I Will Never Forget Him

His Plague On My Life Begins

When seventh grade came knocking at my door, I was more than willing to go back to school. That is, until I found out I would be moving houses. But that wasn't what got me down, it was the fact that I would have to take the bus that year and see him. Every. Damn. Day.

Since House C had been shut down, there were only two places to go; House A and House B. The school, being the assholes they were, didn't let us choose. So there I was, my seventh grade year, face to face with him. Like literally, we had the same math class and we had the same bus stop.

Everyday I saw him and everyday I fell more and more in love. I don't know why, but I just couldn't stop myself. Yet, tragically, we never spoke to each other, not once. At this time in my life, all I thought about was me and him having a life together as boyfriend and girlfriend. No matter how much I'd been hurt by him before, the idea of us together still got my heart pumping.

Naturally, like the nut I was, I searched for any signs, any evidence, that he possibly liked me. Any sort of glance or eye contact we made would be stored in my brain as proof.

At this point in the story, I'd like to present you all with a diary entry. At the time, diaries seemed like a good idea, and although I didn't write often, I got the juicy details down. Though embarrassing, these are the exact words I wrote when I was 12. 

Diary Entry #1

"September 24, 2010    9:07pm

     Dear Diary,

           I really have proof that he likes me. He always looks at me. I can't get him off my mind but my mom says all we can do is talk when and if we get together. But since we live on the same street we can go to the park and just walk and talk. All I wish is that me and him get together because I think I'm starting to fall for him. Also his eye's their so beautiful it's just he's so cute but it was like we were meant to be together.

                                                                                   Love,

                                                                                        Jessica

Every time I read that, I slap myself in the face. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. My  hormones must have been on a war path and I sure as hell had terrible grammar. But  I didn't know any better. I thought that in time, he would want to be with me but that wasn't the case at all. 

At this point, he had dug a deep hole into my heart and even though it was empty, I pretended that it was full. I convinced myself that he did have feelings for me, that he secretly loved me the way I loved him. But when Christmas came around, I didn't get a candy cane from him and when Valentine's Day came, there was no carnation with his name on it.

By April of that year I'd let my hopes die. Whatever I wanted to have with him, it was never going to happen but I never truly believed that. I just said it aloud to try and forget him but, of course, that never happened.  I was still in love with him but I had picked up a distraction, a boy that I really thought liked me a lot. And here ladies and gentlemen is where my one-sided  love triangle comes into play and, man, does it suck.