My Dunya (NEEDS EDITING)

Chapter 27- The End

CHAPTER 27

"Remember it, cherish it, and live for it." I saw Teta mouthing the shahada, declaration of faith, which was (I bear witness that there is no God but Allah, and that Muhammad is his messenger) before she fell asleep like she has done every day of her life. Thinking back to my younger childhood, she always told me that the only certain thing we have in this life is uncertainty. We have no guarantee of anything, not even the privilege of waking up the next day.

"Remember it, cherish it, and live for it." Those were Teta's last spoken words before she fell asleep. Those were Teta's last words before she fell asleep and never woke up again.

I woke up in the morning holding her hand. Confusion wrapped around my brain as I, still not very conscious, was perplexed as to why Teta's hand was so cold. I looked up, blinked several times, and then realization struck me like a freight truck on the highway. I sprung out of my seat and ran to place my hand on her pale, yet soft wrinkly face. It was cold to the touch. Unable to breathe, I put my head onto her chest, and hearing no response, I began screaming.

The nurse immediately ran into the room upon my shrieks, and my mom woke up startled. I looked at her and she stared at me with wide eyes, when I fought the croak in my throat to say, "she's gone."

The janaza, funeral prayer, was that evening after sunset. It was a Friday, the holy day of the week. "She left on a blessed day," Sumaya said, holding a tissue in one hand and Adam's hand, reassuringly in the other. We both were wearing tinted sunglasses to mask the horrible redness and inflation our eyes had to bear from the never ending tears that continued to pour. I began feeling hives erupting underneath my eyes, and my eyelids had swollen to twice their normal size. None of that mattered, however, because I couldn't understand the circumstance of the situation and my mind couldn't wrap around what had happened ten hours before.

We headed to the mosque, making du'aas, verbal prayers, on her soul, prayer for God to forgive her of her sins in this lifetime and to send her directly to heaven, and to ease her pain in the grave. Just the thought of it would send me into a spiral of emotional tears. Adam would see my sporadic breakdowns and would erupt into tears himself.

As the days went by, people flooded into our house to grieve the loss of our angel. Cameron was situated with us, and refused to leave, only at night when his mom called him over to sleep, embarrassed by him constantly residing with us. She insisted he give us time to mourn but my mother shut her off, telling her he was now part of the family.

It was on the tenth day of her passing, that I was brought an overwhelming surprise.

I had just woken up from a very short and unsatisfying sleep. Since the day her physical body left the world, I would sleep and wake up thinking it was a nightmare, not being able to register the harsh reality until I was forced to. Waking up in the mornings were the hardest. Not only was I devastated every morning to not have her by my side, but I was constantly brought back to that treacherous morning as I relived it in my memory.

I changed into a loose jumpsuit prayed fajr, staying in the state of sujood, prostration to God, for the longest time, making Teta du'aas, and prayed an extra prayer on behalf of her soul. I went to brush my teeth and stared at my lifeless reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I couldn't recognize myself at all. My mom called me from downstairs and I quickly went over, to see Casey, Adam, Sumaya and my mom drinking coffee and eating scrambled eggs with bread.

"Are you planning on joining us?" My mom said abruptly, and then turned away, ashamed, as she heard the tone of her voice. Adam's head bobbed in sadness, not sure what to make of the situation. My mom, unlike Adam and I, takes to grieving through anger, not sadness, and I can safely say it has had a toll on all of us.