Let's Live In A Castle (A Christian Novelli Fanfiction)

Chapter 5

This chapter is a little more emotional than the others. It could be triggering. I don't know who is reading this or what they have gone through but to be safe I'm just warning you.

Enjoy

-E

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"You are clearly not doing your job as a parent!" I heard a shout from the kitchen as I walked into my apartment.

"And like you did any better raising me. I must not have had a very good roll model," my mother snapped.

"I never let you spend days at some random boy's house!"

"You were barely around to watch me. Christian isn't a "random boy". Rosie has been dating him for months now. I've even met his mother, she is very nice and we have had family dinners with them. Besides, Rosie is 18, she really is an adult. I was sneaking out at age 15 and you never noticed." I gripped the strap of my backpack a little harder.

"That boy is 4 years older than her! What if she comes home pregnant?! You are just letting her be a little slut."

I heard a pot hit the bottom of the sink with a loud CLANG. I felt anger rise inside of me. I turned and hurried down the hall to my room; closing and locking the door behind me. I tore off my suffocating winter jacket and scarf. I threw my shoes into my closet where they hit the back wall. I paced around my bedroom. My stomach was churning and my head was pounding. I broke out in a sweat.

I was angry. Furious. My vision was red. That old witch caused so much pain the last time she was here, and now here she was: enjoying our house and food and getting to lounge around all day. She was too comfortable here. Who did she think she was?! Getting to just mouth off her opinion and not have to worry about consequences.

My skin on my wrist itched.

Even after I had killed the habit, the controlling, self-destructive voice had formed a little burrow in the depths of my brain. When things got really bad or stressful, it slunk out from hiding and whispered it's horrid words in my ears. It wanted pain, it wanted blood, it wanted the blade.

I'd thrown away all my blades. My razors were ones I couldn't take apart. I wanted recovery so I did everything I could in my favor.

I went to my desk, my eyes stinging. I grabbed out a stack of paper. I snatched a pen from the painted mason jar on my desk. In all capital letters, I wrote the word SLUT. I pressed hard into the paper, ink oozing from the felt tip of the pen. I grabbed the paper and crumpled it until the creased edges pressed into my palms. I did this to 4 more papers, squeezing the paper until it wouldn't go any smaller. I pushed all the papers into the trashcan and lied down on my bed, feeling exhausted.

I didn't want to text Christian. I'd just worry him too much. I thought about my few friends from school, Maggie, Jenna and Thomas. They were nice, and kept me company at lunch and the few classes we had together. They didn't understand though.

I sighed deeply and pulled a pillow over my face. The itch to cut had receded. But the voice wouldn't go away.

Christian will leave you, you're too young. He'll find someone better than you.

You are disgusting, sleeping in his bed and spending more time with him than your family.

You don't even have real friends to talk to.

I rolled over and pressed my hands over my ears.

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Dinner began normally, right on time at 6 o'clock. Harry visited a friend today and was talking on and on about the gaming video he and his friends recorded. "...and then Kyle threw himself off the building and was screaming like PewDiePie! It was freaking amazing..." Harry exclaimed, continueing his play by play of their game.