How Can I Ever Get Past This

How Can I Ever Get Past This Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I walked down to the kitchen. It was twelve-thirty and I had already decided on not going to school. I just couldn't face it, nobody believed me. I was basically friendless. I knew I would have to go to school tomorrow though, otherwise the school would call my mom, and she would be like young lady why aren't you in school and I really couldn't tell her what happened.

Why would she care anyways? It's not like she’s ever around. Maybe if she was around this would have never happened. I looked in the fridge and grabbed a grape soda. I was starving I literally had not eaten in days I had no appetite. I searched in the fridge and cabinets, we never had any food. I looked in the cabinets once more just hoping that something would appear. Nothing! I decided on going to Zaxby's. I put on some jogging pants and a large t-shirt. I grabbed my keys and headed to my car.

I pulled into Zaxby's and walked inside. I guess my luck was as bad as I thought it was, because so much shit just seemed to be happening to me. How could I forget today was Senior Skip Day and that meant almost everybody at school, senior or not. At a table in a corner were seated most of the football players including Kaylin and Nate. Also included was Andrea, Kim and a few other girls. Kim was all over Kaylin, while Andrea sat next to Nate. I could not believe this. How could I go from being so happy to being so sad and depressed? Is this really why people commit suicide because this is unbearable and that was the only thing that was resting on my mind at the moment. How could they just move on from me like that? Did Kaylin even talk to Nate about what I said had happened.

I walked up to the counter to place my order. I could feel the cold hard stares radiating on my back. All my mind was saying was don't turn around, do not let them get to you. My heart was beating so fast. I could have sworn I was having a heart attack or maybe the pain was just from a broken heart who knows.

"How may I help you" said the cashier interrupting my thoughts

"Hey I would like to get a Fried Zaxbys House Zalad with Ranch Dressing". I rushed.

"Will that be all?"            

"Yes"

"Your totals $6.27" I gave her the money.

"It's going to be about five minutes" That was a long time considering the situation that I was in. I just moved over and stood by the counter. I still felt the stares coming towards me. Maybe I was just being paranoid, maybe they weren't looking at me. I couldn't help it. I turned around and leaned against the cabinet. I averted my gaze to their table. They were staring. My heart instantly went from like a beat a second to like twenty. I felt like I was going to be sick. I shifted my gaze to the floor. Don't let them get to you. Show them that you're strong. Look back up. I had to be strong I had to get through this. I looked up me and Kim's eyes locked. She smirked, turned her head and locked lips with Kaylin. The whole table let out chuckles. I looked away I was so embarrassed. My gaze was now back on the floor. I felt the tears that were about to come. No do not cry, at least don't let them see you cry you're stronger than that. I'm strong. I'm Strong. That's what my mind kept telling me but was I really?

As I felt myself giving up the cashier called out my order. I grabbed it and walked out quickly. I got in my car and as soon as I got out of the parking lot the tears spilled over. I had to stop crying. It was dangerous while driving. I wiped my eyes. I got to my house in five minutes top. All I wanted to do was get home and be alone. Depressing I know but it was one of the only things that soothed me nowadays. I walked in the house and threw my food on the counter I had once again lost my appetite. I felt sick. My body wanted to throw up but there was nothing left. I went to my room laid down and soon drifted off to sleep.

I didn't wake up until the next morning. Ugh! I had to go to school. I just really didn't know if I could handle it. I got in the shower any stayed in for like 30 minutes. I got out dried off and put on my lingerie a pair of jeans. A pullover and some tennis shoes was what I decided on wearing. I didn't bother doing anything to my face and then I pulled my hair into a sloppy ponytail. I grabbed my book bag and car keys and headed for the door.

When I pulled into school I spotted the usual people I would start school off with. The usual gang. Kaylin's friends, the girls, my ex best friend, and where I would have been standing was Kim. Inside of Kaylin's arms. I really had to get over him and everybody else at this school. Things were not going to be like they used to be and that was a fact not an opinion. I was twenty minutes early and had nothing to do. So I stayed in my car and turned on my iPod. I listened to "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday". I definitely wanted to cry while listening to this song. It was a sad song in any situation. I listened to a few more songs then headed to class. I felt gazes on me from every direction. But I kept my head hung low until I reached class. I could already tell that I probably wasn't going to make it through today.......

As lunch was nearing I asked the teacher could I leave early to go to the office, but I really just needed time to myself I couldn't stand to be around anybody at this school. The halls were deserted. I headed for the bathrooms. I walked over to the sink and rinsed my face. I looked horrible. I tried to straighten up my hair but it was no use. So I decided to leave it as is. I walked out and heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Sydney" my stomach felt liked it dropped. My heart beat increased. I didn't want to turn around. I started walking.

"Come on Sydney now don't be like that" I started walking faster. I felt a tight grasp around my wrist as I was pulled and turned around to face him. He grabbed my other wrist and pinned me against the wall. I was praying that somebody, anybody would walk through the hall.

"Nate please let go"

"Why?" he leant closer to my ear to whisper. "You know you wished you had me back inside of you, so I would appreciate it, if you would quit calling rape" HIs grip tightened. I felt disgusted.

"Okay, just please let me go". I wanted to scream but I just couldn't. He chuckled

"Sydney you're not getting away that easy" He pressed himself harder onto me.

"Nate ple----" He covered my mouth. He slid his hand up my inner thigh. How could this be happening? We were at school for crying out loud. His hands traveled upward and under my shirt. When was the bell going to ring? I tried to talk, but my voice was muffled. I started crying. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. He came closer to me and pressed even harder than I thought was possible. He groaned. The bell rung. I felt so relieved. He whispered in my ear

"This isn't over" and with that he walked away people started shuffling out classrooms. The tears were still flowing from my eyes. I walked away quickly. I headed to my car. The tears fell down faster and faster. I reached my car and got in.

I looked at myself in the rearview mirror. I then realized that my life wasn't going to get better. I was probably never going to be happy again and this was the life I had to live with. My Life. My Screwed Up Life. A life that would cause others to want to die and I had to live with it.