Hold On

Let go

"Shit!" Several people stared over at me as I muttered under my breath, my flight had been delayed again. For the third time tonight. I was so ready to be home, to sleep in my own bed. My right hand clutched my phone, trembling as I dropped it on the floor in front of me and held my head in my hands. The funeral had been nice, as nice as a funeral for your best friend could be, I suppose. A few tears escaped my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. I couldn't do this here, no. I guess, since I hadn't really allowed myself to grieve properly yet, that the emotions were going to hit me at some point, but not here, please, not here in front of all these people.

"Excuse me miss, you dropped this?" A man's voice interrupted my moment of self pity and I smiled as he handed me my phone.

"Thanks." I mumbled under my breath as I shoved the phone into my pocket, eliminating any risk of dropping it again.

"Are you alright?" My head was resting in my hands again, and the same voice that had handed me my phone, this time veiled with concern, reached my ears and I opened my eyes, lifting my head up and blinking a few times "Do you mind if I sit down?" I nervously nodded at him, pulling my bag out of the chair next to me and into my lap so he could sit down.

"I'm fine." My hands tightly gripped my backpack, my knuckles nearly turning white. I needed to calm down, this guy actually seemed pretty nice.

"I don't believe you." His hand brushed against my leg and he quickly pulled away, muttering an apology "Sorry, but I can tell when someone's lying..."

"I'm on my way home from my best friends funeral, so, I'm not really fine, but thanks for your concern." I almost felt bad for snapping at him, I didn't even know the man, and he'd been nothing but nice to me so far. I fidgeted with the keychain that was attached to my bag, the one that Jane had actually gotten for me when she visited Ireland, and I again felt tears forming in my eyes "I'm sorry, I'm exhausted, my flight keeps getting delayed... I just, want to be home."

"It's alright, I shouldn't have asked. You don't have to talk about it." I swore I recognized his voice, but I pushed the thought away as I continued to hold the keychain in my hands.

"She gave me this, it's really all I have left of her..." I spoke quietly, something about him made me comfortable enough to open up a little, I mean, I was going to be here for at least another three hours, I might as well keep myself entertained. I opened my mouth to say something else but was interrupted when I noticed a small boy standing in front of us.

"Are you The Winter Soldier?" His voice was really quiet, shy, and he was holding a Captain America action figure in his left hand, he shuffled his feet around on the floor as he glanced nervously between the two of us. The man that had sat down next to me laughed under his breath before leaning forward, motioning for the little boy to come a little closer.

"I am, but don't tell anyone ok? I'm hiding from Iron Man." The little boy grinned and nodded at him before running off, and a woman who I assume is his mother mouths a thank you at the both of us.

"That was adorable." I laugh quietly, I still haven't looked directly at him, and when I finally do I have to stop myself from gasping out loud.

"Kids are always the first to spot you, no matter how hard you try to hide..." He shrugged as my eyes widened. Get your shit together Nat, don't make this awkward... Sebastian fucking Stan is sitting next to you.

"So. You're really...?" My hand quickly tried to pull my long sleeve down further on my arm, trying to cover up the Winter Soldier tattoo on my wrist, I didn't really want him to know how big of a fan I was... He certainly had to put up with enough screaming fan girls and I didn't want him thinking I was another one of them, I admired much more than just his good looks.

"Yeah. And you don't have to cover that up, I saw it before I sat down..." I finally mustered up the courage to turn and face him, just in time to see him smirking as he motioned to my wrist "I really like that, by the way." I felt my face getting hot at his words, I was the last person on this planet that could accept any sort of compliment, especially from the man that portrayed the character I loved so much.

"Mulțumesc..." A huge grin crossed his face when he heard me say thank you in Romanian, and I felt myself blushing even more, if that was even possible at this point...

"You speak Romanian?"

"I've been teaching myself... I know a few phrases." I set my bag down on the floor, putting my foot through the strap to make myself feel better that no one would run past and steal it "Sorry I tried to hide it, by the way..." I traced the outline of my tattoo with my fingers, it was about four inches wide, half Cap's shield and half Bucky's metal arm, with 'I'm with you til' the end of line' in a nice script around the edge "... I didn't want you to think I was just another giggling fan girl... The relationship between Cap and Bucky means so much to me, my best friend Jane and I actually had the same tattoo..." I trailed off, I felt like I was sharing too much with him, and I also felt some sad emotions bubbling up. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of this man, the man I'd admired from far away for so long...

"Is it too forward of me to ask what happened to her?" He ran his hands through his hair, at the same time pulling his headphones out and letting them fall down against his chest, he also paused his music and shoved his phone into his pocket. He was giving me his full attention, and I took a deep breath, deciding that I may as well share a few details with him, we had plenty of time...

"She got really sick, a couple months ago. It was so advanced that all they could really do was make her comfortable." My hand started trembling against my leg and I distracted myself by picking at a loose thread on the knee of my jeans "I got a phone call a week ago, they told me she could go any day. So I... dropped everything to be with her..." My hand was trembling so terribly at this point that it was causing my voice to crack, my eyes closing as I willed myself not to cry. I jumped when I felt a hand on top of mine, but didn't pull away. I took a few deep breaths before I opened my eyes again, glancing down and seeing Sebastian's hand resting on top of mine "I... I was there... when she took her last breath..." I couldn't contain my emotions any longer and a small sob escaped my lips, and he only gripped onto my hand tighter, and somehow, that was enough to stop me from completely breaking down "Sebastian I don't know how I'm going to live without her." A few tears rolled down my face and I pulled my hand away from his to wipe them away. As I glanced over at him, I noticed that he had teared up as well, he was wiping at his eyes with the top of his shirt and he let out a sigh as he locked eyes with me.

"I'm so sorry doll, I don't even know what to... just, come here." Sebastian stood up, motioning with his arms for me to hug him. I slowly and hesitantly stood up from my own seat, letting his arms wrap around my back as he tightly held on to me. I rested my head against his chest, listening to the sounds of his heart beat for a few precious seconds before I pulled away, again wiping at my own eyes before sitting back down.

"Thank you for that Sebastian... you have no idea how much I needed... to let all that out. I've been holding it in for far too long." He was still standing in front of me, he ran his hand through his hair again, his mouth partly open like he was ready to say something...
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