Done missing you

How I must feel-5

(Move along-All American rejects)

WALLYS POV

I opened the cabinet as an object fell from the cabinet, I bent over grabbing the small picture of Richard as a single tear fell calling for more to follow.

I couldn't shake the feeling of pain now rushing over me in a instant.

I was quick to gain control as I looked away to the phone which was now ringing with inpatients.

I looked to the new number on my screen debating whether or not to answer, I decided on answering clicked the answer button.

I was taken surprise by the familiar voice now on the other end.

"Hey Wally."she said with excitement.

"Hey Lindy."I said as a little nick name.

"Okay I'm free wednesday 6pm Dinner at Maggie's"Her sweet voice filled the phone.

"Okay well uh see ya there then."I felt timid at seeing her again.

"See ya then Wally. Oh and no need to dress fancy it's after all just a date." I could almost imagine her smiling on the other end.

I laughed at that with a huge grin plastered to my face."see ya then Linda."

I felt the faint sad memories disappear as I thought of Linda she was truly beautiful and a wild flower rare special no matter if I barely knew her just looking at her face I knew she was someone special.

I looked at the picture in my hand once again hating myself for getting over him so fast.

Tears fell from my eyes it was me not him it is me holding myself back down not him he wanted me to be the happiest I could be he never said anything about the people I liked he just wanted to be with me.

But now now that he is gone.

I have to fend for myself like a lone pup.

I thought I had accepted it the fact he is gone forever he's not coming be I have to live an eternity without him by my side all because of ... it never occurred to me who would do this never had I even imagined the thought, somebody had to have done this to him who though.

Who would have such power, no, such hatred for someone they didn't know, maybe they did know him no they wouldn't have killed him if they knew him.

The question is is it a villain or a traitor.

Well it's someone with a gun for sure.

I stopped surprised at the random coldness on my cheek touching it with my hand I could see I was crying ... why?

Why cry if I know he's never going to come back no matter how many tears I shed it's nothing to the big picture why cry if I know maybe that's why I cry.

Because I know it's worse to never let go rather than accept how things are now how they couldn't change.

Yet I wouldn't be human if I didn't occasionally think of his laugh again or his smile maybe his eyes the color of the ocean deep maybe his lips even his tears.

And all the pain as well I realize I had never thought of the pain the pain he had to deal with how it should've really ended it makes me want to go back and start again but every word every thought every person all of that just fells destine to repeat what left me in the end what we consider dead inside ... truly dead inside.

But the worst thought was what if, if i could have him for once more would he be who he was before would he still love me would we still be best friends.

Yet what if he's not himself what if he's the opposite what if we are no longer friend worse what if he loses his memory and doesn't remember me of all of his friends and family or what if it's even worse what if he thinks we're crazy what if the people find out dick isn't really dead.

All my tears had gone by now and in its place laid anxiety.

Knowing I was going through the stages of loss.

I had gone through denial then anger and  bargaining now depression it won't last long though.