's over with her...you ruined it.

Her hand is trailing down when I tell her, "Leave." I can feel her eyes on me, but I keep my face turned from her. I need some time alone now. I don't even glance over at her as I hear her climb out of the bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor as she walks out the room.

It's when she's gone that I climb out of bed and move through all the crap that now litters the floor. A whole week's worth of trying to forget the one person who can bring me down. A whole week's worth of trying to forget one girl can be seen in the countless alcohol bottles, condom wrappers, and tangled bed sheets.

I haven't even unpacked my bags from the trip, and it's when I'm rummaging through the bag looking for a shirt do I see her. I pick up the small square piece of paper, feeling the weight of guilt fall on my chest as I gaze at her, remembering what I did to her when she told me that we couldn't be together anymore.

Of course I was angry when she told me. How could I not be? I had stuck my neck out for her when I went on that trip with her, and for her to tell me that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore when we got back of course made my temper flare.

But...I let my temper get the best of me, and most of what I said I didn't mean. What hurts me now is that I feel Rhiannon believed it all. I thought that perhaps she would have seen that I was just lashing out. It's when I look back and I remember how heartbroken she looked when I told her that I used her for my own purposes...my gosh why did I tell her that?

I thought that after everything we've been through...I thought she would realize that I do love her...despite what all the shrinks and doctors say...I love her. I love her and I can't be without her.

And that's what scary...what if after everything I've told her, what if she finds she can move on? I shouldn't doubt the love she has for me, but how can she love someone like me, especially after everything I did to her?

I forced her to go on a trip she didn't want, I forced her to go to a class reunion that she didn't want to go to in the first place, I killed someone for her sake without even thinking how she would feel about it. I hit her after I told her that I would never do that to her again...I was beating on her in the end...I was close to raping her.