Warning: This chapter contains subjects that have a connection to being suicidal and depression. If you do not feel comfortable reading this then please don't because I don't want to make you feel bad in any way!
Lonely. That word seemed to define his feelings most. One week had passed since Mister Payne had kissed and Niall still wasn't feeling any better. Perrie tried to cheer him up at school a bit and it worked. But then he got home and it all went wrong again as soon as he was left alone.
By that his dad would be home in one week from now on and that was another thing that made Niall feel worse, because if you ask him, that bussiness trip could go on forever.
His teacher had stopped talking to him. Or well, when it wasn't about maths. Niall didn't even bother to ask for an explination when he didn't understood something. He already found it hard to sit in a classroom with his maths teacher, not even talking about actually talking to him.
It was pathetic, he knew.
He slowly woke up the next morning by his alarm, a sweet reminder that he would start the day off with two hours of maths. He barely was able to keep up with one hour, so how was he going to deal with two?
He dragged himself out of his bed into the shower. He liked the warm water sliding over his body and he knew he had to get out, but he stayed in. He couldn't care less about running in too late. Not today.
After half an hour he finally got out and dressed himself, not paying much attention to what he was wearing. A cream colored chinos, a white t-shirt, white sneakers and a black blazer. He grabbed his bag and left to school, running in 20 minutes too late.
He opened the door slowly as everyone looked up (he didn't knew why, but somehow he did too when the door suddenly opened) and faced his teacher. Liam looked up at the irish lad. He had been worried about why he didn't appear in his class.. "Why are you late?" He asked his eyes taking in Niall's appearance. He still looked tired and there was another expression, but he couldn't really give a name to it. Niall shrugged. "Just sit down."
Why did he let him go off so easy? Niall didn't understand, but just did as he was told to.
"What the fuck?" Niall turned his face into the direction the voice had been coming from to see Zayn look at his teacher. The guy was the kind of populair type and Niall had the feeling he didn't like him that much.
"Shouldn't you give him detention or something? He's 20 minutes too late?" The guy asked as a Bradford accent could be heard. "I can decide that for myself." His teacher answered, looking at the screen of his laptop again, yet Zayn wasn't done yet.
"Jesus, you give me detention when I run in 5 minutes to late and you let him get away with 20?" He asked. Niall had to admit that was true, but then again, Zayn made trouble everywhere and pretty much always ran in to late and this was Niall's first time. (He didn't count the first day because well, he couldn't find the classroom, so it wasn't actually on purpose).
"I tell you again, I can decide for my own, now get on with your work please." Liam told him. Why couldn't these populair kids just shut their mouth for ones, instead of always having to prove themselves to the others?
"Are you in love with him or what?" Zayn joked, yet his teacher looked up as his eyes widened and Zayn didn't understood why. Laughs could be heard. "Well, he's a fag and I bet he'll hook up with everyone, so why not give it a try mister Payne.."
Niall looked down at the table. He didn't understood. He wouldn't deny that he actually was gay, but how did they even know? Was it that obvious? Then again, what was wrong with being gay?
"Shut up Zayn!" Perrie said angerly. She didn't like people talking bad about her friends and well, this subject was kind of sensitive to Niall and eventhough Zayn didn't know that, she still wanted him to stop talking about it.
Liam tried to keep it together. "Zayn, I'd like you to take your stuff and leave the classroom. Come back after the bell rang." Zayn laughed sarcastic. "You throw me out now, you won't see me back." He said as he dumped all his which was on the table (not that it was much) into his bag and stood up.
Liam simply ignored him and watched the boy walking out as he looked at Niall who seemed hurt by what had just been said. Liam wasn't sure wether to ask him if he was okay or not and decided not to.
Faggot.
Waste of space.
You shouldn't be here.
Zayn was so right about Niall in maths! Nasty faggot.
Niall stared at his screen in disbelief. What Zayn had said went through the school as a running fire. They had made rude comments all day to him and now they even spammed his twitter full of them.
This had happend last week too. It wasn't the first time Zayn made a comment, but before it had nothing to do with being gay, plus, the tweets and comment would last a day and then it would stop, that didn't mean it didn't hurt though. It appeared Zayn blamed him for having 5 hours of detention and because he knew everyone and everyone knew him, they all went mad on Niall.
Was he the only one seeing that Zayn Malik was a total douchebag? Eventhough he was, his actions and the comments and messages still made him feel bad. He didn't understand. Alot of people who scolded him didn't even know him. So how could they hate him if they never talked with him? Never gave him a chance to show them who he really was?
He didn't know. He truly didn't know.
On the other side he kinda got it. He meant, his dad hated him. Greg and he used to have quite some fights before he died. Then there was his mom, who he always bothered by simply being there (she let alot of nice things she could do slip because she didn't want to leave him alone with his dad). Back in Ireland he had gotten bullied and now the same thing was happening over here and then there was his teacher... His teacher who cared about him, who he liked, who kissed him and then he fucked up.
Niall got up from the chair and lay down on his bed as he curled up. He had hoped never to feel this way again when he left his old school. His dad could make him feel this little, but he believed he would be able to stand up against his home situation when he had people to rely on, yet next to Perrie he had no one.
Niall had promised himself not to slip back into his old habits, but at the moment, he couldn't care less. His hand reached out for the box under his bed as he took out a small box. He opened it and took out the small razor as he looked at it.
Would he do it? The scars from before had faded. He had never gone really deep, because to him, it was about control. He didn't have control over anything, but he did have control over this. How much, how deep, when, how long.
He putted the sharp material against his skin and slipped it over.
He deserved this.
Poor Nialler :c Where's superman Payne now ha?! He'll come, promise (; Tell me what you guys thought in the comments! If you ship Larry Stylinson, then please check out this fanfiction of mine because I'm willing to continue it with more readers! (: (http://www.wattpad.com/story/6958718-saviour-larry-stylinson) Byeee!
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