12:01 (Sequel to Midnight Man)

chapter two/it's okay to miss him

mom: you haven't done anything productive
me: i wrote a chapter of my fanfic actually
mom: what
me: what

waking up in another bed never feels right.

there are a few blissful moments between wakefulness and sleep that i can pretend it's tyler warming up the bed next to me. i cherish those as long as i can possibly trick my mind to before i try to remove myself from the bed carefully. then i leave zack's sleeping form - maybe he's awake, i don't care to find out. i immediately take a shower, rinsing off the sadness.

sometimes i want to punch josh dun in the face. i don't even consider myself the same person as him. josh dun is a whining baby who decided to kill the one good thing in his life, and cry about it later. josh dun is an absolute pussy.

i sigh, turning the water off and wrapping a towel hastily around myself. i wipe the steam from the mirror, eyes fixating on the tiny scars left engrained on the right side of my collarbone. tyler had held on a bit too tight that night.

i leave the room then, not ever interested in staring at those makes longer than i have to. i bump into a stumbling zack in the wall, and brush past him as inconspicuously as i can. padding down the hall to the kitchen, i push past thoughts of tyler.

we live in his apartment, actually. zack managed to get it after he died. we replaced the furniture though, and i can't remember which room used to be tyler's. i guess that doesn't matter. it's not like his presence would hang around this place.

i pour myself a bowl of cereal, routinely turning on the news. it's an ocd lifestyle, that of a killer. always watching, always covering up tracks. i don't know how tyler did it. as i set my bowl down on the table, i remind myself that he clearly didn't do it well seeing as i suspected him almost immediately. i remind myself also that i was supposed to stop thinking about him.

i shake my head, sitting down and focusing on the crime section of the news. some guy robbed a family owned business, but other than that there's nothing about dead bodies or suspected murder. jenna must've done good.

"everything clear?" zack walks in then, grabbing orange juice from the fridge and drinking it straight from the carton.

i wrinkle my nose at the sight. i document a note to self to give up orange juice. "everything's fine."

"is that tyler's?" his eyes squint as he eyes the worn fabric.

"maybe," i look away, continuing to crunch my cereal.

"josh, it's okay to miss him." he says exhaustedly, as he's told me a hundred times before. i don't have to look up to know he rolled his eyes while saying it.

"i don't miss him," i shove back my chair, clattering my bowl in the sink even though i wasn't finished.

"you're wearing a dead guys sweatshirt."

he must've rolled his eyes again.

"i got cold," i state dismissively.

"it's 90 degrees right now."

"i've caught the flu and it's causing my body temperature to go down further than normal," i stretch.

"just admit you loved my brother and you're wearing his clothes because you miss him," i turn around to confirm he rolled his eyes.

"i didn't love your brother," i say matter-of-factly, slipping into my shoes in the entryway. "i am wearing his clothes because i got a cold, and i could never miss a self-centered, egotistical, gutless prick."