Cecile looks very weak the next morning. She doesn't say much and leaves in the middle of English. Phil is there and taps my shoulder.
"Dan Howell." He whispers.
"Phil Lester." I say back.
"You got my note, correct?"
"Yes."
"So?"
"So."
"Friends?"
I sigh softly, to not cause attention. I don't want to tell him right here that we can't possibly be friends. "Talk to me during break for now is not the time nor place."
Phil agrees and leaves me alone for the rest of the hour.
•••
He is waiting under my tree after World History. I try not to be mad, since I told him after English to meet here, but he is under my tree. It's like when you tell someone to wait outside your home and you come home to find them in your living room recording Dr. Phil and drinking the last of your Earl Grey.
"Hello again."
"Again, hello." I try to smile, but my body refuses any proof I may or may not be enjoying myself in Phil's company.
"What is it you needed to say? Are we friends now?" He leans against the trunk of the tree.
"Um. No. See, Mr. Lester you are making an ill thought out plan to befriend me."
"Why is that?" Phil looks amused.
"Well, you do not know me. You do not know what, say, Cecile knows about me."
Phil is silent for a bit and at first I think he is mad. Then he talks. "Tell me then. Tell me what Cecile knows."
I laugh out loud a bit. "I hardly think so!"
"Give me a good reason why, Dan Howell. Why can't we be friends? Why can't you tell me your 'secrets'?"
"Because you will get mad and think I'm insane and call 999 and order me to be locked up in the nearest looney bin!" I cry.
Phil looks at his shoes. They are rough, brown shoes that are chipping away.
"No. I promise."
"I can't be so sure."
"Yes you can. I'm an honest person, Dan. You can trust me." He lets his hand extend towards me. I stare at it before delicately shaking his. Every voice in my head is crying no at the same time. For once they agree on something.
"That wasn't so bad, huh?"
I shake my head, but on the inside the voices are screaming. They are betrayed. Broken. Deceived. I feel sick.
