Fighting Fate 🏗[Under Construction]🏗

Chapter 15: Kei Valancia

"It pushed me to be better, and surround myself with the colors of hope that I desperately wanted," - Kei Valancia

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I knew this conversation was coming, but the timing couldn't have been worse. Because this is exactly the best time to describe my past misfortunes and inadequacies. Just my freaking luck all right.

"We can't," I repeated again, the words hitching in my throat like barbed wire. Ryker looked at me in confusion and worry, trying to understand my behavior.

"Do you not want kids?" he asked lowly. I shook my head and dropped my eyes. Haunting heartbreak blew through me like a tornado, the crashing winds of memories and grief battering against me relentlessly.

"Of course I do. What I mean is..." I trailed off again, unsure how to speak my sentiment of this matter without completely breaking down.

I cleared my throat to clear the dark emotions, but it still did not give me the courage to look at him. Obviously feeling my inner turmoil through the link, he gently put his index finger under my chin and lifted my head, his gaze softly drinking me in.

"Kei, please speak to me." He spoke carefully, but firmly. His words were meant to be calming, yet the underlying edge was meant to be obeyed.

I shut my eyes briefly, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Unhurriedly, I reached up and gripped his hand in mine, squeezing slightly. It took another moment, but I finally got the courage to open my eyes and stare right at him when I said, "I can't get pregnant." He looked taken aback, not expecting this at all.

"You can't get pregnant," he repeated. He said the words steadily, the news registering in his eyes with shock. I nodded, squeezing his hand even tighter with my own.

"I'm so sorry Ryker." He instantly engulfed me with his arms, wrapping them tightly around me. When he did this, he was unknown to the fact that at this very moment, he was the only thing holding me together.

"It's not your fault, love." His fingers combed through my hair gently, his words whispering comfort in my ear. His words dug a hole into my heart and stayed, but it still didn't lessen the guilt.

I don't think anything could.

"Yes, it is. I-I wasn't strong enough." I pulled back and tightened my hands into fists on his chest. "I couldn't protect him." His look he gave me was of savage urgency.

"It wasn't your fault Kei. It was the bastards that did it." I chuckled humorlessly.

"Yeah, I guess so. But I still feel like a failure. I can't give you children, a family to raise," I felt the burning of tears fill my eyes, unable to hold back my emotions no longer. "I already lost one child already because I wasn't strong enough to protect us both. What does that say about me as a mother?" He grabbed both of my shoulders and made me look at him with his commanding gaze, his dark eyes flashing with controlled power and emotion.

"You are not a failure Kei Valancia," his words were a merely whispered snarl and I was startled by the ferocity of them. "You can't blame yourself for what happened. You were twelve for goddess sake Kei. Even if you're half fae, you can't expect to take down a whole group of rogues when you were already beaten and abused." His breathing was ragged as he tried to contain his anger. Not at me, but at my demons.

"Remember when I told you how I lost my child?" He nodded, seemingly settling down. "Well, after I found out I lost the baby, I discovered that after letting them have their way with me-" his fingers tightened on my arms, "-I noticed that I never got pregnant again." I inhaled sharply, trying to keep my composure before I continued.