Mosaic

Harry Styles, Chapter 8

Harry Styles, Chapter 8

     Louis has anorexia. Louis is anorexic. Louis has been this way for basically two years right under our noses. When he would barely touch his breakfast and I asked what was wrong, he was trying to avoid it. Things I never noticed suddenly came to me, him wearing sweaters even in the Summer, never letting me see him naked after the last time, him never getting undressed in front of me; him always trying to avoid being seen. It all makes sense now, how could I have been so clueless? How could we all have been so clueless, really? The thing is, I'm his boyfriend and I didn't see the signs, I didn't notice him not eating, I didn't hear him force himself to throw up; I didn't see the real Louis, I saw him the way I wanted to see him, I saw younger Louis.

     "Hey, lads. I'm gonna get going." Niall said. We nodded and waved a 'bye' to him as he left. "I think I should be leaving too," Zayn said, "Harry, you comin' with me?" I look at Liam, "D'think if I take Lou home he'd freak?" Liam shook his head no, "He's been wanting to come home anyway, here's his bag." Liam handed me Louis' bag filled with books and notebooks. "I'll be in the car waiting." I nodded.

     I walked upstairs and into the guest room, I saw Louis in his bed crying. "Lou?" I say in a silent voice. He looks up and tries to wipe away all of his tears, "Yeah?" "You wanna go home?" I ask in the same voice. Louis does a smile as he looks at the bedsheets, "Did you miss me?" A smile broke onto my face, "Of course I did, I love you, Lou. I love you so much." "Let's go." He says as we walk out Liam's guest room door with my arm slung around his shoulder. "Thank you, Liam, for letting me stay," Louis told Liam. Liam nodded and responded, "Anytime."

     We said our peace and walked outside, into Zayn's car. "Everything worked out?" Louis and I looked at each other and nodded. "Good, it felt weird only hanging out with Harry, no offense." We drove to our flat and said 'goodbye' to Zayn then went into the house.

     "Lou?" I asked in a hushed tone of voice. "Yeah?" Louis whispers. We were currently laying in bed beside each other, breathless and naked. "Why do you starve yourself?" I knew I shouldn't ask this right after making love, but I had to, he looked so fragile; I'm glad he topped. "Why do you cut yourself?" He snapped. I looked down, "Sorry, Louis... it's just that.." "That what, Harry?" Louis says with his smart remarks. "I don't want to see you hurting yourself anymore, you don't deserve that." Louis rolled his eyes, "And you believe I want you to slice your arms open?" "I-" I started. "Exactly." He says and then turns around, I sigh.

     After a while of silence, I knew Louis was still awake; I didn't hear his soft snores and he wasn't thrashing around in bed. "Louis, do you hate me?" I ask. "No, I could never hate you." He replies turning to face me, "Wanna know why?" I look at him, "Because you're everything I've ever wanted, but nothing that I could ever deserve. You're too good to me Harry, you need someone better than me." I shake my head, "I only want you though, you're so much better than me. Louis, you make people laugh with your humor; I make people laugh with my awkwardness. They're laughing with you but at me." Louis looks at me and cups his hands around my face, "Don't you ever compare yourself to me again, okay? You're perfect. You're beautiful. You're flawless. Okay?" Soon our lips were pressed together, then he pulled away. "I love you, don't ever forget that." "I love you too." And with that, we snuggle up close together and fell asleep with his fingertips dancing on the skin of my wrist that had clusters of scars draped around them, but Louis didn't care, he still loved me and I loved him even with our issues.