I Will Never Forget Him

Maturity Is A Curse

Due to the trashed friendship, I'll keep her name private. You're all just gonna know her as D.

Well I met D in the seventh grade but we kinda never got along. Let's put it like this; she beat the crap out of me. Towards the end of seventh grade though, I told her to knock the shit off, I was sick of it, and she respected me for that. She stopped but we didn't become friends till eighth grade, in science class.

I'd sat next to this really stupid girl and I don't know how it came about but D switched seats with her. At first, it was just the casual hello and small talk and, I don't know how, but we started opening up to each other. I told her about the guys I liked and she told me about how she really didn't like people. No shit. Throughout that year, we had so many insiders. One of them was that she would  bring in juice or water and we'd say it was Vodka and she would act all drunk all class. You had to be there to realize the true humor. 

One really big thing we talked about was the heart-breaker. It's not like I could avoid the subject, the moron sat right in front of us in science. I told her about R too but we really didn't dwell on him. She, in the course of our friendship, came up with the names Jack and Rico Suave. I have no clue why, so don't ask. 

Eighth grade was really hard for me. I had D to help me through it with jokes and laughs but that was the year I saw Jack a lot; might as well give him a name. We had Science, Social Studies, Gym, and Portuguese together and if you thought that was bad, why, you haven't heard the best part. I had him AND Rico in Portuguese. God obviously didn't like me back then, probably because I didn't go to church every Sunday. But this year, though, is where my mile stone with Jack came. Throughout the year, I obsessed over Jack more than Rico. Those goddamn butterflies came back and that stupid blush in my cheek when ever I saw him.

One day, towards the end of the year, probably April, we had a bullying assembly and it got me thinking. That same day, in my science class, we talked about the assembly and I just had the urge to say sorry to those I hurt. I said sorry to a kid named Adam who I picked on, D- who actually never deserved one- and him, Jack. But there was him and another kid with the same name in the class, so to this day I don't know if he knew it was meant for him. Well, at the end of it all, I had my teacher in tears but I was only looking at one person, him. I watched as he didn't even acknowledge me, he just stared straight ahead. It crushed me.

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On the last day of school, I wrote Jack a letter. The letter talked about how I was sorry for picking on him about his green braces in elementary school and that I missed being his friend and hoped that we could hang out again one day. Which, now that I think about it, made me look like a crazy freak who remembered weird, minuet details. I gave the letter to D, she gave it to him and I watched him read it. Now me, being too embarrassed to look up, continued to play cards with my friends. Yes, cards; we were playing poker. I glanced nonchalantly in his direction and each time I caught him staring directly at me. It was the first time in awhile that he looked at me and actually saw me, not just the air around me.

He hasn't spoken to me after the letter. He only asked to borrow a chess piece in Portuguese on the last day of school that year. I thought it was because he truly didn't like me at all. But my good friend D always told me that he liked me. Even in high school, she never let me hear the end of it. I did believe her when she told me why he hadn't approached me yet.

On the day that I gave him the letter, a lot of things went wrong that I hadn't realized till she brought it up.

Mistake #1 I had D deliver the letter.

Mistake #2 Her and my friend Kayla were laughing when he looked at my lunch table

Mistake #3 I acted as if nothing happened. (Biggest mistake.)

When I'd made this realization, it had filled my head with a bunch of 'what if's and it drove me absolutely insane. But the 'what if's' only got worse in high school. Up next: the pros and cons of my freshman year of high school. Honestly though, that had to be the year where I actually had time to breath and take some time off of guys, but we all know that doesn't last forever.