The Refugees

Chapter 33: Savannah

Edited

I take a shower, a well-deserved one too, then I quickly change. All the girls in the room are nice but I feel like I'm missing something. None of them talk much about why they are here or what they are doing down here and I don't ask either. I don't like prying information out of people.

I head out of the room and go further down the corridor in search of my dad's room. The corridor splits in two a few meters down, one way going right and the other left. As I debate on which way to go, I hear voices. Low voices. I see a light coming from one of the room further down the left hall and so I get nearer. I get closer to the door, peeking through the small opening. I see Ash, Dad and that man from before, Evan. What are they talking about? I focus on what they're saying and after a while I start to make out a few sentences.

"We have to wait until the day after tomorrow." I hear Ash say.

"But tomorrow night is better." My dad disagrees.

"If we're too hasty it's bound to blow up in our faces. We need to carefully plan everything out. Did Rick decide to help out in the end? And Josh, is he still up for it?" Ash is serious, more than he usually is. He doesn't have that bored, emotionless expression; instead he seems to really be into whatever they're talking about. What even are they talking about?

"Rick said he can make it and Josh is still sticking to the plan. No one's chickened out yet." Evan chips in.

Yet? Are they doing something scary?

"Then get a message out telling them about tomorrow night. We only have a few hours. Our chances are slim but we're good so we should make it... And if we don't at least we know the plan won't fail." My father continues.

What are they talking about?! What plan?! What's tomorrow night? I start to get frustrated again.

They have a little pause.

"So... Did you tell your daughter yet?" Evan asks my dad.

"No... I don't think I want to. She'll definitely not allow me to go if I do. I know her."

"Isn't it worse if she discovers it after you die, if you do? We all know the consequences to these actions." Ash interrupts.

Death? Why are they talking about death? What could they do that could possibly...

"You say that but she loves you too. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at you. The stakes are high for the both of us." Dad replies.

"Don't turn this on me! I'm not the most important person to her. I know that if I get any closer to her than I already am then she'll be even more devastated if i don't come back, so I'm already putting as much distance between us as possible. I can't hurt her more than I know I already will." Ash whispers, his eyes falling to the ground.

I don't move. Not a millimeter. Nothing. My body feels numb. They're going to die? What are they trying to do?

Before I know it my eyes are filled with tears which grow heavy and roll down my cheeks. I don't want to lose them. Not one nor the other. They are both the only people in my heart left. My mother was gone before I had time to know her. The only memories I have of her are short and there aren't many of them.

How could they be talking about death? How could they be discussing a future without them in it? I don't understand. Ash is still so young too. My dad has a family, he has me. Is that not enough? Does he want to die? What cause could be more important than being with me?

I slowly turn away from the door, getting further and further away from the people

I can't think properly. Dad is going to die... Ash is going to die... Their odds of living are very low... I've figured out that much. I wipe my tears quickly and wait in front of Ash's room. Even if I can't get anything out of him, I need to know how he truly feels about me, if anything at all.

Ash arrives about 5 minutes or so later and I can see he was not anticipating my arrival.

What did I do so wrong?

"What can I help you with?" He says, his tone of voice already indicating he's bored.

"Look, Ash. I can't exactly guess why you're avoiding me so can you just tell me? You're getting on my nerves."

He doesn't reply. Continuing to walk forward. He then stops at our door number and enters the room, leaving the door opened for me.

"Ash!" I plead trying to get him to actually take me seriously for once.

"What?" He snaps.

I flinch.

Why is he snapping at me? Why is he snapping at me? What did I do for him to snap at me?

"Why are you acting like this!?" I yell at him as I feel my eyes start to feel the same moisture again.

Tears. Why do I always cry?! Why am so pitiful that I can't prevent my tears from watering for more than a minute?! I hate this. This uneasy feeling, myself, these crocodile tears. I hate it all.

He walks to towards me, a serious and slightly ticked expression that intimidates me. I take a step back.

"Because I'm figuring out how to nicely tell you I can't have a relationship with you and it's fucking hard, that's why!"

He's close. A few centimeters away from my face, looming down at me. In only a few seconds the calm and gentle green eyes I have been accustomed to in my memories has vanished and is replaced by a cold, dark, angry green. Then reality hits me. The words he has just uttered have finally reached my ears.

He doesn't want to be with me.

I feel a numbness take over me but it can't stop the throbbing pain in my chest.

"I don't understand." I whisper looking to my left. Anywhere but those unnerving green eyes.

"I'm sorry. Savannah, I can't be with you."

"Why?" I attempt to ask calmly once again.

The space between us gets bigger and I feel my heart beat faster with worry. I'm losing him, and quickly. If he turns now, it's all over. Everything. Nothing more will come of it, us.

In a flash, all the memories of us together replay in my mind; the first time he held my hand and made me feel safe, the time he stood protectively in front of me when Declan first appeared with a gun in hand, the time I hugged him before falling asleep on his lap, the time when I was so scared of everything but so glad I had Ash with me, the time he safely guided me back to my dad, the time he felt a little jealous and it was the cutest thing ever, the time he got a bit tipsy and did more than he normally does, let his walls down, disarm his heart, then of course, the time we kissed, the longing I felt for more, the magic of our kiss...

I can't let him turn away now. Not now. Not after everything that has happened. Not after he let me have feelings for him. Not after he made me feel this way. I can't... It's not fair. He can't get my hopes as high as the sky to just drop them against the cold hard ground afterwards.

He makes a step to go away towards the bed and I hold his hand. He stops and looks at me.

"What?" His eyes... They're beaten, hopeless.

I let go.

"Nothing."

His hand, his soul, his heart, him, they're all gone in what is just a mere moment. I've lost him.I glance at Ash from the corner of my eye and in just a few milliseconds all my happiness has disappeared. How can he be so emotionless? How can he bear to not express any feelings? I would go insane. Being locked up in myself like that is impossible. At least for me. I don't know how he does it. He does have emotions and feelings, I've seen them. I'm not crazy. Yet he tries so hard to cover them up.

I turn away frustrated. I have all these questions that aren't being answered and are causing havoc in my mind. Can't they all just shut up? All these thoughts are affecting me.

~~~

Hey guys!

So I guess this chapter is kind of depressing but I swear it gets better!

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