Who am I Really?

My begining

"I don't even understand what Ms. Baxter was bitching about in chemistry today. It's not like Alex MEANT to break the beaker." I sat down next to my best friend Katie and her brother Mike. "Maybe if he would get his head out of his ass for once, he won't get bitched at." Katie replied with a spark of attitude. Mike slid closer to me on the lunch bench just as I got comfortable, and I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Hey," I tried breaking the tension looking at Katie, "wanna go get smoothies?" "Sure!" I stood up gripping my lanyard around my neck. I don't know why I felt uncomfortable around Mike, he just gave off this vibe that made me weary of him. School was over and Katie and I hopped into my truck. This was tradition. Every Friday after school we would go get smoothies. This is been going on ever since freshman year of high school. Katie just thought that it was a bonding moment between us, but I had other motives. There was this girl, a beautiful girl, and I was madly in love with her. She didn't know I existed, but I knew DAMN well she did. Nobody knew that I was gay, and no one ever would. I couldn't come out of the closet, I just couldn't. To my friends, I was strictly dickly.
I drove down the road a few minutes and my heart started beating a little faster every inch we got closer. We finally pulled into the parking lot after a brutal ten minutes of Katie singing "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22." I turned the car off and slid out. I don't know why I was so nervous today to see her. Yes I did, she looked beautiful today in Algebra. It's her birthday and she got all dressed up. I have no idea what the lesson was today because I was too busy being mesmerized. Katie opened the door and I proceeded to walk in front of her. I walked up to the counter and a man came around the corner ready to take my order. Where was she? Did she not come in to work on her birthday? Of course she didn't! How dumb of me. "Excuse me?" I looked up and the man was staring at me. "What can I get you?" Katie nudged me to focus. I didn't know I was that out of it thinking about her. "Can I have a-" "Happy birthday Lux!" The man cut me off. I turned around and there she was. Her long black hair tied up and in her hat. God she is beautiful. "Thanks drew." She smiled and my insides practically melted. "I'm sorry about that Miss, what can I get for you?"
"Just a...uh..." I lost my train of thought. I was so wrapped up in her. "She'll have a Bahama Mama," Katie jumped in to save me. "Make that two actually." She looked at me confused. I shook it off just long enough to convince her that I hadn't lost my shit for no reason. I smiled and giggled. "I forgot the name of the drink.." She rolled her eyes and laughed at me. We sat down waiting for our order and I saw her come around the corner and begin making my smoothie. I couldn't help but stair. She was short and tiny. She had her nose pierced and a smile that would make anyone's face light up. She was tan and quiet, but really cute and outgoing.
She started to walk over with my drink and as she handed it to me my fingers slid against hers. She looked at me and I stared into her eyes. "Two Bahama Mamas." She smiled and my heart fluttered. "Happy birthday Lux..." I couldn't help myself. It just came out. "Thank you Koda." Her smile grew and I looked at the ground. She knew my name? I didn't know she knew I existed, let alone knew my name! This was a good day. Today was the beginning of the craziest year of my life.