Hold On

Hazy Eyes

Luckily when I'd gotten home, Seb had been fast asleep on the couch and hadn't woken up when I shut the bathroom door quietly behind myself.
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I was pregnant. The four plus signs I now held in my shaking hands couldn't all be wrong... could they?

I needed Jane, needed her calming words... hell, I would do anything to see the look on her face in this exact moment. The way she'd shake her head at me before wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug and telling me everything would be alright. I hastily threw everything into a small plastic bag, the tests, the boxes, everything, tying it shut and then quickly headed outside to toss it all in the trash can.

"Nat what are you doing out there?" Sebastian yelled from the front doorway, rubbing his eyes, and I shook my head at him as I walked back towards the front door, wiping my hands on the back of my pants before pushing past him to get out of the light rain that had started falling "Hey... what's the matter doll?" He moved to touch my shoulder and I found myself involuntarily flinching away from him, moving towards the bedroom and silently crawling under the covers.

"I'm just tired Seb." It was taking every ounce of self control in my body to not scream at him that I was pregnant... I felt him crawling under the covers behind me, and then when he cautiously moved his arm around my lower torso I couldn't stop myself from melting into his touch. He nuzzled his scruffy chin against my neck, softly kissing my cheek only once before laying back, and he was asleep before I could even really think any more about saying something to him. I would talk to him tomorrow...
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"You're six weeks pregnant, give or take a couple of days." I nodded at the doctor as I sat on the edge of the exam table, my legs swinging against the side "I would suggest that you start taking a vitamin supplement... and if you would like I'll schedule an ultrasound for next week so you can hear the heartbeat again..." He rattled off a few more details, including some tips on how to manage the morning sickness I had already been having trouble with.

Luckily I'd talked my way out of work today... Alex knew exactly why I'd needed a few hours off, but he was the only one. Sebastian hadn't even been home when I'd woken up this morning, having been called to set early for an extensive set of scenes they were getting ready to shoot...
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"So?" Alex's voice was muffled, a makeup brush in between his lips as he fixed up one of the extras and sent her on her way, waiting until the door to the trailer shut before he asked me again "How did it go?"

"I'm six weeks along. Thank you for getting me that information by the way, he was... he was discreet... professional? Is that even the right word? I'm still a little overwhelmed by everything..." I let myself trail off, my hand fidgeting with a pile of reference pictures on the counter "I don't know how to tell him... if I even tell him at all."

"He should know Natalie. He is just as much a part of that child's life as you are." I bit my lip, nodding at him in agreement, trying to ignore the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach "You alright?" I shook my head at Alex as I rushed towards the small bathroom in the trailer, barely making it to the toilet before I emptied my stomach of everything I'd eaten that morning.

It was now quiet, oddly quiet, and I finally lifted myself off the floor, flushing the mess down and then grabbing a towel off the counter and wiping the edges of my mouth. I didn't know if Alex had left the trailer, or if he was just... being really nice and leaving me alone.

"Nat, doll. You in there?" My heart jumped into my throat, as Sebastian's muffled voice reached my ears "You wanna let me in?" I unlocked the door, not saying a word as he stepped into the small room "Alex uh... he said you weren't feeling well." I barely managed to shake my head at him before the tears started to fall, and I heard him let out a loud sigh before wrapping his arms around me "Hey, just breathe..." Maybe it was the hormonal change my body was going through... but I found myself having a very difficult time calming down, my sobs becoming even louder when he tightened his grip on me "Doll... I'm right here." I nuzzled myself against his chest, my tears quickly staining the front of his costume. Sebastian didn't say much else, and when I finally was able to calm down enough to pull away from him, I tried to avoid looking directly into his eyes.

"I think... breakfast just... didn't sit well." I tucked my hair behind my ears, using the top of my shirt to wipe my face of the remaining tears, and then shuffling my feet around on the floor "Sorry about... that." I half heartedly motioned to the front of his costume which was now completely messed up, because of me, and he pulled his gloves off before softly lifting my chin up, his thumb moving slowly along my jawline.

"You need to tell me what's really going on sweetheart. I didn't push it last night because I know when someone needs to be left alone..." He leaned down, softly placing his lips against my forehead "I love you."