Surviving the Nicholson Boys (Re-write)

fifty-two : chandelier (jeremy's pov)

Song/title of the chapter: Chandelier by Sia

"One, two, three. One, two, three, drink. One, two, three. One, two, three, drink. One, two, three. One, two, three, drink. Throw 'em back till I lose count."

***

I watched as Cam walked away with Aria, hand in hand to the beach house. My heart ached. I really had fucking lost her, and to make it worse, I lost her to my brother's best friend.

I ignored the calls of Trent and Walter as I went to grab a drink. Multiple, actually. I didn't want to remember what I just saw. I didn't want to remember seeing them dance together. Seeing how happy she looked with him and not with me.

I didn't want to remember hearing him call her beautiful. I didn't want to remember her telling him about me. About what I had done. About what I promised her. About how I hurt her, and how she now felt insecure and unsure.

I was supposed to make those feelings go away, not bring them upon her. I was supposed to be the one to reassure her that she was beautiful, that she was worth it. That she was amazing.

Instead, a guy older and better looking was telling her that, and she was buying it. She wasn't completely sober, but even if she was, that wouldn't have changed anything.

With every shot I took, the weight of the guilt became heavier and heavier, and the image of her screaming and crying because of me, and because of how I had broken her heart became clearer and clearer in my head.

Her voice echoed in my head, and I wanted it out.

"What happened to a fresh start, huh? What happened to you loving me? What happened to me being all you needed? Your everything? Was that all a lie!?"

"No, okay? No, you're not going to start that. I fucking loved you and I still do. Don't you dare try and blame all this on me."

More and more drinks, but her voice wouldn't leave. The images wouldn't disappear. The memories wouldn't fade. Everything was clearer and clearer with every drink.

Finally, I felt numb. Completely numb, and everything disappeared. It was all gone. There was just black. Darkness. I felt empty. She was truly gone. She wasn't mine anymore, and there was no way I could get her back.

So I grabbed the nearest girl and asked her to dance, or probably just let out a drunken string of words in an attempt to ask her to dance. She said yes. And we danced. Dirty danced. For so long.

The music continued to boom, and the vibrations went through my body. We were pressed between other couples, whether they were legitimate couples or soon-to-be one night stands.

"Wanna go to the beach house?" She whispered in my ear. "We could have some fun, especially in some of those bedrooms."

I nodded and grinned at her. "Let's go."