Enlightening Stories

Jimmy Page's Adventure

Once upon a time there was an evil little man named Uncle Ernie. He enjoyed many things. What a nice man he was. Sadly, Ernie was put to death by a young warlock named James Patrick Page who happened to be a shoe shoplifter. After the murder of poor Uncle Ernie, Jimmy hopped across the street, barely avoiding a speeding hobo on a pink scooter. "BOB SAGET!" Jimmy yelled, "I COULD HAVE DIED, YOU IDJITS!" Soon, his friend Peterdennisblandfordtownshend skipped over with a shopping cart that he must have stolen from the local Wal-Mart.

"Use indoor voices," Pete told Jimmy. This came as quite a shock. Pete had never said anything so stupid to him before...

"AAAAAAH! YOU'RE NOT PETE!" Jimmy screeched in horror. He ripped the fake Peterdennisblandfordtownshend's face off and it turned out that the impostor was really Syd Barrett."HOLY LIFEHOUSE!" Jimmy heard the real Pete yell from faraway lands across the field of unicorn flowers. This reassured Jimmy, knowing that Pete was alive and well.

Because of these happenings, Jimmy hadn't noticed that Syd was creeping towards him like a rabid uncle. Jimmy screeched in horror for the second time that day and ran into the nearest curry restaurant where he saw his acquaintance George Harrison. George was very happy because of eating all of the curry. George could eat the building of the restaurant if he felt like it.

"Syd Barrett is chasing me!" Jimmy cried. George did nothing to comfort him and continued with the devouring of the curry. Jimmy expected this because whenever George eats curry, he is in a curry trance.

Jimmy heard a sound similar to a vacuum cleaner outside. "What is that?" he whispered. He was very worried about being attacked by Syd. He looked at George and saw that he was still eating curry.

Then, one of George's worst nightmares came true. The curry restaurant had been blown up with some sort of explosive fiendish thingy. Both Jimmy and George sreamed as the beloved curry shop was incinerated.

Jimmy remembered he was a master warlock and started chanting incantations. George was brought back to his senses because of the terrible recent occurences.

A laughing Keith Moon approached them. Jimmy was glad Keith was here. Maybe he could help with the Syd Barrett issue. George was unhappy. He knew that Keith was the one who caused the destruction of the curry restaurant.

Jimmy stopped casting spells and ran over and hugged Keith. "We must stop Syd Barrett from scaring the deranged people of this fucked up world!"

Of course, Keith had no idea what the lifehouse Jimmy was talking about. "Okay..." Keith replied.

"Yes. He is after me! HE AND HIS VACUUM CLEANER FILLED SOUL!"

"That's good," Keith said as he was watching George run away from the scene like a fat ice cream man running from the Let's Lose Weight Club.

Jimmy turned and saw George's escape. He wasn't much help to Jimmy, anyway.

"I might as well leave too," Keith told him.

"WHAT!? I am worried about this Syd Barrett!"

"Yeah, well I'm not. I'm gonna go kill some unicorns with John. Bye Jimmy." Keith skipped away happily before Jimmy had the oppurtunity to slow him down by clinging onto his feet.

Now Jimmy was very upset. He went over to the charred remains of a curry demon from the restaurant explosion.

"Poor curry demon. He gave us much joy." The demon was a beast made of curry that lived at the restaurant. It lived in a cage and threatened to eat the customers.

Jimmy looked at the sky, wondering which clouds were homes to the unicorns that would soon be slaugheted. There wasn't something right about the sky. There was something very wrong indeed. A creature was in the sky. It was falling to the ground. A creature, Jimmy saw as it got closer, none other than the Syd Barrett.

Jimmy quickly shouted some demon sorcery spells and found himself on a mystical device in some land that he didn't know about. He saw Robert, Jonesey, and Bonzo there as well. He forced them to have a group hug and then told them of the terrible happenings that had just taken place. "Now, where the Bob Saget are we?" Jimmy asked.

Robert smiled."We are in the land of Lifehouse," he answered.

"NO! I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE!" yelled Jimmy.

"I don't think anyone does," remarked Bonzo.

"Well, I understand it!" Jonesey said.|

"You probably don't. It curses you. It makes you think you understand it, when actually you have no idea," Bonzo replied. 

Jimmy said to Robert, "Let's get out of here."

Robert frowned. "I'm afraid there is no way out of the land of Lifehouse."