I HATE College .

Chapter 15

The previous days were just police investigating things making sure what I said really happened. I thought very deeply about what would have happened if Derek, Jacob, and Leslie's boyfriend hadn't came to rescue me. "Babe, what would have happened to us if they had raped me in front of you?", I said curling up next to him. "I would have to kill them", he said looking down at me. I shivered of the thought. "You work out with these ?", I said walking over to the corner pointing at the large weights . "Yeah, I have to stay fit, this doesn't just happen", he said lifting his shirt pointing to his abs. Nothing too hard but shows very nicely. "Your so full of yourself", I lightly shoved him. "Anyways I'm going to get going I'm feeling a little tired", I said kissing him and leaving shortly after. "Your going to go walk again by yourself ?'', he scolded me. "I thought not", I threw my hands in the air. He then walked me over to my dorm.

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 Derek's P/O/V - 

The next day I went over to pick up Phoebe from her dorm. We wer'e going to pick up some lunch and hang out in my dorm till it gets a little dark. We bought the food and headed over to our dorm where we watched a few movies. Eventually play fighting. "Say I flip you over right now", I said while she had me in a headlock. "Please don't", she hysterically laughed while I transferred her over to the carpet floors. I pinned her arms down while my body hovered hers. "Wow babe how many bracelets are on your wrists ?", I said counting them while her smile turned into a frown. I released her while she pulled back at her hands. "What's wrong ?", I said turning her face to me. " I grabbed her wrists again. "What the hell happened here ?", I said looking at scars on it where the bracelets covered them. "Derek please", she tried to explain. "Don't", I said angrily. "You cut yourself Phoebe ?!", I felt my heart break. How could anyone cut themselves ? "Do you know what that shit can do Phoebe !?", I said probably scaring her but I dind't care at the moment. "It wasn't even a fresh cut Derek !", she argued back. "Then when was the last time you did this ?", I said grabbing her wrists. "Stop it", she pleaded. She didn't want me to know which frustrated me. It bothered me. "Your hurting me", she said as a tear rolled down her face. I let go immediately. "Am I not good enough ?", I said turning away from her . "Are you not happy with me !?", I said mildly yelling. "Tell me, tell me when your last cut was Phoebe, tell me now", I demanded. "Yesterday", she replied crumbling to the floor. "Get out", I firmly said.

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Phoebe's P/O/V -

The words he spoke "get out", echoed through my mind. I looked up at him with tearful eyes. How could he be so mad at me enough to treat me in such a way. I got up immediately and took my stuff and ran out the door. I ran so fast i could feel my heart beating in my stomach. I barged into my dorm and grabbed a pen and started to write. I don't know to who but I started writing. I immediately started pouring my eyes out. I couldn't bare it anymore. I grabbed the note and ran out of my dorm and into the girls showeroom that was vacant.

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Derek's P/O/V -

I can't believe I acted like that. Self-harm just effects me so much because my best-friend took his life. It's something you can't stop. I feel so helpless due to the fact I can't do anything about it. I went to go look for her. Her dorm door was halfway open no one inside. I saw Phoebe's purse on the bed so I know she's been there. I looked throughout whole girls dorm side and didn't find her at all. I heard the water running in the showeroom. I knocked. "Phoebe ? Anybody in here ?", I asked opening the door peeking inside. I couldn't even believe my eyes. The sinks full of blood and Phoebe on the floor. I ran and fell next to her. "Phoebe ! Phoebe ! Phoebe ! Baby please ! Wake up baby. Please don't do this don't leave me please I'm nothing without you. I'm sorry", I cried and my voice breaking. I felt no pulse. Things felt unreal to me. I got up blood over my clothes and walked over to the paper that layed next to her. 

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Dear Derek, 

I'm sorry you found out. It was always something I had to deal with. I'm not right in the head , I'm not good enough for you Derek. I cut myself to help me cope with the pain people cause me or the pain I cause myself. You seemed so perfect and all i saw in the mirror was a worthless piece of living space. I hate who I am as a person. Remember yesterday ? Nothing would have happened if I were not there. If I had not been here. I love you so much and I didn't mean to do this. I won't be able to meet you in heaven I'm sorry for that. I don't know what you saw in me. I'm so worthless. Don't stare at me too long I don't want to scar you like you scared me. The only difference is that you scared me positively. Derek I love you saw much. I missed out on so much experiences I could have had with you. I'm going to miss the way you hold me. The way we cuddle. The way you made me feel beautiful even though I knew I wasn't. The bad part is I didn't even get the chance to make love to you. My inner demons are to blame. They took control and ruined my life forever. You will always be my first and last love. I love you to death. Literally. I'll always be with you but I'm afraid once your gone from natural causes ill be long gone. Too gone that it's dangerous to find me. Move on Derek and find a girl much better than I ever was. Just be careful because I still love you more than anybody ever will. I will always be with you. I won't be seen but on your gloomy moments I'm there. Always. I love you Derek .

                                                                                                                             - Phoebe

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Not sure if this is the end .

-Shakira-