How Can I Ever Get Past This

How Can I Ever Get Past This Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next morning I woke up with a headache, probably from crying myself to sleep last night. It was my unwanted habit coming back with a vengeance. I made my way out of bed and forced myself to take a shower. When I got out I slipped into a t-shirt and some jogging pants. It was like perfect time, because as soon as I was finished getting dressed Trent and Stephanie walked in.

"Hey Sydney you alright?" Stephanie asked.

"Hey, yea why wouldn’t I be?" I asked.

"Last night you just seemed kind of out it" She said

"Oh I was just really tired no biggie" I replied.

"Oh well were going to a party/chill kind of thing tonight you want to come?" She asked. I didn't really want to go but I didn't want to seem rude and I had nothing else to do so why not.

"Sure"

"Okay me and Trent are about to go get something to eat. You want to come with?" She asked

"Nah yall go ahead. I'm fine"

"Okay I'll see you later and we can get ready" She said.

"Okay"

I examined myself in the mirror. I daunted some black shorts with a black and pink strapless shirt that clung to my body along with black sandals. The shorts to me were a little short, but Stephanie scolded me so I let it go. She said I needed to show off my figure more. I mean I knew I had a great body, but I wasn’t much into showing it off since everything that had happened. My self-worth and confidence had been stripped away by him. I wasn’t as pretty as I use to be.

Stephanie wore a mini skirt with black stilettos and a black and white halter. When she showed it to me first thing that came to mind was slut. But surprisingly when she put it on it looked very nice on her. When we got to the party or whatever it was supposed be Trent and Steph met up and they kind of left me and did their own thing. I felt so uncomfortable. There was drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, and orgy's. Out of all these I only did one which was drinking and I didn't do much of it. I was so out of my comfort zone.  As if he read my mind or noticed how uncomfortable I was Josh came to my rescue.

"Hey it's kind of crowded in here you want to go outside?" he asked.

"Umm yea" he grabbed my hand and led me outside. We found a porch swing to sit on. I started swinging.

"So umm you alright?" Why was everyone asking me this?

"Uh yea why wouldn't I be?" I asked him.

"Well last night when you were leaving you just looked like you were about to cry?" I stiffened could they notice that?

"No I was fine." I lied.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I think I would notice when I'm about to cry Josh." I replied getting annoyed.

"Okay your right." he replied

It got quiet for a while as I swung back and forth so I decided to break the silence for once “Do you come to these types of parties a lot?” I asked him.

“Yea, I been coming to them every since I started high school.” That was really young.

“Do you participate in the activities?” I asked him.

“You mean the drugs and sex?” I nodded. “I take it you’re not in to that stuff.”

“No I don’t do drugs and I don’t condone having sex with a bunch of people or while a bunch of people watch you.” I told him.

“I feel you!” He said not answering my question. I just decided to let it go.

"So how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Ugh are we really doing this again?

"How come you don't have a girlfriend" I shot back

"I never said I didn't" he replied."But I don't" he added

"And I should care because?" he looked at me and chuckled.

"Because I’m a nice sexy guy and you're a beautiful girl" I laughed and he smiled. He had a nice smile I noticed.

"And what is that suppose to mean?" I asked.

"Whatever you want it to mean." I smiled. I ignored the comment and began to look up towards the sky. It was a pretty night out tonight. The moon was full and the stars surrounded it.

 I looked back towards Josh. I had not noticed at all that he was moving closer to me. He was centimeters away from me. He placed his hand under my chin. I was frozen. I felt like I couldn't move. He placed his lips on mine and he kissed me. It was a gentle kiss, but to rough from me. Nate flashed through my mind, him on top of me, him kissing me, him raping me. I pulled away from him.

"I should go! I'm really tired' I said as I stood up. He looked at me confused

"Sydney what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing I'll see you tomorrow okay" I left before he could answer. I barely made it out before the tears spilled over. Why did it have to be like this? I was beginning to like him, but at the same time, I wasn't. Something was stopping me. Every time I was touched in that way. He popped into my mind why? Was this the way I had to live for the rest of my life. Who knows? It was all coming back. I was crying myself to sleep again. I was afraid again. It was like it had just happened yesterday.