HER Young Mate (Completed)

Part Eighty-Six: Changed

I sigh and sit up.

"Are you okay?" Coralie whispers into the dark after me as I stand up.

"Yeah." I mumble, rubbing my eyes clear.

"Where are you going, do you want-"

"No. Stay." I say as I lean back over the bed, I rub my face against her side, and listen to the sweet sound of our children, and it calms my heightened nerves. She sighs, and runs her fingers through my hair, and even though I stood up a moment ago, because I had felt as though I was burning and suffocating in my sleep, it's comforting to be pressed against her warm side.

"Hurry back. I have to get up at noon." She whispers, and yawns as she snuggles into her pillow. I don't reply, just kiss the side of her face, but I feel her cheek moving into a smile as I kiss it, and I know she's not worried. I leave the room, and head down the stairs. I need a breath of fresh air.

Sleeping is almost a chore for me now. I hate it.

Whenever I sleep I feel trapped.

I feel the ties of permanence.

I feel as though I'm never going to wake.

In my dreams I run in the darkness, running as fast and as far as I can into the void, but it's never enough; all I see is red, it's all I feel, it's all I breathe. When I wake I feel jolted to the core, I feel as though the wind has been knocked from me, it's as if reality is being torn from me in my sleep, then I am shoved right back as I wake.

I should be sleeping.

I need to regain my strength, I can't lead the pack with my mind like this- I couldn't last night.

I just ran and ran around them, making sure no one got close to them, I couldn't give commands or lead.

Coralie led the pack, and it made me feel so proud, yet so weak. When we got in this morning I couldn't face them. I couldn't face her.

I took a deep breath, and opened the door to the porch, and stepped out into the early morning haze. It was cold and foggy, and I couldn't see past the scout house- the fog was so low. I put my elbows on the railing of the porch and rubbed my eyes clear again. I need to snap out of this. I need to breathe, and relax, and move on.

I got shot. I almost died.

I'm here now, though.

Isn't that enough?

I jump, and turn around, at the sound of the door sliding open behind me.

"Oh, it's you..." Lavender said nervously. I looked at her in question. "It's just- Coralie used to come out here in the mornings to think a lot when... Well- anyways- I was going to see if she was okay..." She explained.

My heart sank a bit, knowing Coralie would come out here and worry, think, stress. I sighed and turned back around, angry with myself for letting that happen to her.

"You know... You can't keep blaming yourself for getting hurt. It's silly. We were safe, and we're all here now, and- and if we were in trouble we could handle it, because you trained us to." She says as she comes to stand beside me, and puts her elbows on the rail like I have. I look at her and I see my mother as I always have, but now I see more, now I see myself. I see worry in her eyes, I see strength, and hope, and fearlessness. I see parts of me I want to gain back myself. It was as if they're preserved within her and I can see them whenever I look at her. When had she learned those things? How could she? When I've been worse- within the time she's been here- than ever. "You've trained us to be strong, no matter what."