ghosts and cigarettes ; frerard

sometimes i see flames

"so," gerard's face was blank when frank finally picked up the video call. "homeless, huh?"

frank clenched his jaw and looked down, staying silent. he put the phone down on the bed he was sitting cross-legged on and rubbed his hands over his face, exhaling. gerard observed all of this with a watchful gaze, slowly sucking on a cigarette.

"you coulda told me, y'know," gerard cocked his head to the side, looking at frank, who was now pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his middle finger, eyes closed. "like- i would be fine with that, y'know? and, honestly, i am fine with it, but like-" gerard paused to exhale some smoke into his basement bedroom. "you coulda told me yourself."

"i know, i know-" frank rubbed his hands over his face again, quicker this time, and picked up the phone again so more of his face was visible. "i was- i didn't want to tell you, not yet at least, because- i mean, gerard, i was scared! it's a part of my past that not only am i not proud of, but isn't exactly the best time of my life, y'know?"

gerard nodded slowly. his face was ghostly pale in the darkness of his bedroom, the light from the screen of his phone illuminating his skin with an eerie bluish tint. "i get that. but- we gotta trust each other, okay? you don't have to tell me about this now, but like. i don't know, i just want to know that you trust me, 'kay?"

frank breathed in deep and nodded, eyes closed. "yeah, okay, i-" he sighed, rubbing his eye with one hand. "i mean, i might as well tell you now, right?" gerard was silent. "okay, okay, so like- my mom was crazy. really, she was. after the miscarriage- oh yeah, i was supposed to have a baby brother, never told you that, did i?- she divorced my dad and went literally insane. like, superstitious sorta insane. i was like, what, sixteen? seventeen years old? somewhere in there. and she decides that, oh, yeah, my son is the devil! yes, totally! because that makes sense, right?"

frank sighed and furrowed his brow. "she- she didn't kick me out then, though, not really. she sorta- i mean? like, she just locked me in my room, basically, i guess. but then she learned that i was bisexual, and like that, i was out of the house. cliché, right?" he chuckled humorlessly, looking down at his fingers.

gerard hummed a bit around his cigarette. "you're okay now, though, right?"

"i mean, i guess," frank shrugged. "i was on the street for two years, gerard, two years, before brian found me. that's- i mean, it was a long time and i still get fucking flashbacks and shit from it. shit happens, when you live on the street. you get spit on, treated like shit, frisked for drugs all the time- i hated it, so much, like-" frank stopped and pressed a hand over his mouth, suddenly regretting letting gerard see the extent at which this affected him.

"oh," gerard removed the cigarette from inbetween his lips. "frank, if you ever need to talk..?"

"i know, i know, i trust you, i'll talk to you, but i'm fine, really. i'm fine." frank smiled weakly at gerard's face on the screen. "are you fine?"

looking at gerard closely, frank could see the dark circles of fatigue and worry around gerard's eyes, and marks where tears had dried and left streaky patterns on the skin of his face. gerard smiled humorlessly and put the cigarette back between his lips. frank cocked his head to the side. "any news on mikey?"

"no," gerard swallowed. "and i miss him a lot, y'know. like- i'm hoping he'll come back. i can't do jack shit without him here. i can't work- the shop is closed since he's the one that does the actual tattooing- i can't take care of myself, it's just- i miss him. i guess." gerard let his head lean back so it was against the wall, exposing his throat.

frank hummed. they sat in silence for a while, frank lighting up his own cigarette and moving to the window so he could smoke out into the city air. they smoked together, each in their own respective rooms, watching each other through the screen of their phone. frank had noticed that gerard had been smoking a lot more since they had learned the news- he had smoked at least seven cigarettes just that day, and it wasn't even six o'clock. it worried frank, it really did, seeing gerard wreck himself to try to cope with mikey's disappearance.

gerard frowned and made a sad noise when he had smoked his cigarette down to the filter and frank giggled a little at gerard's indignant face. frank opened his mouth to speak when he heard a faint voice coming from the gerard's side of the call. gerard reached a hand out of the frame and retrieved a phone, holding it to his ear.

"mhm?" gerard spoke cautiously into the phone. his face slowly turned blank as whoever was on the other line spoke, all emotion melting off and leaving a mask that was as blank and still as wax. he glanced at frank through the screen, who furrowed his brow questioningly, and pressed his finger to the screen.

video call ended with: gerard*:･ﾟ✧

--

hey hey hey here have a filler update

i'm trying to get this done so i can focus on pluviophile [which i'm rly excited to write !!!! aaa]

also i hate to be a bother but,, it would be rly nice if some of u could mayeb ?? comment on my thiscrush ??? maybe ?? sorR y

unedited !!

okAyOkAy okay ilysm !!!!

-xouri