Captured

Chapter Twenty-Three

A/N: This chapter may be triggering for some people. If you're sensitive then you can skip this chapter. Just putting that out there

Rebecca's POV

Why is life so hard? Why is my life so hard? My life right now just sucks. Nicco hasn't been back yet, and right now I really need her. I need to talk to her. My anxiety is getting too bad. I'm having a bad panic attack. I can't breathe. I'm crying so hard. No one can hear me. Noah, Lissy, and Halle are at I don't even know where. They're just not here. With me. Why do I feel this way? Why do I have to feel this way? My panic attacks have never been this bad. I've never cried before while having them. I usually just sit there and not say a word. I just stare off into space and ignore the world around me. It's like no one exists while I'm having one. I don't want to be around anyone. But now...I just need someone. Before I do something stupid. Something that I'll regret. God, where are they? Where's Nicco? Where's Noah? I just need one of those two. They know what to do. They truly care to help me.

Lissy might. But what has she done to help me? Nothing at all. Neither has Halle. Then again, Halle doesn't know me that well. Really, Lissy doesn't either. It's been so long since we've seen each other. And we really haven't hung out that much here. So I can't blame her. Halle won't even talk to me. I've tried talking to her. But every time she doesn't answer. She just gives me short replies then she just ignores me. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks I stole Noah away from her. But really I didn't. They're still very close. Noah hangs out with her all the time. Yeah, Noah and I have been hanging out way more. But that doesn't mean Noah doesn't want to hang out with Halle. I just hope she knows that I'm not trying to steal Noah away from her.

"It's because you're not worth the time. The reason why Halle doesn't talk to you," the voice in my head says to me.

"What do you mean?" I ask it.

"I mean, you're not worth it. Everyone left you. You know why? They didn't want to be around you anymore. Look at you. You're worthless, lazy, stupid, fat. Who in the world would ever want to be friends with you?"

"Stop," I whisper.

"Why does Noah even like you?"

"Stop!" I yell, sobbing.

"No! You need to hear this. All of it. You're a disgrace to this world. Lissy was always your mom and dad's favorite. If you wanted attention from them then you had to work and beg for it. They didn't want to deal with an abomination like you."

By now I'm crying so hard that my vision is blurry. It's right. Everything the voice said is right. Why am I even here on Earth? Why was I born? I did so many bad things when I was younger. Went to a freaking mental institute for what? Trying to kill my own sister. My own twin. How stupid was I? I got out of there, though. That's the good thing, I guess. Sometimes I think that they should've kept me in there. When I turned thirteen I did more bad things. I smoked. A lot. Not all of it was cigarettes. But, you get what I mean.

"Shall I go on with the list?" the voice asked.

"No. I understand. Everything you said is true. And to answer your question, I don't know why Noah likes me."

"I'm just trying to figure it out. You're clingy, dumb, not worth while, not skinny enough."

"I know, I know. Basically I shouldn't even exist."

"Exactly."

I stopped talking to the voice inside my head and contemplated what it said. Everything it said was all true. I shouldn't be here. No one cares about me. I thought Nicco and Noah did, but I guess I was wrong.

I fall into darkness, where all my demons come out to play.