Hold on

Chapter 8

Ruby's POV

I'm staring at the ceiling in the pitch black, my mind is empty i just feel empty in some way the dark comforts me is this what death would be like this dark emptyness you left with your thoughts, thinking about all the mistakes you've made. Slowly i'm sinking deeper off the sleep, untill i hear the doorbell ring downstairs it has to be Riley i get off of my bed straighten my clothes and wipe the two tears that haved rolled down my cheeks. I hear my moms voice. 'Riley?' She aks. 'Yes, i'm here to see Ruby.' His voice is soft. 'Of course, i think your dad called if i'm not mistaken?' She asks. 'Yes, i didn't know if you agreed.' He replies. Agreed with what? What are they talking about. 'Yes, i did actually i'd do anything to make her feel a little bit better and it seems that you are that one little thing.' My moms explains. 'Thank you, she makes me feel the same way.' He answers. Suddenly the conversation stops and i hear someone coming up the stairs. Someone knocks on my door. 'Ruby?' His voice whisperes. 'Come in.' I say quietly. His face appears and so does a backpack that he is holding. 'What's that?' I ask. 'My dad and your mom agreed that i could stay over.' He says. 'Doesn't my opinion matter anymore?' I say i quite pissed now how can they just decide for me. 'Yeah i'm sorry i just thought i could use some support. 'What if i want to be alone.' I say and decide to sit on the floor. 'How are you.' He aks without even mindig what i said before. 'Fine.' I lie. He sits on the floor as well puts his backpack a side and grabs a hold of my hand. 'How are you really?' He asks again. 'I am fine.' I repeat. 'Don't lie.' He says calm. 'I feel like crap are you satisfied now?' I snap at him 'No, ofcourse i'm not but don't say you're okay if you're not.' He says i don't understand how he can be so patient with me. 'I'm sorry, i just don't feel like talking.' I say staring in front of me. He moves closer to me and puts his arm around me. 'And that's okay.' He whisperes I lay my head in his neck and close eyes just by his touch it makes me feel like time is frozen and all my problems fade away.

We sit in silence i wish it could stay like this forever. I hear Riley's steady breathing and look up at him and he gives me a faint smile, he's my safe place to land a place where i don't feel lost, i hold on tight onto him. He places a kiss on my head. 'Don't be scared.' He says. 'Don't ruin the perfect silence.' I answer. 'We will have to break it sometime.' He whisperes. 'Not if it was up to me.' I reply. 'What time is it?' He asks. 'Late.' I answer. 'What is late?' He chuckles. 'Just late around bedtime, i don't know.' I answer shortly. He rubs my back and plants a kiss on my forehead. 'You'll be alright darling.' He says. 'As long as you're here i will be.' I answer. He smiles back at me there's a little twinkle in his eyes. 'I'm going to change in the bathroom where...' He's wants to say but i interrupt. 'Second door on your left.' I reply with something that looks like a smile. I get up try to get myself to change aswell, i put on my black tank top, pajama pants and put my hair up in a ponytail. Riley knocks on the door he smiles as he sees me. 'You look adorable.' He says with a huge grin. 'Thank you.' I mumble. 'So, do you have some sort of air mattress?' He asks a little shy. 'Yes, we do but since you decide for me that you'd stay over here, i decided that you will sleep in bed with me.' I say his eyes widen at my explanation.'It's not a big deal.' I say. 'But your parent won't they have wrong thoughts.' He replies. 'I think it's quite obvious that i wouldn't be in the mood for doing that.' I say and roll my eyes. 

I lie down on my bed and make myself comfortable, Riley joins me carefully lies himself down and puts his arm around me. I lay my head down onto his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I've been acting like a bitch, because i feel like my soul died ever since i came back from my check up at the hospital. I put my arm around him and practically squeeze him. 'Ruby, make sure i can still breath.' He says. 'I'm sorry.' I reply. 'It's fine.' He answers. 'No, not about that well yes that too.' I say. 'About what?' He asks. 'I've been acting bitchy towards you, just because i feel bad for myself don't take it personal.' I say.' I don't.' He says calm. 'I would understand if your mad at me.' I reply. 'I'm not?' I aks surprised. 'Because i love you.' He says quietly and i smile. I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep. 

I see Riley across the street standing there looking peaceful, calm and happy as he is. I smile at him he notices me and smile brightly at me, he wants to come to me but his face suddenly changes to painful expression he starts yelling i want to run to him but i can't. Arms they're holding me back, he's suffering i start kicking and yelling trying to break free from these arms that are keeping me from going to him. He's still yelling it's loud so loud so painful it is heartbreaking i kick but i can't seem to get unravel myself from these arms i start to yell his name. He looks at me crying his eyes are red and puffy. 'Why Ruby? Why did you leave me behind.' His voice breaks he bursts out in tears i feel the lump in my throat. 'I didn't, i'm here!' I scream. He shakes his head. 'No you're not you left me like my mom!' He blames me. 'No!' I scream back, He drops on the floor. Everything starts to get blurry the pain in my chest is unbearable, my vision turns to black. I see my mom, dad, Riley, my family members fade away one by one the last one standing is Riley i try to run to him and grab him but i can't. 'You left, i will never forgive you promised you fucking promised!' He yell, my heart breaks i burst down in tears screaming for him to forgive me but he dissapears. Pitch black is all i see, my eyes hurt a light turns on and Riley looks worried not angry not sad extremely worried. I cry even harder that pain in his voice it sounded so real. 'I'm so sorry i didn't mean to hurt you.' I say sobbing. 'What? Why are you crying?' He asks confused and concerned. 'I had a nightmare.' I try to say but i can't speak properly because i'm crying so hard. 'I'm sorry Riley.' I whisper. 'He lays my head down on his chest. 'Tell me.' He says quietly. I explain him how he suffered, how i tried to get to him and i couldn't, how he told me that i left him behind just like his mom, how i begged him for forgiveness, how he dissapeard. 'I wouldn't ever blame you like that because it's not your fault you can't do anything about it but fight it.' He says. 'Everything's okay.' He kisses me softly. 'If we have to we will fight together, but i will never blame you.' He whisperes. 'I love you.' I whisper back. 'Try to sleep sweetheart.' He says quietly.