Chapter 18 - Please Don't cut

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We all followed after the gurneys, trying to get into the rooms, but the doctors slammed the doors in our faces. 

Louis and Niall were in the hospital. Because Of Me. 

Why was I so stupid? 

Why couldn't I be brave?

Why couldn't I be normal? 

I slowly walked over to one of the chairs in the hall, and collasped onto it. 

What was I going to do? 

I couldn't help them. I couldn't do anything. 

Whatever I did just got someone hurt.  I'm such a failure. I should have died. I should have tried to save Cathy. 

I should have never run away, then Louis and Niall wouldn't be hurt.  I deserve to be hurt, not them. 

They were just cring about me. Yet, I don't deserve it. 

I cause them all so much grief, WHY do they love me? 

I don't understand these boys, they could have chosen anyone at that orphanage...yet they chose me. 

They have everything, yet they decide to get the...the....

stupid.

ugly.

fat.

worthless.

hormonal.

abused.

teenager.

I hated this. I hated life, hospitals, myself.  I also really hated the smell of the hospital right now. 

It smelled like medicine, which smelled horrible, by the way. 

We should all just light our livess up, so we can just let them all out. (( A/N; I was listening to Burn. shut up. ))

But instead we let out lives burn. Burn till their nothing.

Until there nothing there, nothing to live for. 

Why let our lives burn? 

Because we feel like were not needed. 

That we shouldn't exist. 

I've dealt with hardships in life, and I'm surprised i'm not gone by now. 

By taking my own life, or someone taking it for me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. TWO MORE CHAPTERS. 

TWO.

MORE.

CHAPTERS.

I CAN'T. 

HOW HAVE I COME THIS FAR.

YOU GUYS ARE SO SUPPORTIVE, AND I LOVE YOU ALL.

MOST OF THE TIME. 

SO. I TRIED MAKING THIS LONG. I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THIS IS. 

#WHOOPS. 

CAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET THIS DONE. UM. I ALREADY HAVE THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS WRITTTEN. HOLY SHIT. 

UM. UM. UM. UM. UM. UM. UM. YEA. 

I CAN'T. 

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