Beyond the Bounds

Chapter Sixteen

If there was an emotion stronger than pain, it would be exactly how I'm feeling right now.

The following days messed me up. It was the kind of scenes you romanticize in movies, even if there wasn't a single thing beautiful about it. It was where you'd slip down the bathroom wall crying because the pain was hard to bear; the kind where you'd scream at the moon wondering what you did wrong, because it was the only thing shining in this cold, dark night; it was the kind where you'd dream about the person and wake up in the middle of the night screaming, because it feels like someone was ripping your heart out. It wasn't a beautiful poetry worth sharing about. Because you'd rather lock yourself in a room than see their face in every person you pass by.

I couldn't even go up my own room without remembering the pain and the horror. For the past days, I've claimed my own spot in the place furthest from my bedroom: the living room couch. My mother, on the other hand, refused to leave me alone in this house until I felt completely at ease. I don't know when that will be. I simply cannot understand how I'm going to accept the fact that this house wasn't meant to be ours and yet we are living under it. However, when the right time does come, I'd someday have to convince my parents into switching. As far as I know, living with the pain this house had brought me was intolerable. I don't care if I don't get another house as a switch. It would probably be more preferable since I wouldn't have to worry about random men trapped behind my bathroom. A simple dormitory with trustworthy roommates will work for me.

I refused to go to school. The past month had left me traumatized and scarred—and the way Jasper repelled me served as an immense addition to that. I was still trying to recover from the physical, emotional, and mental ache. Chastine had the heart to call and text me to figure out how I was doing. However, I've replied once explaining how I was in the hospital the whole time, then avoided any follow up messages since then.

It took Jasper four days before he found the guts to apologize.

Four long, draining days had gone since I found Jasper in his grandmother's house. Today was the first day I'd be stepping my foot out into this cruel, cruel world since the incident. I was yearning for a peaceful walk by myself to clear my mind of everything that happened. I wanted to erase every single detail and pretend like none of it existed. In that way, it would probably lessen the pain. It was, however, impossible.

I had no particular destination. I only planned to go around this neighbourhood and hope I don't get robbed or killed on the way. In addition to that, it would be a major help for me to acquire better knowledge of this place. It was a 2-in-1 walk alone.

Furthermore, I wore tight black leggings and a white hoodie that seemed big on me, so I could stay comfortable as I "search for myself." My hands were buried deep in the pocket of my hoodie as I walked on the sidewalk, inattentively.

Jasper was on my mind the whole time. I just didn't want to be affiliated with you anymore. His words rang in my mind too often that it hurt. I analyzed every word; I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I was nothing but exasperated. His voice that was once so calm and soothing to me, twisted into nothing but pure evil. I stayed by his side for at least a month and he repays me by saying he wanted to cut off whatever connection we had? Heck, for all I know we had something special. It was stupid for me to admire someone I didn't know or haven't even seen. But of course, there I was, deceived by his lies.

All was well, I believed. The walk under this afternoon sun was beneficial as I was able to walk the anger away. However, it was like fate told me it had to be ruined. I was deep in thought when his unmistakable figure pops up from afar. It still remained too familiar. We spotted each other at the same time and the expressions were undeniably painted on our faces. The only difference was; we had completely different reactions. His eyes lit up as if he wanted to see me this whole time, while mine remained cold and disinterested, just like how he left me. I stopped in my tracks as he approached me. I was preparing myself to turn back when he jogged forward and instantly grabbed my hand. "Ellie!"