Mosaic

Louis Tomlinson, Chapter 1

Louis Tomlinson, Chapter 1

    I stepped upon the cold scale on the tile bathroom floor, I looked down at the horrid numbers, one hundred and forty pounds. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes, I'm still not perfect. You'll never be perfect unless you're skinny, Louis. I heard a voice say which I had named Skinny, she's my thinspiration, though I had never seen her, I imagined her to be perfect and absolutely flawless. I imagined her with shoulder-length brown hair, caramel-colored eyes, sun-kissed skin, and long legs; her hip bones would stick out just right and you could count almost all of her ribs. Of course, I would never look like her, or the male version of her because I'm too fat to even weigh her weight, I imagine her to be the perfect weight in my eyes, one hundred pounds, nothing more and nothing less. Skinny in my eyes is beautiful, Skinny in my eyes is flawless, Skinny in my eyes is what I need to be.

     "Louis, time for breakfast!" I hear Harry call from the stairs, I replied, "I'll be down in a minute!" I slipped my clothing back over me, to get the most precise amount of weight you have, you need to have all of your clothes to get the most accurate. I've been doing this for months, I've been on this "no food" diet for months; no one takes notice, I've learned to hide it. I know I've lost weight, I used to be exactly one hundred and sixty-four pounds, I've only lost twenty-four pounds though. "Mornin' Lou." Harry greeted me as I sat at the table where he had placed my food on my plate. "Breakfast looks great, Haz," I say with a fake smile. He nodded thanks and dug into his food, I started to make conversation while cutting my waffles into tiny bits of pieces, I brought the fork up to my mouth a couple of times, but nothing went into my mouth. I drank a little bit of my water and then started to tear my bacon apart, raising it to my mouth, but nothing going in. I knew just the right amount to eat and to drink, I raised the fork to my mouth with some waffles on it and set it in my mouth, I chewed my food up until it was like a liquid instead of a solid, then I swallowed. I started to drink my water, not fast, but still not slow, I sat the glass down and then pick up my fork bringing it to my mouth, but never in my mouth. Harry never noticed when I just brought it to my mouth and swung the fork around while I talked, he never noticed how I cut my food into tiny bits, he never noticed my eating habits and I was glad.

     I suppose you're wondering who Harry is, Harry is my best mate since we were young lads we were the best of friends. He was born in Holmes, Chapel and I was born in Doncaster, we met in third grade and he had moved from Cheshire all the way to Doncaster and we instantly clicked. Soon we met our other two friends Liam and Zayn, Liam's from Wolverhampton while Zayn is from Bradford; Liam moved because at his old school he had gotten very badly bullied and Zayn had lost his home in Bradford due to a fire, so his mum moved him and his sisters out to Doncaster. They became our mum and dad, Zayn and Liam did, they looked after us and took care of us. We met them in fifth grade and I was a wee bit iffy on them at first, but now I love them to pieces. Now next was Niall, Niall is Irish, he's from Mullingar, Ireland. He was the last of us five, not in years of birth, but in being our friend, so we treat him like he's the baby of the group because he kinda is. Harry is much more than a best friend though, he's also my boyfriend of a year and seven months. I love him, I do, but I don't believe he really loves me; neither of us has said I love you to one another, I haven't said it to him because he hasn't said it to me. I think he's ashamed to be with a fat, disgusting blob like me, if I were him, I'd be ashamed too. 

     I felt sick to my stomach and my throat itched wanting the food out, but I couldn't purge it, if I didn't keep it down, then I wouldn't have any energy. I walked to the sink and started to wash the dishes, while I was washing them, Harry came and hugged my waist from behind; I tensed up at his touch, I knew he would feel my fat rolls and I didn't want that to happen. He leaned his chin down on top of my head and kissed it, he kept himself there until I finished the dishes and dried them off and my hands-off. I turned into his chest and hugged him, "You're warm." I said muffled. I felt him smile, "I'm not warm, you're just always cold." I smiled back and looked up at him, I may be older, but he's sure is taller than I am. "Let's go watch a movie?" he suggested. I nodded, we walked into the living room and he asked me what I wanted to watch and I just shrugged. He looked through some of the DVDs we had laying around, "Love at First Hiccup?" he asked. "Never heard of it before," I said in return. "Neither have I..." Neither of us questioned how it had gotten here, but he stuck it in any way and we began to watch the movie snuggled up into a blanket. We do this often, especially while it is raining; I love rain, there's just something about it that makes me feel... happy. I cuddled into Harry a little bit more, I heard Skinny in my head talking to me, the thing is, she was saying the truth. I tried to focus on the movie and Harry, but Skinny was louder and seemed to be more powerful. I obeyed her, as usual, and I excused myself to the bathroom. I flipped on the light and closed the door, locking it, then I raise the toilet seat. I flipped on the faucet and I washed my hand but kept to water on to block out my gagging. I got onto my knees in front of the toilet, I wiggled my fingers a little bit to tickle my throat, and out came what little food I had eaten. Tears sprung to my eyes as I gagged myself again and up came more food, I poured myself a glass of water and chugged it, then I did the same thing again until I felt really lightheaded. I flushed the toilet and then washed my hands, I splashed water onto my blotchy, red face and then dried it off. I dabbed water around my red eyes and then dabbed them dry to make them look a little bit less red. I sprayed some air freshener in the bathroom and then got a mint to put in my mouth, Harry wouldn't know a thing.

     I walked into the living room and Harry was there waiting for me, "Sorry." I said my face turning red. He smiled at me and nodded, we continued to watch Love at First Hiccup until we both had to go to college, I was studying to be a drama teacher, and Harry wants to be a Language Arts teacher. "See you at lunch break, Haz." "See you, Lou." We say to each other, I gave him a peck on the cheek as he waves and goes to his class while I go towards the Auditorium. I saw my teacher, Mrs. Aubrey Evans, she prefers us to call her by her first name instead of last. Aubrey has black pixie cut hair, green eyes, light skin, and piercings all down her right ear and on her left, only two holes were there, she's an amazing teacher, she doesn't necessarily have to teach we just act and I am an amazing actor. She always tells me that I'm the best in her class and that I might become a drama teacher sometime in my life too. I sat in my usual seat, second to last row, last seat in the corner. I sat my bag down and grabbed out a sheet of paper and a pencil that way I could doodle. Everyone got to class on time and Aubrey began her lesson, "I want you guys to pick a sheet of paper from this hat," she picked up a black fedora, "there's a type of animal's name on that paper. Next week, you have to become the animal you get." It sounded simple enough, a girl named Terra handed me the fedora and I pulled out a sheet and passed it to a boy named Logan. I opened the piece of paper up and saw my animal: an elephant. Of course, the fattest person ever gets the hugest animal, I thought to myself. I sighed and started to think, how can I become an elephant when I'm already the size of one, how can I act like one? 

     At lunch break, Harry, Zayn, Niall, and Liam met me outside of my class, I waved to them as I slipped my binder and my new copy of 'The Outsiders' into my bag. Aubrey said that we may do a drama on the book, so I asked her if I could have a copy to read and she said of course. "Hey boys," I say smiling. "Where are we going to eat today?" asked Zayn to Liam. "I say Pizza Palace?" he suggested. I shrugged, I'd just share my food with Niall. The boys all agreed to go get pizza, we walked down the street and went in. "Hello, what can I get for y'all today?" asked a young girl around seventeen years old with brown hair and hazel eyes. "We'll take two large Hawaiian and Sausage pizzas, please," Liam said to the girl. She nodded and said, "Your total is fifteen dollars and ninety-nine cents." I grabbed my money out and I had a twenty-dollar bill, I knew I would get scolded by Liam because usually when we buy from here he pays. She gave me the change back and Harry and Zayn got the pizzas. "Louis, I was supposed to pay," Liam said. I shrugged, "You and Zayn always pay, it's not like y'all are made of money." "Yeah, well neither are you." He says. I sighed and said, "Sorry."

     We sat on the park bench and ate our pizza, I only ate half of a piece of pizza, but they think I ate more. I gave Niall the rest of mine saying that I had already eaten a ton more and that I was full, he bought it and took it right away. The only thing I wanted to do right now was some way to get this poison out of my body and fast. We threw the boxes away and we started to walk in the direction of our house, Harry opened the door and we all walked in, "Looks like somebody had a cuddling or make-out session before school this morning." teased Niall. Harry and I looked at each other and blushed. "Aw they're blushing," said Liam pinching Harry's cheek and Zayn pinching mine. I slapped Zayn's hand away, "Buzz off would ya?" I said. They laughed and we started to watch whatever we could find on the television.

     When the boys left, I told Harry that I was going to go shower. He nodded and I walked up the stairs, I suddenly got a wave of dizziness and grabbed hold of the railing, I led myself up and into our room. I grabbed pajama pants and a long-sleeved tee-shirt, I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, and the mirror fogged up. After I turned the shower on, I knelt in front of the toilet and made myself puke up the pizza, I grabbed a glass of water and then chugged it. I tickled my throat yet again and out came some blood. I flushed the toilet and then I stripped from my clothing to nothing and I stepped onto the scale and I had lost one pound. I smiled, one hundred and thirty-nine pounds. I hopped into the warm shower and started to wash my hair, clumps came out of my head, I sighed and continued to wash, then I washed my body then rinsed off the suds. I dried off with a white, fluffy towel and then blow-dried my hair, I then got dressed, I brushed my hair and teeth and I was really tired. I turned off the light to the bathroom and I laid down on the bed where Harry was laying too, "Hi." I said. He smiled. "Hello." I put my head on top of his chest, "Are you going to go shower?" I asked. "I'll take one in the morning, right now I just want to cuddle with you." I snuggled closer to him and mumbled, "I don't have a problem with that."