Two of a kind (phan and kickthestickz)

Chapter 33

Again all of this is from Dan's POV just go with it it's all good.




It had been a few days and he was slowly on the mend. He had started stuffing his face again and sleeping properly, and he was feeling much better. The only worry he had dawning on him was what would happen about school tomorrow? Would Phil blank him? Would he just pretend everything was normal? He didn't know. Phil still hadn't decided to tell him why him and Damian had broken up, which worried him as well as heightening his hopes just a small bit. Maybe, just maybe, it was something good. But not knowing wasn't so bad really, he was getting back close to Damian, which was pretty great, he had missed having a brother.


But what was this mystery reason? He tried to stop thinking about it but his mind had a habit of wandering back to the topic, filling his brain with theories and ideas about what had happened. Spending the day with Pj and Chris had helped at least. They had told Dan they knew about Damian and Phil splitting up and Chris let slip that they already knew why it had happened but then shut up when Dan asked the reason. Pj had told him that he should wait for Phil to tell him and Dan had sighed, but agreed. Phil hadn't contacted him saying when he would though. It was a waiting game. Dan texted Pj everyday in case he had news about it but he never did. It was starting to get a little frustrating. He at least hoped Phil wasn't keeping him on edge deliberately. That would be a total bitch move. At least he knew Phil wasn't like that.


Dan had to admit he really didn't want to go back to school tomorrow, seeing Phil for the first time after his huge meltdown wouldn't be fun at all, unless... No. He mustn't get his hopes up. Right? But anyway, as it was the last day of the holidays he would do what any teenage boy would do: get up around midday and spend the rest of his time in his pyjamas trying to get further on Call of duty. Simples.



At around 3 in the afternoon Dan was screaming at his Tv.
"For fucks sake why does everyone die?" He yelled. Then his screen went blank as his own character died as well. "Oh great me too well isn't that bloody wonderful," he shouted sarcastically.
"Dan have you been on a killing spree or something?" He heard Damian ask and turned to see his face peeping around the door.
"Online yes. Reality... Maybe. Was I being loud?" Dan said awkwardly.
"Let's just say our neighbours will be a bit worried," Damian told him and Dan blushed.
"Oops,"
"Oops indeed. Have you eaten yet? I'm getting lunch,"
"No I was busy on my killing spree,"
"Want some noodles?"
"Hell yeah,"
"Then cook them yourself," Damian said cheekily and walked back out the door, leaving Dan grumbling behind him.
"Fine!" He yelled back, standing up and muttering to himself. "Little shit." He followed Damian into the kitchen and instantly a pack of instant noodles flew at his head, which Dan managed to catch, but fumbled and dropped them. "I hate you sometimes,"
"Love you too," Damian said, blowing him a kiss. "I would do them together but you are weird and like the curry ones," Damian added.
"Well you're stupid and like the chicken ones,"
"Sorry if my love of meat is too manly for you," Damian said, raising an eyebrow and kissing both of his biceps.
"No, it just makes you an idiot,"
"With these arms no one is complaining," Damian tossed back and Dan scowled at him, knowing he had virtually no muscle at all. He set about starting to make his noodles, putting on music from his phone and moving his body to the music as he stirred.


"Dan what are you doing?" He heard Damian ask and he stopped moving instantly.
"Nothing," he replied quickly.
"You were dancing," Damian grinned.
"No I wasn't,"
"You were,"
"Yeah well, so what?"
"You're not doing it right,"
"Well- wait what?"
"Move your feet more,"
"What the hell?"
"Fine, dance like an idiot. Dan slowly turned around, feeling awkward.
"What... What do I have to do?"
"Step sideways when you move your hips," Damian said, demonstrating.
"Okay," Dan said nervously and tried to copy what Damian did.
"No more like this," Damian said again, putting his hands on his hips to emphasise his movement.
"This is so weird,"
"Just do it," Damian told him and Dan did it again.
"Yeah that's a bit better. Just relax into it and you will have mastered kitchen dancing," Damian said, clapping him on the shoulder.
"Thanks I guess," Dan laughed and Damian grinned.
"Anytime bro,"



When Dan's noodles were ready he tipped them into a bowl and walked back into his lounge, sitting cross-legged on the sofa and switching the TV to Masterchef. After a few minutes Damian walked in with his own food and sat next to him.
"Well I feel like a peasant sitting here eating my instant noodles," Damian commented and Dan chuckled. "Is that it bacon and chocolate pizza? That's a thing‽"
"Apparently it is but I doubt the judges will like it," Dan said sadly.
"How could they not? That's like all you need in life to survive!" Damian said loudly and Dan laughed.
"Easy Dame, just eat your noodles and shout when they actually say they hate it," Dan said and Damian muttered something and shoved some of the noodles in his mouth.


About half way through the program Dan felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out and let out a small gasp.
"It's Phil," he said and Damian looked up. Dan jumped up and started walking around. "What do I do?" He asked, panicking.
"Answer if dumbass," Damian told him. Dan kept pacing and randomly grabbed the controller and gave it to Damian. Then an orange.
"How?" He asked exasperated.
"Press the button. And before it stops ringing," Damian said. Dan took a deep breath and pressed the button, holding his shaking hand to his ear.


"Hey Dan," he heard Phil say down the phone. He didn't sound sad, was this a good thing?
"Sup Phil," Dan breathed and let out a shaky laugh as he saw Damian face palm over his use of language.
"Er Dan, I was phoning to say, well do you wanna meet up today? I kinda need to tell you something," Phil said awkwardly, and Dan could tell he was nervous, which made him smile. At least he would be feeling weird alone.
"That's fine. Do you want to come over in say, like an hour?" He asked casually and Damian gave him a thumbs up.
"How about we go to the park instead? But an hour sounds good,"
"Fine with me, meet under that huge oak tree with the benches around it?" Dan said.
"Yeah see you then, bye," he heard Phil say and the call cut off.


"I'm meeting him in an hour at the park," Dan said, his hand trembling and he dropped his phone onto the sofa.
"Good," Damian told him and Dan didn't move. "Are you gonna get changed or...?" Damian prompted and Dan snapped up, grabbed his phone and ran upstairs followed by Damian's laughter. Shower, then clothes, then get rid of curls. He dived into the bathroom and and switched on the shower, ripping his clothes off and jumping into the hot spray, turning his skin and hair to bubbles before washing himself off and jumping back out, wrapping a towel around him and running another messily through his hair and walking back through to his bedroom with half vision as his hair was covering half of his face. He pushed it back and opened his wardrobe quickly, finding skinny jeans and pulling out a normal black t-shirt and then his thin green jumper. He pulled everything on and some boxers and then put his straighteners on to heat up, while struggling to find socks and pulling on two odd ones. No one was going to see his feet therefore he wouldn't care. His iron was hot now and he sat down on his bed, looking at himself in the mirror and started to slick his hair through the heated tongues, hearing quiet hisses as the water was steamed from his head leaving it straight and floppy just as he preferred.


As soon as it was done (in record time) he jumped up again and ran out the door before quickly spinning back and switching off the straighteners so he didn't burn down the house and flew downstairs, pulling on his shoes and black jacket and running back into the front room where Damian was still sitting.
"How do I look and did they like the pizza?" Dan asked breathlessly.
"You look fine and they did it was terrifying," Damian said just as quickly. "And good priorities,"
"Right I'm going now I will see you later okay?"
"You have half an hour to spare Dan, the park is only like 7 minutes away why are you going so soon?" Damian asked him confusedly.
"I don't know I just need to get out of the house I think, but wish me luck," Dan said happily, starting to walk back out the door.
"Dan wait!" Damian called and he looked back through the door. Damian stood up and walked over to him.


"Dan, I just want to tell you not to get your hopes up a lot. Because you don't know what he's gonna say, hell I hardly know really, I just don't want you crushed again because your hopes were so high. Okay? Just stay calmish and act human when you talk to him," Damian said and patted his shoulder.
"Thanks Dame, I will keep that in mind," Dan said and patted him back quickly him before walking back over to the door and opening it, walking outside and shoving headphones into his ears as he paced quickly to the park, getting there incredibly quickly.


He walked through the park gates and headed down the main path towards the huge tree in the middle of the park. He followed the twisted route and turned a corner before he saw in and sat on the bench underneath it and checked his phone for the time, his leg jiggling with anticipation. He had 20 minutes before Phil would turn up. Time to think. He probably should have listened to Damian and left home later. Oh well. He would always walk around the park if he couldn't sit still.



He couldn't sit still. He stayed there for about 2 minutes before he had to move. He stood up and circled the tree, not sure where to go, but started heading towards the more wooded area of the park, walking alongside the small stream running through to the big pond. No one was around but Dan wasn't too surprised. It was almost winter, and very very cold. He stared at the water and saw a rippled reflection of himself in the murky liquid and smiled to himself. He could have Phil back soon. He could have his soulmate back in his arms. He could be happy again.


He grinned to himself and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Ten minutes, he should get back to the tree in case Phil was early. He jogged back through the the trees and saw the tree in front of him, and Phil wasn't there yet. Good. He stopped running and started to walk more casually back to the bench in case anyone could see him, sitting down and checking the time again. About 7 minutes. Minutes to burn. He brought up a game on his phone and played it for a few minutes until he heard rustling of leaves and looked up, tucking his phone back into his pocket and seeing Phil walking towards him, offering a small smile. Dan sat up a little straighter and smiled back, he couldn't help himself. This was Phil, and he loved him.


"Hey," Phil said, waving a little awkwardly before sitting down next to Dan, leaving about a person sized gap in between.
"Hey," Dan said softly. "What did you need to tell me?" He asked, trying not to let the excitement leak through in his voice.
"You deserve to know why I broke up with Damian," Phil told him, looking into Dan's face solemnly.
"Tell me," Dan said gently, staring into those beautiful blue eyes that he saw every time he close his own.
"I will have to explain in more detail before I say it outright okay?" Phil asked and Dan nodded, fixated on Phil's face, and what's more, his lips when he started to talk, wishing he could just lean in and kiss them. "We were at my house and we were just chatting about the day you and me broke up, and how it kind of turned out good because I got Damian out of it. We started kissing and it got kinda heated and we er, we went upstairs and-"
"Phil can I just stop you there I really don't want to hear it," Dan said sadly, dropping his gaze.
"Oh no we didn't," Phil said and Dan looked up.
"You didn't?"
"No. He stopped me,"
"Why?" Dan said. Seriously, how could anyone say no to Phil? Dan knew what he looked like when his eyes were clouded with lust and it was a hard sight to turn down, Damian must have nerves of steel or something.
"He asked me if I loved him. And I replied with 'of course'. He asked me why I wouldn't say the actual words and I realised I couldn't say them and he told me he knew why I couldn't." Phil took a deep breath. "He said it was because I was still in love with you," he breathed, looking away from Dan's face.
"Are you?" Dan asked quietly, staring back into Phil's eyes. Phil paused and then looked up and met his eyes.
"I am."


Dan smiled gently and leant in slowly, dropping his lids as he saw Phil start to lean to, but as soon as he felt Phil's soft breath on his lips he felt him pull away.
"No Dan I can't." He said and stood up, running a hand through his hair.
"Why not?" Dan asked, trying to be gentle but honestly, he was getting angry. Why couldn't Phil just tell him simply and stop messing him around?
"Because you cheated on me! How can I trust you won't do it again?" He said loudly and Dan stood up too, catching his wrists as he swooped around.
"You can trust me Phil I promise. I would never do anything to hurt you," Dan said, catching his stare and Phil held if for a few seconds, and Dan felt as if he was winning but Phil pulled away and shook his head.
"I trusted you before and you hurt me Dan. You broke my heart to spite your own brother, my best friend. How could I just say 'yeah sure, come back I trust you' when you kissed another person for no good reason?" He almost shouted, tears welling up in his eyes.
"I didn't mean to!" Dan yelled. "I don't even remember doing it properly and you're still mad. You have been messing me around this past week, dating my fucking brother because you thought he was me and hurting me more than I was and then telling me you had broken up with him, but not why and then leading me on but saying no? Phil just please tell me what you want!" Dan shouted and Phil flinched.


"I don't know what I want Dan. It's all messed up in my head," Phil said and hung his head. "I just wished I knew I could trust you," he said quietly after, still not looking up.
"But you can trust me Phil! I have let you break my heart 3 times over the past few days and yet I still love you, and I know you love me too. Just please trust me," Dan begged, tilting Phil's head to face him. Phil's gaze flickered on his face and around his and eyes and he gaze Dan an angry unsure look, as if he was fighting a battle.
"Dan, I am sorry about hurting your heart the past few days but do you know what? It was you who broke your heart in the first place. You caused me to run and didn't come after me. Why didn't you? I thought somewhere in my heart that maybe... Maybe you would at least try to save what we had. But you didn't. You left me crying in a fucking bush in the cold while you- I don't even know what you were doing. I thought you were still kissing Amy! That image was stuck in my head every time i blinked and you want me to forget it? You ripped me to pieces Dan, I had never had any experience of a relationship and you just trashed it, and you think we can just pick up where we left off," Phil said harshly.
"I didn't come because I was paralysed. I had no idea what I had done or what to do Phil! I was stuck, slowly breaking to pieces!" Dan protested.
"But you could still shout at Damian." Phil said bluntly and stepped back from Dan angrily, running a hand through his hair.
"Phil you know if I could take back every little thing I would! I am actually a brother to Damian now and he was the reason I went all paranoid in the first place so there is literally no problem. Just please fucking trust me on this. I love you, and I can't lose you. I need you," Dan pleaded, staring right into Phil'a face as tears slowly dripped off his cheeks. He saw Phil rise a hand to brush them off, but he froze and let the arm drop.
"I love you too. But I just can't," Phil said quietly and Dan felt him slipping away, and so did the only thing he thought he could do.


He pressed his lips firmly against Phil's. And for a split second, Phil kissed him back.


But then Dan was pushed away and Phil was crying, his blue eyes fading to grey as he shook his head again.
"Dan I can't. I'm so sorry but I can't make myself trust you like this. I would say we could still be friends as I don't want to lose you too, but what sort of friendship would this be? With one of us pining over the other?" He asked and the words slipped from Dan's lips.
"You mean like the relationship you have with Damian?" He said quietly and fiercely met Phil's eyes, who's started to burn.
"You think I am fucking happy I broke Damian's heart for you? It broke my heart having to break up with him and you have the fucking nerve to say that to me when you are saying you want me back? Well fuck you!" Phil screamed and stepped backwards.
"No... Phil," Dan said quietly, reaching out a hand after him but Phil's anger was radiating viciously. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry,"
"Save it." Phil took another deep breath and glared death towards Dan.


"Sometimes I wish I loved Damian instead of you," he spat, and turned and started running away into the trees, stumbling as his tears blocked his vision, and then he was gone.


Dan slumped down onto the bench and pressed his head into his hands as he wiped the steam of tears away. Phil had gone again, slipped through his fingers like silk. And Dan could do nothing to get him back, he was gone yet again and Dan's heart was slowly breaking away into pieces so small they could fit through the eye of a needle. He thought over what Phil had said, all rushing through his head, before he realised something important and looked up again. He knew what he had to do. He had to follow him. He had to fight. For Phil.



His feet were stumbling as he ran, pushing through leaves and bushes as he tried to remember the right spot, feeling brambles scratch at his skin and he smashed through them, determined to get to Phil. He reached the edge of the trees and looked wildly down at the row of bushed, trying to find the opening. He stepped along and saw a scuff of the dirt on the ground and a small hole in the bushes. The sudden memory of Phil kissing him cheekily before disappearing through this gap made him shock alive and drop to the floor, crawling along so he could reach his Phil, and get him back. This time, for good. He kept crawling until his saw a boy, huddled up clutching his legs in the opening, shaking as sobs were escaping his throat.


"Phil," Dan said quietly and Phil jumped and snapped his head up, the tears still slowly falling.
"Why are you here?" Phil asked shakily, still clutching his legs.
"Because I can't lose you," Dan said honestly and shuffled further in and sat next to him, but was careful not to touch him in case it was the wrong move.
"I can't lose you either," Phil said quietly and Dan smiled in spite of everything. "But Dan, I still can't be your boyfriend again. At least, not yet. I still can't trust you with my heart," Phil sniffed, roughly wiping the tears from his face. Dan didn't say anything, just curled up his legs like Phil did and hugged then silently.
"Please?" Dan finally said, but he was unable to look at Phil. "I love you so much. I just want you back," he whispered.
"I love you too. But I just can't. I'm really sorry Dan, but until I can trust you properly again, can we just be friends?" Phil asked and Dan sighed, but gave the tiniest of nods. "Thank you," Phil said quietly. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Phil started shuffling around and spoke up.


"I have to go Dan. See you tomorrow," he said sadly, delicately moving some of Dan's fringe from him face before starting to crawl away, and Dan knew he could no longer catch him. He had lost his last chance in saving him. Saving Phil, and saving himself.





I'm not even gonna do my usual ending I'm just gonna run and hide somewhere no one can find me. Death threats welcome.