She Follows the Birds to Freedom

Lofty Words and a Beautiful Girl

I do not using lofty words,
I do not like sounding wise.
It is not an accurate representation
of what lies inside.
And I feel like I'm deceiving you,
from seeing what's really there,
That I don't know a thing about anything,
And sometimes I don't care about people
or who they are and
I'm mean and selfish and not on par
with what people expect me to be all the time, in fact most days I feel
like I'm made of mistakes.
But that isn't the right word, it's too tame
for the thickness of the sin that
runs in my veins,
for they are no longer mistakes anymore,
it just sounds better that way,
less unstable, more sure
and more acceptable in the world out there. Cause mistakes aren't serious,
you can show off with flair
the things you aren't proud of
and laugh it off lightly,
but my mistakes are demons
that keep me up nightly.
And to be honest, and I truly do mean that, I like my mistakes sometimes because it give me something to write about.
That is a horrible thing, attention seeking and reeking of pride and greed and dust,
And it's why I hate the truth so much.
But I don't want to,
I want to want to love it a lot,
the truth is the key to cage I am in,
ready to open it when I say when.
But before I can be free I have a lot to do, because those demons and voices
want me to lose and stay
forever with them in hell,
and most days I can't even tell
where the door is.
And I'm tired of being accoladed
and called beautiful,
people who can't see the inside
should never judge, they say,
well it goes both ways.
Pretty people can be really ugly
even if they seem nice.
And I don't feel nice.
I feel like I have problems that I can't solve
and then they multiply and carve
their little knives in the chinks in my armor where I thought I was safe.
I'm riddled with holes and and scars
and fake smiles.
And they think I'm beautiful
because of my words
and smile covered screams
and laugher and dreams.
But I'm not.
I am so not, and I wish I could
let them see that.
But I'm scared of the truth
just like anyone else.
So I do my best to write the truth as I know it. My step in the right direction away from lofty words and this "beautiful" girl.
SK

A/N: sometimes honesty feels really good, especially when it's not pretty.