Dear Future Me

Chapter 6: Starbucks

Chapter 6: Starbucks

2012!Dan-

I sigh, leaning back in my desk chair. "Phiiill!" I groan. I look at my bedroom door, waiting for his expected arrival.

Sure enough, the door is cracked open slightly and Phil peaks his head in with a light smile."Yeah Dan, is everything alright?" He asks, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, just bored shitless, that's about it. What're you up to?" I ask looking over at him, still not used to the slight physical changes in Phil.

Like his height, whether he had only grown like a few inches or not, I just wasn't used to it. But, at least I was just as tall as him rather than being picked on occasionally in 2012 for being only like ten centimeters shorter than Phil. I understood it was all in good fun, and Phil was just trying to bring some kind of light into the relationship. Just as he brings the light to everything he possibly can.

Phil glances to something, or somewhere, that was out of the room."I was actually on younow, I still am but, when you called I wanted to make sure everything was alright. I know we kind of agreed we'd both stay off the internet until this was situated, but I usually do a live show every week so I at least wanted to give my subscribers today. But, after this I promise I won't be doing it again." He seemed to choose his words carefully, still aware I was, well am technically, a selfish prick in 2012 and my mindset was no different now that I was in 2016.

I sighed in annoyance, but replied with my tone calm, understanding that I didn't want to ruin mine and Phil's 2016 friendship as I had our 2012 one. "Alright, go on with your live show then. It's fine, just let me know when you're finished. I want to go out or something." I look down at my hands, which were entwined with one another.

"Alright, thanks. I'll tell the people you said hi." He then walks back into the lounge.

Due to the deathly silence of my room, I could hear his voice. The words muffled by the wall too much to decipher.

The silence left me no other choice but to open up my thoughts, which was never a good thing for me. I throw myself onto my bed and close my eyes, hoping sleep would overtake me before the dark corner of my mind did. Too late I guess.

Why am I here? Like, why the fuck am I even on this earth? Surely the world could've let a much more decent human being waste it's oxygen. Thanks to just how much of a fuck up I am, I have managed to land myself into 2016, where I am still living with my best friend, who may or may not be my friend with benefit or something.

I groan, taking my pillow in my hand and smashing it into my face. "Fuck me... Just, shut up and sleep. Anything other than this shit, please." My voice was muffled due to the pillow. I was grateful for this, just in case Phil had somehow gotten super hearing or something like that and was able to hear my pleas. Hell, I'm sure if my soul or something switching with my future self could happen, anything could now.

What even are we in this year? Surely we aren't together. I mean, I'm not gay... I'm just not. I guess my mind wasn't going to listen to me today.

Of course this was something that would come up. My sexuality was the largest problem in my life at the moment. Or, it was at least before all this shit happened. It was the reason I am—was—whatever, this timey wimey bullshit is all so confusing. But, it's why I was so upset for the past few months. I didn't know what I was. I liked girls, I really did but, when I looked at a guy I felt like they were just as attractive as a female. But, that feeling was normal, right? Of course it was. But that wasn't the issue, it wasn't that I could love a male, it was that I was in love with one.