Reunited: A Bensler/SVU fanfic

Chapter 2

 I stood up from my desk on shaky legs, placed the phone back onto the receiver and walked as calmly as I possibly could to the ladies room. As soon as I entered a stall I fell to my knees and vomited up my breakfast.

What should have been running through my mind was what kind of fucking psychopath am I dealing with here? But all I could think was am I strong enough to see Elliot again? The thought of him made me dry heave and I knew I wouldn't be able to be around him without my heartbreaking. It hurt me too much the first time he left.

Elliot and I hadn't kept in touch, but not due to the fact that I didn't try because I did. To the point where it was almost pathetic. But now I didn't even know where he was, what he was doing now.

His smiling face flashed into my brain and I felt my stomach tighten, before I had time to try to stop it I was vomiting again. The muscles in my stomach were beginning to hurt as I continued dry heaving. I heard the door open and someone walked in. I tried my best to stop the remainder of my breakfast from coming up but I didn't succeed.

"Cap, you okay?" asked Rollins.

"Yeah, Amanda, I'll be out in a minute," I told her, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Okay," she said and I heard her walk back out the door as I continued to throw up all the contents in my stomach. My eyes watered and my nose burned. I finally stood up and collected myself. I walked to the sink and splashed cold water on my face and once again before I knew it was happening I threw up right in the sink. I washed it down and dried my face, took a deep breath and exited the bathroom.

I walked toward the bullpen, getting some strange looks. It was obvious everyone knew something had gone on. I gathered up the squad and told them the facts. Someone had called me, on my extension, so either he knew that or someone put him through to me, and demanded to talk to Elliot or he was going to kill again.

I had my best tech guy trying to determine where the call originated from. At this point we had nine hours and forty five minutes before this man called back to talk to Elliot. I needed to find him, even if I didn't want to. I sent everyone to work this case and get me Elliot's address. Fin walked up to me and I could tell he was concerned. He placed his around around me and a tear fell from my left eye onto his shirt.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," I told him truthfully.

"Amanda said she heard you throwing up. Was it because of the call?"

"Yes," I tell him, not looking him in the eye so he can't tell I'm lying to him.

"We're gonna get this bastard, Olivia," Fin tells me.

"I know," I say, emotionlessly. I just feel numb and all I can think about is Elliot. Which worries me, because my thoughts need to be on the crazy ass doing this, not my old partner. But my mind still wanders to Elliot.

Will he look older? Will the way he says my name still turn me on? Will it be like it used to be? Will it be awkward? Will he look at me with lustful eyes like he did before he left me? Will the tension build up like it used to? Will it be hard to not push him against the wall and press my lips to his? Will we actually do something about it this time? Does he miss me? Will he even talk to me when I find him? Will I even find him?

"Liv? Earth to Olivia Benson!" Fin practically screamed at me, waving his hand in front of my face and I snapped back into reality.

"Yes, sorry, what?" I asked.

"We found Elliot's address. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I need to do this alone," I answer, my voice shaky, my hand sweaty.

He writes the address on a yellow sticky note in black writing and I have to focus on him doing this so I don't pass out. Upstate. No surprise there. My head is groggy, my vision is starting to go black.

Goddammit, Liv. Now is not the fucking time for a panic attack! I scream at myself in my head.

"Do you have any water?" I ask Fin. He walks to his desk and grabs a Yeti water bottle and I down its contents, immediately feeling slightly better. "While I'm gone, you're in charge, Fin. Follow any leads and good luck," I tell my first hand man.

I walk back into my office, close the door, sit on the couch and put my head between my knees while I try to convince myself that I can do this. I am Olivia fucking Benson. I can bring any man to his goddamn knees. I repeat that three times and get on my feet. I grab my coat, my cell phone, the sticky note, and head towards the elevator.

The chill air of October hits me hard as I exit the doors of the precinct and walk to my squad car. I rest my head on the window of my car before I unlock it and get inside. I really hope I can do this, I think to myself. I take a deep breath as I turn the key in my car and it roars to life. I take a drink of my water bottle and put the cruiser into gear. I take off in the direction of his new house and only have my thoughts to accompany me for this hour long ride.

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~Dr.MH