It was in an instant, so fast that I didn't know what was happening until it was too late. My entire world fell apart in only a few seconds; and it was my fault.
Nothing mattered anymore, my happiness was gone and I couldn't think of a single reaso...
"Where to next?" The Doctor asked me, running around the console like he always did.
"Home, the rooftop." I answered. His face dropped and he looked over at me.
"Astrid, are you sure?" I nodded and he sighed before resuming his piloting.
I knew he'd been trying really hard for me to realize what I'd be missing out on, why I shouldn't want to die. But honestly, I didn't think anyone could change my mind, I just hated life. I knew that there were things I wouldn't see, I knew I would miss out on some things that might make me happy for a little bit, but nothing could fix what happened and I could never forget about it. I especially could never forgive myself for what had happened, seeing as it was completely my fault.
The shaking of the TARDIS stopped and I stood up. He came over to me and looked in my eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked again. I nodded and he frowned a little before walking over to the doors.
"Bless you!" He said after I sneezed randomly. "Wait, you're sick, you can't leave! I have to fix you!" He said with an excited tone to his voice.
"Why does it matter if I'm sick if I'm just going to die anyway?" I asked. He wasn't making any sense but I just went with it to humor him.
He rushed me into a room that looked like a check-up room in a clinic. He sat me in an examination chair and started checking me to see how 'sick' I was.
"Astrid, you actually are sick. You have a fever of 102° (Fahrenheit). Other than that are you feeling okay?" He asked me, concern clear in his voice. I shrugged.
"I mean I'm kinda cold but that's because of the fever." I replied. He nodded slightly and stared at the floor for a few minutes.
"I prescribe you to stay in bed until you feel better. I'll show you to your room and that's where you can stay." I rolled my eyes but went with it. If it pleased him than why not?
He walked me down the halls and we finally came to my room, the periwinkle one I was in before. He had me lay down and told me to rest. "Doctor, I'm fine, just bring me home." He turned around and looked at me.
"No, you are sick and I want you to feel better. Now, get some rest and I'll check on you in a little bit." He said before closing my bedroom door and leaving me alone.
I stared at the door for a few minutes before realizing I actually was tired. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in only a few seconds.
The wind blew my hair all over my face, getting some in my mouth. I looked down at the sidewalk below me, contemplating what to do. I heard footsteps behind me and turned around, the Doctor was standing right behind me.
"I know what you did." He snarled, walking closer to me. "I saw it happen. You threw that doll in the road on purpose, you saw the car and took your chance. You killed an innocent man!" He yelled, spitting on my face.
"I didn't mean to, I swear, it was an accident!" I cried. Tears dropped down my face and onto the pavement below me.
He scoffed "Sure you didn't, just like I didn't mean to do this." He said, putting his hand in my shoulders and pushing.
I was falling, and screaming might I add. It felt like ages that I had been falling. It seemed like it was all in slow motion, like the world wanted me to be scared and feel pain for as long as possible. I was screaming and crying the whole time, not because I didn't want to die, but because I didn't want other people to think I should die. It hurt that the Doctor believed I should be killed, because he thought I deserved it. And I did deserve it.
The ground was really close now, I could see it clearly and I knew I only had seconds to live. "I'M SORRY!" I yelled before hitting the ground and everything going black.
"Sshhh, it's okay, Astrid." I heard someone say as I jolted awake. Tears were falling down my face and my throat hurt from screaming. I looked up to see the Doctor holding me and staring at me.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"For what?" He asked, moving some hair from my face.
"Everything. Killing Tobias, being in your way, screaming and making you come in here. I'm a mess and I'm sorry." I answered. He smiled sympathetically.
"None of this is your fault. Please don't blame yourself, it was never your fault." He replied, wiping a tear off my cheek.
"But it is." Another wave of crying hit me like a ton of bricks. He just rocked me, stroking my hair.
"No, it really isn't."
"How would you know?" I asked. He sighed before replying.
"Because I was there." I just stared at him, confusion flooding through my head. Then it clicked, he was one of the people who crowded around me, apologizing or hugging me or something like that. He saw it all happen, he knew what happened before I even told him on the rooftop.
"Wait, were you following me?" I asked. He stuttered a little, looking away from me.
"Well, I mean, um, you could say that, I mean not exactly, but, well, uhm, yeah." He said, scratching the back of his head. I knew he was a murderer.
"Whatever, just bring me back. I want to leave now." He sighed and nodded, getting off my bed. He walked over to the door and left me, closing the door behind him.
I stood up, nearly falling over. But got my balance back after supporting myself on my bed for a few seconds.
I put my hair up into a messy bun, grabbed my jacket, and left my room.
~
The Doctor landed the TARDIS and let me go outside first. I opened the door and jumped back, almost being hit with a laser.
"Um, Doctor? I think you might want to see this." I said. I turned around to see that he was frowning, looking over my shoulder.
"Well this isn't good."
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