Brokenhearted

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Caitlyn's POV

              We were having our dinner quite peacefully when Nathan suddenly dragged his chair against the tiles and trodded upstairs. I felt really bad for screaming at him just now but on the other hand, I felt that he truly deserved it. No amount of yelling or hitting him will make up for the mental anguish that I had to go through during high school.

             Okay, I admit that I did like him for a period of time when I first saw him after Beth first introduced me to him as her cousin. Well, I'm a HUGE fan of The Wanted and I did have a MASSIVE crush on Nathan too, but my feelings grew stronger for him when I realized that he was actually in the same class as me two years ago.

              However, all my hopes were dashed in an instant when he started bullying me. He was in the most popular group together with his gang members, Ashkay, Joshua and Mike. They were really mean and horrible. They often beat me up and shoved me into lockers, always leaving me in deep cuts and bruises.

              What pained me most was that Nathan was the leader of the gang, and he hurt me mentally. He always called me a 'bitch', 'whore', 'slut' and 'fat' which made me feel lesser than him. His words made me feel so inferior compared to the other girls who were tall and slim, and most importantly, they could lead normal lives without having to face torture by four ruthless guys every day.

              I'm trying really hard to put the past behind me. People say forgive and forget, but they don't truly understand the meaning of that phrase unless they have gone through the same thing as me.

              Actually, I still have a tiny crush on Nathan but I know that glimpse of hope will be trampled by him one day. I know that there's no way we actually can be together; and I'm trying my best to forget him. I still can't totally forgive him for all the hurt that he has inflicted upon me.

              I get very emotional whenever I think of this sensitive topic and I will cry, just like now. I realize that I'm actually crying, again. Crying helps me to take away all my troubles so I'm used to crying whenever another day of bullying passes. I used to be a very positive person, but ever since my traumatic experience with bullies, especially the one that I actually trusted, I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone again, other than Megan and Beth who have been my closest friends for many years. Fat drops of bitter tears trickled down my face as I think of how my flawless idol turned out to be a devil in disguise.

             Just then, I saw paper plane drifting into my room from the window. I managed to catch the piece of folded paper. Luckily I had long arms so the paper wouldn't fly away. I opened it up and read it.

               "Erm hi Cait. I don't know if you would actually read this but if you are, I hope that you will continue reading it till the end, because I really have so much to say to you. Call me a coward, but I just can't bring myself to talk to you face-to-face. I know that my way of apologizing to you may not seem sincere to you, but I swear that these words are from the bottom of my heart. Nothing I say will make up for the amount of pain and anguish that I put you through all these years, and I really don't deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted to say that I really regret doing all those horrible stuff to you and making you feel lesser than me. The reason why I did that is because I like you, Cait. This may seem like total crap to you but it's true, really. I bullied you because I thought that it was the only way to get you out of my mind by convincing myself that you're not good enough for me. But I was wrong. Every time I bullied you, my heart ached really badly to see you suffer in silence. However, I was a selfish scumbag. I only used you for my own benefits to get popular. I know that you'll hate me for the rest of your life but I don't blame you for this. I don't expect your forgiveness because I know that this is my fault, my mistake. I'm willing to be hated for the rest of my life because I deserve it. I just want to tell you how I feel all these years and I really didn't mean to cause you so much pain.

Nathan

              Did he really mean what he said in the letter? Were those words just a bunch of crap or was it really from the bottom of his heart? I didn't want to think anymore. I don't know how to trust him again. I chucked the piece of paper into the bin and decided to sleep off all my troubles.