12:01 (Sequel to Midnight Man)

chapter five/were we friends

[ triggs 4 cutting ]

laying next to tyler brings about many memories. i shudder through every vision of the boy's naked torso sprawled across mine, our hip bones jutting into each other. i push aside the images of his soft facial features resting during the night, moonlight casting a beautiful glow.

"are you okay?" tyler asks from where he is curled up quite far from me on the queen sized mattress we lay on.

"sorry am i fidgeting or something?" i wonder, kicking myself for keeping him awake.

"a bit," he rolls over, curious brown eyes connecting with mine.

"i'm sorry," i struggle to breathe.

"what's wrong?"

"nothing."

a lie. another lie. how many times have you lied to him josh? how many times has he lied to you?

"okay," he shrugs, moving closer on the bed.

"what?" i turn my head to look at him. he's brought his knees nearly up to his chest, curled up in a ball on his left side facing me.

"you don't want to talk about it yet. that's okay," he assures me.

"why are you so nice?"

the question slips out before i can think about it, and the silence thickens around us. i stare pointedly at the ceiling, willing for tyler to have somehow not heard. you're such an idiot.

"should i not be?" he responds after a moment.

"i guess that's up to you," i murmur, meeting his eyes again.

it's a battle as soon as they connect. mine being to repress the urge to kiss that innocent gleam off his face. his being to figure me out before i look away. mentally, i wish him luck.

"i'm going to be nice to you josh - erm..."

"dun," i offer.

"josh dun? like d-o-n-e, done?"

my heart catches in my throat. those exact same words... they're what he asked me that night at the park.

"um, no. d-u-n."

"oh," he laughs softly. "anyway, i'm going to be nice to you josh dun. the past is the past, and i can't remember it any way."

"can you really just forgive like that?" i ask.

"like what?"

"like... someone could've done something horrible to you, and just because you can't remember, you're willing to forgive them? it doesn't mean it didn't happen." my voice rises unintentionally.

"no, it doesn't mean it didn't happen," he agrees, nodding his head slowly against the pillow. "but it doesn't mean i need to be upset over something i can't recall. it doesn't affect me anymore."

"you're very different," i mutter.

"thank you," he giggles.

"is that good to you?" i furrow my eyebrows.

how would he know it's an improvement if he doesn't remember who he was? the hair on my arms stand up.

"well you asked how i'm so nice now, which must mean i wasn't very nice before."

"i guess."

good job josh. even after you stabbed him and he lost his memory, you're still paranoid.

"josh?"

"yes?"

"were we friends?" he yawns.