My Dunya (NEEDS EDITING)

Chapter 19- When Emotion Becomes Commotion

And I'm worried that one day you'll realize you can do so much better. -Anonymous

CHAPTER 19

 UNEDITED

I couldn't fall asleep that night. Not because I forced myself to sleep on a futon mattress on the floor of Teta's room so Adam and Sumaya could sleep in my room. No, it was because I couldn't stop thinking of the day before. I kept tossing and turning, having doubts and wonders; as to whether or not giving Ibby a chance would have brought me closer somehow to my dad. Ibby was like a symbolism of my childhood, a symbol of my life before it completely crashed. He reminded me of my past and my dad, and those two things I could never get back. But if I were with him, would it bring a part of me back? As I groaned out of frustration and dismay, I grabbed hold of a clump of curly brown hair between my fingers and pulled on each side of my head, stretching out an arms length. My body was jittering so much, it was almost as if I had just drunken a Red Bull, and I felt that my heart was beating so fast that it would lead to a quick heart attack. My anxiety was on full blast and I tried everything I could to repress it. Mind you, the futon was not half bad in regards to comfort.

I flung the blanket off my body and stretched out, hoping to induce some miraculous melatonin to help me sleep. "Dunya," I heard Teta mumble from the bed top.

"Mmm hmm?" I rolled over on back and crossed one leg over the other, looking up at the ceiling that was filled with glow in the dark stars. After Adam moved out, Teta took over his room, and I just now realized that he's had the same glow in the dark stars since he was seven. I wonder if he misses them? Maybe I should wrap them up and give them to him as a gift so he can take them with him to his new place, I thought.

"Stop overthinking," she grumbled.

"But Teta, you don't-"

"Yes Dunya, I do understand. Just because your mom is always at work and your dad is um, not here- doesn't mean that you have to go through everything alone. I'm here Dunya, and despite what you might think, I do understand."

I sighed and nodded even though she couldn't see me. "I know Teta, you're one of the very, very few that DO understand. It's just-"

"No Dunya, let me tell you something. If you don't feel one hundred percent certain about doing something, then don't do it. You'll eventually regret it," she sighed and I could feel her shift in her spot.

"Yeah, I guess you're right Teta, thanks." After Teta's reassuring words, I was feeling more at ease and ready to go to sleep, but I just didn't feel up to it. "Hey, Teta, what time is it?" I squinted peering through a crack in the curtain. The sun hit my eye and I groaned.

"Eight thirty," she grumbled. At first, I was curious as to why Teta was so fatigue this morning seeing as she never wakes up this late. She's always the one in the house up at 6 AM and brewing a cup of coffee. I let out a wide yawn and shut it quickly, scrambling up in panic.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's eight thirty! I'm late Teta, school starts now!" I ran to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, made wudu' and prayed, furious that my alarm didn't go off for Fajr (morning) prayer. I quickly threw on a long jean skirt, a plain white long sleeves t-shirt, and a thick brown wool cardigan, with a matching hijab. I pinched my cheeks to get blood circulating there to add some colour and bit my lips slightly to add a red tint to them. Whoever said you need makeup? I grabbed my wallet, stuffed it into my backpack and raced downstairs.

By the time I was at school, it was already eight fifty-five, and I literally ran to my class and poised my self a little before entering my marketing class panting. All eyes turned to me in confusion and Mr. Meyer simply glanced at me from above his spectacles are pointed to my desk. My pace quickened and as I tossed my bag to the floor, I sat down next to Casey and heaved a sigh of relief.