I Will Never Forget Him

Forgive And Forget?

After that day, I began to question myself. "Does everyone hate me?" "Am I really a bad person?" I had never taken into account somebody else's feelings. I had only cared about myself because that's how my bully's had been. But I wasn't going to dwell.

Soon the end of fifth grade year had approached and I was trying to make those amends I'd promised to make. Yes, I had him to apologize to, but I thought I'd start out small. I tried saying sorry to those I had bullied, so them and I could leave off on a good note. Since my birthday was in July, I figured it would be nice to invite everyone I was mean to. I also added my heartthrob to the party list. He and everyone else had taken the invitations but now looking back, I shouldn't have had high hopes. They seemed so eager to come but it must've just been a game to them.

So I waited and waited and waited for July to come around. Seventeen people were invited to my party. Seventeen people who I believed actually wanted to bury the hatchet and be my friend. But only four showed up and those four were already my friends. 

He never showed up. Today I still have a laugh over it because he lived right down the street. At the time though, I could've cared less; he wasn't a big concern of mine. So for the people that did show up, we all had a good time but when it was over and everyone was gone, I felt oddly empty. It was a feeling I had never felt before and I hated it. I wanted, no, needed to figure out what it was but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

     "Oh well, I'll figure it out later."  I had said to myself and damn, when I found it, it hit me like raging storm.