All you need is love

This is who I am

Im the girl who lets people put me down as I believe I'm not worthy enough for anyone.

Im the girl who is self conscious about everything and believe everyone is judging me.

Im the girl who is amazing at lying and pretending everything is okay when it isn't.

My name is Sophia Rose and I once had light in my eyes and hope in my heart. Now Im a teenager who sits in my room and cries myself to sleep at 3am when everything is slowly breaking apart. I know what its like to go to school and pretend there is nothing wrong when there is. I remember when I was younger I would learn about depression, anorexia, self harm and anxiety in health class and I would wonder how people would get to that stage in their life. Yet, years later, here I am sobbing on my bathroom floor at 3am considering If i should take my own life or not.

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It has been three years since I was diagnosed with depression. Since then I can honestly tell you that my life has been a living nightmare. I go to school pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. Nobody is noticing that my happiness is being sucked right out of me. My parents believe I'm just tired and a good nights sleep will fix me straight up. Its not just a lack of sleep, but a lack of hope and happiness that makes me feel this way. My friends just think I need to go out more and live my life. Honestly it isn't that easy. As i have gotten older, i have understood why some people drink their nights away, smoke their lungs black or throw themselves off buildings.

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I woke up to the sound of my stupid alarm. I grunted loudly and rolled over to turn it off. I stretched my body and swung my legs off the side of the bed. I grabbed my phone and checked all of my social media accounts. Same old, no messages, no likes, no retweets. I stood up and walked over to my window. I drew my curtains and let the fierce sun rays touch my light pale skin. I stood there for a minute letting my brain focus on school. Yay, today I'm going to have to be surrounded by fake people who i dislike very much. The thought of me faking a laugh and a smile for the whole day made me feel extremely tired.

I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The cold tiles underneath me made my body shiver. I climbed under the water and washed my hair and body. The warm water woke me up so I was half ready to face the day. I dried myself down and changed into my school uniform. I don't even bother with makeup as no-one looks at me, so all I did was brush my hair and pack my bag. This morning before I left, I threw my fist into a fucking mirror because i hated looking at the thing that no-one likes.

The car ride to school was pretty awkward. My stepdad and I aren't really close so we don't talk to each other as much as i would like. Mum was called into work early so she couldn't take me. I tried to start a conversation with him but he turned up the radio. If he is gonna play like that, I plugged my headphones in and blasted my music. It doesn't  bother me though, Im just a sad teenager who puts all of my hope into the fact that plugging earphones in will make me feel like I'm not alone. The car ride to school is a far distance so It gives my mind a time to overthink and kill whatever is left of my happniess.

I walked down the long corridor to my first class. I was clutching my folder in one hand and phone in the other. I walked through the door and all heads immediately turned my way which made me feel like shit. I walked to the back of the classroom placing my folder down on the desk and grabbed  my pencil case out of my bag. 30 minutes into biology, the classroom door swung open and In walked one beautiful guy, with the best eyes and brightest smile. He made me blush and feel nervous (more nervous then i already was). He handed a note to the teacher then walked up the back and sat next to me. As he went to sit down he faced my way and gave me a little smirk.

This my friends is where it all started............ (end of chapter 1)

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Hey Guyssss, Bailey here.

Hope you guys enjoyed the first paragraph of our new book. This book will be written by two girls.. Kelcie and Myself. So sorry that this first paragraph was a bit dark and sad. Just wanted you guys to feel for Sophia and understand her life.

if you have any questions or comments, please follow me on Instagram and message me through there xxx l love you all xx

Instagram- baileymeyer12