Two of a kind (phan and kickthestickz)

Chapter 31

The answer to the game thing I did in my AN at the end of the last chapter is... You close your eyes when you kiss someone. And who has Phil been kissing a lot recently and who did he imagine when he closed his eyes?Food for thought guys (pay attention to description as you read btw guys) (And listen to the song in it) (and i'm so sorry).


2 hours before Phil could go back to normal and hang out with Damian. Just 120 minutes. Not that long. 7200 seconds. 7199 seconds. 7198 seconds. Okay he really needed to see Damian like soon. He was going crazy in his mind. For the past hour he had been trying to play sonic to maybe beat Dame at it when he came back but he died even more than usual, he couldn't think properly his thoughts were stopping him from concentrating on anything. Apart from, well... No. He shook his head to try and loosen the thought, shake it up, wanting to rip it out and lock it away forever. But the image still burnt in his mind. Those eyes, shining brightly with so much love, and Phil was being so stupid and not realising he felt the same way.


He smiled to himself, then shook his head again violently. He just felt so conflicted he wanted to stop thinking. Stop everything. Drown it out. He grabbed his headphones and shoved them in his ears, plugging it into his phone and blasting music into his ears instantly. The sound of Patrick Stump singing filled his ears and he cranked up the volume to full, closing his eyes as his thoughts were slowly muted. He nodded his head along to the song and smiled as he felt the dread rising from his heart. Everything would be fine.


Then the song was over, and as he had put on shuffle, the next song wasn't one that would make him feel better. Fireworks by You me at six.


A wall of emotion hit him as he heard Dan singing the lyrics to him, the words ringing in his ears loudly and Phil froze, feeling so numb he couldn't even rip the headphones from his head.


So this is the end of you and me
We had a good run and I'm setting you free
To do as you want, to do as you please
Without me

Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?
Together we'd float so delicately
But that was back when we could talk about anything

'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed


He felt a small tear slip down his face, and he tried to move his hand shakily to brush it away, but he couldn't. As the next few lines played he felt almost as if he was trying to tell Dan how he felt, try to make him understand even though he wasn't there, it was all just in Phil head, and it may have well have been real.


Three whole words and eight letters late
And that would have worked on me yesterday
We're not the same, I wish that could change
But it can't


His eyes fell shut and Dan's voice filled his head again. He saw Dan in front of him, tears trickling down his cheeks as he poured his heart out to Phil, placing a hand on his cheek and staring deep into his eyes. The sparkle of hope from his gold rimmed orbs fading as each tear washed more of it away while Phil just sat there, paralysed.


'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed

So it's true what they say
If you love someone, you should set them free
Oh, it's true what they say
When you throw it away

I don't know who you are
I don't know who you are

Oh, 'cause I don't know who you are
When you sleep with somebody else
'Cause I don't know who I am
When you're sleepin' with him

It's true what they say when you throw it away


He felt Dan's hand slide off his cheek and his hand shot up, his eyes flashing open to try and catch it, but Dan wasn't there. No one was. He was alone. The clock was still ticking down the seconds before Damian would appear at his door, and Phil couldn't stop crying. He curled his legs into his body and wrapped his arms around them, his headphones falling out of his ears while he started to sob loudly, the knees of his jeans becoming damp as his body rattled with choked out sobs.


He cried for eternity in his mind, unable to stop the water gushing from his eyes and streaming down his cheeks in rivers. And he had no idea what to do.


He wanted Dan. He wanted Damian. But overall, he just wanted a hug.


Hugs kept you safe and warm and made you smile. Made you feel protected at least that little bit more, even if what you were scared of was yourself. And he needed one. He didn't care who from he just wanted a hug.


"Phil honey I'm home!" His mum called and he heard shopping bags fall to the floor with loud thumps. "Phil are you okay?" He heard her ask worriedly, and he finally looked up at her, sniffing, and then shaking his head as he burst back into tears, burying his head back in his lap. He felt an arm under his elbow and he removed his head, following his mothers guidance as she stood him up and he flung his arms around her middle, crying opening onto her shoulder. He felt her hands in his hair and he mumble shushing noises until his sobs turned to sniffs and he pulled away from her to see her looking worriedly into his face.


She sat down on the sofa and patted beside her where Phil sat down, and rested her head on his shoulder.
"You know, when you were little I heard you crying in your room and when I came in you looked like you did now. Broken a lost. Back then it was because you had lost your favourite toy which had turned out to be under the sofa. I'm guessing that this time it isn't that simple," she said calmly, watching Phil's chest rise with heavy breaths.
"I'm just so confused mum," he told her, letting out a soft hiccup.
"What happened sweetheart? Is it something to do with Dan?" She asked and Phil sighed, before finally telling her the whole story.



"So... Dan has an identical twin that you are now dating?" She said slowly after a few moments when Phil had stopped speaking. He nodded and she smiled gently, realising the hilarity of it all.
Well I didn't expect that at all," she said and Phil chuckled slightly.


"Mum, what should I do?" He asked her.
"Well you have a lot of different options honey. But honestly, do what feels right. See how you feel when you see Damian again tonight if you think you're up to it and then see how you feel if you bump into Dan again. That will at least give you some guidelines to what to do and show you how you feel about both of them. Everything is different when the person you may or may not be in love with is actually in the room," she said wisely. "Believe me I know,"
"Are you saying this same thing happened to you?" Phil asked, chuckling.
"Sort of, but at the same time," she said and winked at him, making Phil laugh loudly.
"You really are the best mum ever," Phil told her and hugged her again, making her smile and let out a little laugh of her own.
"Not quite, would you like some jam on toast?" She asked, standing up and Phil nodded quickly.
"Now you definitely are," he said and she grinned at him before picking up the shopping, frowning at one of the bags ("this had eggs in it!") before walking through to the kitchen to make Phil his toast and unpack the shopping.


When she came back and handed him the plate Phil laughed at how she had laid it out. The toast was in little heart shapes and spread liberally with jam.
"You used to do this for me when I was little too. I never knew how you did the heart shapes though," Phil said, taking a large bite. "I still don't," he added as he munched.
"Cookie cutters. They can be used for a lot," his mum told him and he chuckled.
"You should do children's tv, they would love this idea," Phil told her and she ruffled his hair.
"My million quid idea: shaped sandwiches. I should write a book," she said dramatically, smiling before walking back out the room. Phil really did have the best mum in the world. He finished his toast and took the plate through to the kitchen, shoving it in the dishwasher and looking at the clock. Only about half an hour until Damian came. Crying took up a lot of time apparently. He smiled now at the thought of seeing him, although he was still confused he knew he would make Phil feel better, even if he didn't know his feelings for him. But best friend and boy friend. It had a nice ring to it really.


He turned back to his tv (sonic was still flickering on it) and he decided he had half an hour to complete a hard level. He grabbed the controller and started the level, dying almost instantly, but he just laughed and started again, going over and over until he completed it, mentally high fiving himself when he finally got to the end. He grinned and checked the clock, it only took him fifteen minutes, that was pretty good, for Phil.


He wondered about starting another level but the doorbell went and Phil wandered through to answer it. He opened it and Damian stood there, grinning.
"Hello stranger, I couldn't wait any longer to see you again," Damian told him, bringing Phil into a large hug.
"I'm glad you came or I wouldn't have left sonic for a few days," Phil giggled and pecked his lips as they pulled apart.
"You taste like strawberry jam," Damian pointed out and Phil smiled again.
"Do you like strawberry jam?"
"Yes,"
"So there isn't a problem with me kissing you is there?"
"Not at all," Damian said happily and kissed him again, bumping their noses together before actually coming into Phil's house.
"Do you want to watch a movie sweet?" Phil asked as he took his hand to lead him inside.
"Yes please. What film?"
"I have no idea!" Phil pulled him into the front room and the knelt on the floor in front of the DVD selection. They looked over the names before Phil smiled and pulled Hot fuzz off the shelf. "This?" He asked and Damian nodded enthusiastically.
"Hell yeah put it on!" He said and Phil rolled over to the DVD player and turned it on, slotting in the disk and grabbing the remote before diving onto the sofa next to Damian and cuddling into him.


The menu came up and Phil pressed play instantly, resting his head on Damian's shoulder and nuzzling it with his nose.
"Someone's very affectionate today," Damian said chuckling.
"I missed you. That's why," Phil told him and Damian let out a small 'ahhh'.
"I missed you too. A lot. Did you have fun with Chris and Pj?" He asked.
"Mmm yeah," Phil said a bit oddly, shuffling around so his head was lying in Damian's lap, his face away from Damian's gaze, staring properly at the screen. "Oh I forgot Martin Freeman was in this!" He said, trying to change the subject.
"Phil are you okay?" Damian asked more worriedly.
"Yup, completely fine," he said, brushing off the question again.
"Look at me and say that,"
"No," he pouted childishly.
"Then you're not okay." Phil sighed and rolled over to look up at Damian who was staring into his face.
"See fine," Phil said, about to roll back but Damian slid a hand onto his cheek, stopping him from moving at all.
"You're eyes are red at the edges. Have... have you been crying Phil?" He asked, a slight look of panic reaching his face.
"No," he mumbled back and shut his eyes.


"Phil, please just talk to me? I love you, I want to help," Damian begged and Phil opened his eyes again, giving him a sad smile.
"Just... Busy day. Chris and Pj at lunch asking about Dan and stuff, they know we're together and say they're cool with it by the way, and then when I got home I put on some music and a song that made me think of Dan came on and I ended up crying over it. It was nothing really," Phil explained and Damian nodded along.
"What song?" He asked.
"Fireworks by You me at six," Phil replied, shutting his eyes again, knowing Damian knew the song.
"Oh. Right," Damian said, sounding a bit off. Phil's eyes fluttered open.
"Oh no I mean like it felt like Dan was singing it to me," Phil said and Damian looked a bit relieved.
"Oh that makes more sense. Just don't listen to that song again lion, I don't want you to be sad," Damian said and started stroking his fringe out of his eyes.
"I won't," Phil said, reaching up his hand and wrapping his fingers through Damian's curls, bringing his lips down to meet his own in a short sweet kiss.
"I love you so much," Damian mumbled and Phil brought his lips back down, kissing him more passionately to return the motion.


He moved his head away and turned back to the film, laughing along with all the jokes and smiling as he felt Damian shuffle down and lie behind him, cradling him in his arms and hugging him tightly.
"Phil sweetie I'm going out!" His mum said, poking her head around the door. Damian hid his head quickly in Phil's shoulder as Phil went a bit red at how close they were when his mum was around and smirking at him.
"Have fun," Phil told her.
"I will be back late. And don't be embarrassed you two look very cute," she said cheerily.
"Mum!"
"Okay I'm going, bye boys!"
"Bye Mrs Lester!" Damian called after her and they heard the door slam. They giggled as she left and then Damian went silent, chewing his lip.


"Does your mum still think I'm Dan?" Damian asked awkwardly.
"No she knows you're Damian and that I broke up with Dan. She didn't ask questions though which is good," Phil lied, not looking at Damian deliberately.
"Oh good. Won't be shock to her then," he giggled and Phil laughed, flicking Damian's stretcher, stroking over the un-pierced ear and stealing another kiss.
"Yeah,"


"Hey tiger?"
"Yes lion?"
"Do you know what's funny?"
"Not that damn badminton joke again,"
"No, not that. Though that is hilarious."
"What's funny?"
"How one of the worst days of my life turned into one of the best," Phil told him.
"How do you mean?" Damian asked, planting a kiss on the back of Phil's head.
"Well, you know the Friday me and Dan broke up? Well the day part before that bit happened was quite fun if you get me. It was nice us all hanging out. But then the sad bit happened and it was horrible but you found me and looked after me and the day turned bright again," Phil explained. "So something that was sweet turned bitter ended up even sweeter with a pinch of sugar added," he said happily.
"Am I your pinch of sugar?" Damian giggled.
"Yes. You're the sweetness in my life," Phil told him and Damian kissed the top of his head again. Phil shuffled around and kissed Damian on the lips, resting a hand on his chest and weaving the other back into his hair, stroking through the soft curls. Damian slid his arms around Phil's waist and pulled him closer, swiping his tongue along Phil's bottom lip, asking for entrance, to which Phil agreed happily.


Phil clung to Damian's hair tighter as his tongue explored his mouth, his hand stroking up and down his chest rhythmically, Damian's grip tightening at his waist. Phil let out a quiet moan as Damian's hands trailed down to his ass and squeezed it lightly, making Damian let out a small chuckle in response, sliding his hands into Phil's back pockets. Phil tugged lightly at Damian's hair, making him groan in response and cup his ass, making Phil gasp and break away from Damian, starting to press kisses down his jaw and along his neck, making Damian moan loudly.
"Phil," he breathed. He moved a hand into his hair and brought Phil's lips back to his own, rolling on top of him and sliding a hand up his shirt. Phil shivered from Damian's touch and pressed his lips more strongly back against Damian's, tugging at his hair tightly, twining it through his fingers. Phil felt Damian leave his lips and move his mouth to his ear, nibbling slightly before tugging at the lobe. "Upstairs?" Damian growled in his ear and Phil moaned, nodding his head frantically and Damian pulled back, dark brown eyes clouding his eyes and Phil had to try not to faint.



Phil felt his body slammed into the wall just before the stairs, his jumper having been yanked off his head and thrown away moments before. Damian attacked his neck harshly with his lips, starting to suck at the skin, making Phil moan loudly and rip Damian's jacket off, leaving it pooled on the floor as Phil felt Damian bite down on his clavicle, making him roll his hips into Damian's, making Damian growl and bite down again, making Phil whine, hands back in Damian's hair and tugging as endless moans tumbled from his lips. Damian's hands under his shirt, Phil's hands through his locks and their bodies pressed together tightly, it was all Phil wanted. Him. Phil slid under Damian's t-shirt, stroking across the soft pudge he had from not exercising, and smiling to himself, before more moans passed his lips. He managed to lean his head forward and bite his ear lobe, feelings small piercing between his teeth before letting it ping back, Damian letting out a small moan before smashing his lips back against Phil's, rolling his hips back into Phil's again.


Phil got lost in the kiss, imagining the glow on his light gold-brown eyes as they kissed, his flat ironed hair started to curl with sweat as he nibbled at Phil's lip, suddenly grabbing under his thighs and pulling him upwards, Phil naturally wrapping his legs around his waist and him holding up his weight.
"Going up," Damian mumbled and stared carrying him upstairs, lips still pressed furiously against Phil's, tangling their tongues together in perfect sync.


Soon Phil felt his mattress underneath him as Damian lay him down, ripping off his own shirt before crawling up to Phil, slowly working his t-shirt off before Phil got inpatient and pulled it off himself, throwing it across his room before he threw Damian down beside him and straddled him, rolling on top and bending down to kiss his neck, Damian arching his back into Phil making him groan and nibble at the nape, making Dan moan loudly beneath him as Phil smirked before licking over the skin, soothing it before sucking forcefully, making Damian buck into him. Phil started kissing further down his chest and sucking at his collar bones, nipping at the skin and Damian dug his nails into Phil's skin, running down his back making Phil bite down hard, and Damian let out a tiny scream.
"Fuck Phil!" He yelled and Phil ground into Damian, bringing their lips back together roughly. Phil started kissing back up his jaw, nibbling his ear before pressing his lips needily against Dan's again, falling deeper and deeper into want for the beautiful boy below him. He snaked his hands down to Dan's belt and started tugging on the buckle, trying to loosen it so he could pull it off and get closer to him, but Damian stopped him.


"Phil, wait," Damian said, pulling his lips away and catching Phil's face with his hand.
"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Phil asked worriedly and Damian chuckled and stroked his cheek gently.
"Phil, some time ago I remember you saying you wanted your first time to be with someone you really loved. So I need to ask, do you love me?" He said seriously, and Phil gazed into his eyes.
"Of course I do," he said quickly and Damian smiled sadly.
"You've never told me Phil. I need to know this," he persisted and Phil stared at his face. His eyes weren't glinting gold, his hair wasn't still partially straight and there was no dimple on his cheek. This wasn't Dan. This was Damian. And he wasn't in love with him.


A tear rolled from his eye and Damian nodded sadly, still smiling up at Phil.
"It's fine Phil, I understand. You are still in love with Dan," he said softly and Phil let out a choked sob, rolling off Damian and curling into a ball, hands clamped over his face as the tears fell.
"Shit Damian I am so sorry!" He cried, rolling back over and hugging Damian's chest, his hot salty tears dripping onto his skin as Damian wrapped his arms around him and held him. "I am such a horrible person. I can't believe I didn't realise I was playing you accidentally. I promise I didn't mean to please don't hate me I'm just so so sorry Damian," he stuttered, clutching him tighter.
"Shush Phil. I kinda guessed anyway, I just didn't want it to end before it had to I guess. Don't worry Phil, it will all be fine," Damian told him gently, stroking his hair while Phil sniffed and clung to him, unable to stop his tears flowing.


When he finally managed to calm down it was dark outside and Damian was still holding him, stroking through his hair and staring out at the moon through Phil's window.
"Why don't you hate me?" Phil asked when he could find the words.
"Because this wasn't intentional. And it wasn't your fault," Damian said simply.
"But I abused your feelings,"
"Phil, I wouldn't swap the past few days for anything. I hope you know that. It was worth the pain that will come," he told him and Phil looked up at him, eyes wide and bloodshot.
"I wouldn't swap them for anything either," he sniffed, burying his face back into Damian's chest.
"That's sweet," Damian said, a smile in his voice.
"I can't lose you Damian. Are you alright with us maybe being friends again?" Phil asked him sadly, waiting for the rejection sure to come his way.
"There would be nothing I would like more Phil," he said sadly and Phil smiled, letting out a small yawn. "Go to sleep Phil, I promise I won't go anywhere," Damian told him and Phil leant up and pecked his lips softly, one more tear sliding from his eyes.
"Thanks Dame, for everything," he whispered before resting his head back on Damian's chest and closing his eyes, the exhaustion from the day taking him over instantly and sending him into a deep sleep.



He woke up a couple of hours later and looked up to see Damian still smiling softly down on him, but his eyes and cheeks were damp, and the tears were still falling, the moonlight from the window making them glisten and shine silver. Phil carefully lifted up a hand and wiped away the salt water littering his face gently with him thumb before giving him a small sad smile before curling back into his side.
"Hey Dame?"
"Yeah Phil?"
"I love you." Damian let out a small sigh and another tear fell.
"I love you too."




I JUST SUNK I SHIP I LIKED MYSELF I AM SO SORRY! (Please don't kill me) I am really sorry. Oh god. I'm sorry that was quite sad, the song probably didn't help (I always cry when I listen to it) and I'm just really sorry.


On brighter news I am going to die tomorrow (maths exam shit) so at least I won't get anymore death threats. Hopefully.


Oh and if you want a story that is less likely to make you cry then read a story by my awesome friend, Emmy_xxx called The eyes I never saw because its really good and I am in it *blushes* (hehe now you have to write take that lil bitch) so go do that if you want more ready stuff!


Anyways anyshways


Stay sharp my protractors (what is with all the maths eugh)


Anni out!


*throws snowballs at you as it is probably going to snow soon #greatbritishweather* (if it is still vaguely warm were you are then I will throw ice cream at you)