He Loved Me First ✓

He Loved Me First (11)

Chapter 11

A few weeks later, Felicity asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her. She informed me that she needed clothes to add to her Mass wardrobe. I said I wouldn't mind at all. Spending a day with her could never be torture to me, even if we were going shopping. We walked through aisle after aisle, but we only went to one store. “This is great!” Felicity said. “The last time I shopped all day long and still couldn't find something modest! It's hard being more traditional than your grandparents in this day and age.”

I didn't know quite what to say, but she was right about being more traditional than my grandparents, at least. I hadn't met hers, but I'd say she's more traditional than most people's grandparents. It felt very counter-cultural, but at this time I wasn't convinced that was a good thing. It wouldn't be until a little while later that things changed, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, Felicity and I both went home happy that night. A short time later, I decided that I was finally going to propose to her. I couldn't imagine living my life without her. I was thinking that she would always be in my life. I didn't realize just how true that would turn out to be.

I had her close her eyes and I led her to the Adoration chapel that she spent so much of her time in. She knelt down to pray as soon as she saw where she was. I patiently waited for her to sit back and ask why I brought her there. She sat back in the pew and looked at me expectantly. I kneeled on one knee and words poured from my mouth. I wasn't sure what I said, but I don't think that really matters. Looking back, only the irony of me actually kneeling in an Adoration chapel and Felicity's reaction matters. She didn't jump for joy, or even say “yes.” She didn't nod. She didn't do any of the usual reactions. She started sobbing, and they weren't happy tears. “I'm so sorry,” she said. “I just can't. Oliver, please.” I didn't say anything. What could I say to that? She went on, “I need some more time, but you're welcome to wait for me outside.” I nodded and went out to the hallway. I plopped myself down on a bench and waited some more, thinking about what I could have done wrong.

Eventually, Felicity came out to join me. It could have been ten minutes later, or it could have been two hours later. I had no sense of time. I was too numb for that. She sat next to me and neither of us said a word for a long time. She looked up at me and said, “You don't know how much I wanted to say yes in there.”

“So why didn't you?” I asked.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. She began to cry again. I felt like crying too. I dried her tears and she said, “I made a promise when I was eight years old. I promised God that I would only marry a Catholic guy. I remembered this so strongly as soon as I walked in, and I didn't understand why at first. Now I do.”

“But you were a child,” I said.

“This promise was very important to me. It still is, even if it's getting in the way of everything. I'm going to keep this promise, even if it kills me. If I'm meant to marry you, it will happen. It just can't happen now. But that doesn't mean that we can't still be friends. You'll always be my best friend, no matter what happens.”

I soaked in what she was saying. There was truth in her words. Her thoughts were mirroring mine. I didn't quite understand why this promise meant so much to her, but I could respect that. I wasn't losing her, after all. “Okay,” I said. She pulled me in for a hug, and it wasn't awkward at all. She was right; we could definitely still be best friends after this. I knew that someday we would look back on this and think of all that we've gone through as a reminder of how strong we were as a team.

She pulled me up to my feet and we walked out of the building together.

Days went by, then weeks. Very soon, Christmas came. I took Felicity on a shopping spree and paid for whatever she wanted. It turned out she didn't want that much. Felicity gave me two CD’s by a band called MIKESCHAIR. I thanked her, but didn't play them, because it was a Christian band. A package also came from my parents. I was a little wary of opening it, so I hesitated. That's why two weeks later it was still sitting in my dorm, unopened. Encouraged by Felicity, I opened it. I played one of my new CD's at the same time. That really set the mood for what was going to come next.