I Will Never Forget Him

What Happens Next?

It was 2013. September, October, November. Those were the months that passed as I tried to figure out how to end this. I was a sophomore. I'd gotten a little older, a little smarter. I hadn't gotten any wiser.

I would still see him and it was torturous. When my mother dropped my friends and I off at school, sometimes his guardian's car would  pull up  behind ours. I got to see him. Sometimes when he didn't get dropped off behind me, I'd see him at his locker. I'd see him go to his classes. I'd see him smile and laugh. I'd see him live his life without me in it.

As I use to watch on in agony, that pathetic lump of muscle in my chest broke a little more. But I did't understand how it could've broke if there was barely anything there. It's not just that fact that he looked happy that broke me,though.

He still looked. At me. It was a glance, sometimes a quick stare but it was there. When he looked, a part of me wanted to grab him by his shoulders, push him up against a wall and yell, 'Just tell me already! Stop making me try to guess!' But the part of me that use to win was the part telling me I was nothing. He was a teenage boy. He had no idea what love was.

I saw the half naked women he had on his Instagram page. I wasn't skinny like that, and still ain't. I wouldn't have been able to give him what I knew he wanted. The only time he might've ever consider saying anything to me was if I lost a hundred pounds. When my waist would be able to have hands wrap around it, that would've been the only way I could've called him mine.

I had know it would never happen so me and my pathetic heart waited for him on that sidewalk. We watched as he passed by. My heart always tried to run after him. As it ran, it would say 'Wait for me! I'm the one you want! I love you! Please, please come back!' but he ignored it. He walked to that silver Mercedes, opened the door and then looked. It was quick, only a few seconds, as always. But what he didn't know was that those few seconds killed me.

Then my heart came limping back. 'I'm sorry,' It would say. 'I wasn't fast enough. I'll try harder next time, I promise.'

"It's OK." I would say under my breath. Then the two of us would watch as the car pulled away. Through the parking lot and out of sight. It reminded me of a shooting star. Every time it drove away, I'd make a wish and when that wish was done, I'd see him look back out his window. At me.

"You're losing me." I'd think to myself. I didn't know why he looked, I wish I had though. Was it because of the letter? Did I not make the message clear enough? Was I suppose to go to him directly?

I use wish that you would read this. I wanted to know what went on in your mind. I just wanted you to tell me you loved me or that you hated me and you wished you had never known me. Either way, I would've moved on. I wouldn't have lived in the misery that surrounded me for so long.