He Loved Me First ✓

He Loved Me First (6)

Chapter 6

"So now what?" I asked again.

Felicity smiled at me and took my hand. "Come on," she said, pulling me along. We spent the day sitting in the park, just watching people.

An elderly couple was watching us and the lady said, "Remember when we were like that?"

"That was a long time ago," the man said. His wife scolded him with a faint smile. Felicity and I had to laugh at their nonsense. I could see that being us in sixty years.

My mind wandered and I could see the two of us sitting on a front porch, watching our grandchildren play in the yard. It backed up a few years, and we were in a living room, and Felicity was rocking a small child back and forth, our first child. My mind went back a few more years and I could see Felicity wearing a white dress, walking slowly down the aisle to me. At that moment, I wanted that more than anything.

"Earth to Oliver!" Felicity said, waving her hand in front of my face. I snapped out of my daydreaming. "What were you thinking about? You looked like you were a million miles away."

"Just the future," I said.

"Oh," she said. "I see." She looked at the couple across from us, and said, "Something like that, you mean?"

"Yes, something like that."

"Well, I would love that, just so you know," she said, smiling at me, "but only if God wills it."

"So it means nothing if you want it and God doesn't?" I asked.

"If I follow my own will, and it's not God's, I will be miserable. That's just how it works."

"Oh? But that doesn't sound very loving."

"But that's just it, Oliver! It is. When you love someone, you want only what's best for them. How can we be happy if we're living a lifestyle that's slowly killing us? If we have nothing to live for?"

"I have you to live for," I said.

She looked almost horrified at what I'd said. "Oh, no, no, no! I cannot be someone's idol! I can't be the most important thing to you."

"Well, why not?" I asked.

Felicity answered, "I do not want to be what's causing someone to go to hell. You have got to stop that."

I didn't have anything more to say to her. I couldn't understand what she was getting at. I couldn't understand her point of view at all.

She was frustrated with me, and said, "I've got to go to Adoration. I'll see you later."

I was speechless as I watched her walk away from me. I wondered how I could be so stupid about this whole thing. Maybe I should have just appeased her, and went along with it, or changed the subject.

The next day when I saw Felicity I asked her, "How was Adoration?"

She smiled and it lit up her whole face. "Absolutely amazing! I was just sitting there at first with nothing being said, and then this feeling of complete peace washed over me!" She paused, and her smile left her face. "You're not really interested, are you?"

"No, I am," I assured her. I wanted to debunk all of what she was saying.

"I came across a huge breakthrough yesterday," she said.

"And what was that?" I asked. I was actually curious about this one.

"You're just fooling yourself into thinking you don't believe in God. But deep down, you do believe. He knows this as well as I do."

"So why don't I know this if it's as spot on as you say?"

"Because you've lied to yourself for so long you've forgotten what the truth is."

"Hm...and what is this truth?"

"God is Love, and Love is real," she said.

"I see," I said.

"No, you don't." She sighed, "I am terrible at evangelizing, but when I think I ought to not try anymore, I always get small reminders that I shouldn't ever give up." She gave a small smile at that. "It helps me to go on."

There were times I heard my sister say the same thing. I told Felicity so.

She smiled. "That's pretty cool, right?" she asked.

"I guess so," I said.

"So, about your sister, do you get along with her?"

"Yeah, most of the time," I said. "She's my baby sister. I have to look out for her."

She laughed, "From what I've heard, she can look out for herself."

"That's true, but I still feel like it's my job."

"I know what you mean. If anything happens to any of my siblings, I always feel like it's my fault. It doesn't even matter if it happened while I wasn't there."

"Same with me," I said. "Only I suppose a lot more chaos occurs with your family, since there are so many of you and all."

"Yeah, but it's fun chaos. I'll have to show you sometime. I think they'd love you." She grinned at me.