More Than A Friend

Chapter 2

It was around 9pm. You were lying on your stomach in bed, your head buried in your pillow. You had seen Justin around 2 hours ago. The same moment kept playing in your head like a broken record. It was on repeat. You kept seeing Clarissa kissing Justin in your car over and over and over again. It made you queasy and you couldn't help but be jealous.  You finally decided to roll over and sit up.  You reached for your phone on the nightstand next to your bed.  You opened up messages and quickly found your best friend Ava.  You sent her a message about how broken and melancholy you felt inside.  She was the only person you told about how you truly felt about Justin.  You knew her since the 8th grade and she was a very loyal friend.  You set your phone aside and started to think about that night when you kissed Justin again at his doorstep.  You felt so stupid.
Why did I do that?  Isn't the guy usually the one to kiss the girl first, and at her doorstep, not his?
But also I really meant what I did and he doesn't even realize it and-
Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of your phone buzzing.  You picked your phone up and read the message from Ava.

How else is he supposed to know that you feel this way?  Tell him.  Tell him what you told me.  About how you are hurt and how much you like him and you always have.  Tell him what you told me.  Just tell him how you feel.  Don't bottle it inside.  Even if he has a girlfriend, it wouldn't be any harm to let it out.  You've been holding it in all of high school *Y.N.*!

After reading that message, you still felt kind of on edge about the whole thing.  You were scared to let Justin know how you felt and expose yourself to him.  You didn't want to feel vulnerable.  Then, your phone buzzed again.  It was Ava texting you again.

Don't overthink it.  Just do it *Y.N.*
He is your other best friend so he should understand.  It's not like he is going to judge you.  He hasn't left you in 4 years and he isn't about to let you go now because of how you feel.  Just do it.

You thought for only about a second after that before texting Ava back.

Okay, I'll do it.

Good, you got this *Y.N.*
Lmk how it goes.

You took a deep breath. You were trying to contain the butterfly feeling in your stomach. You opened up FaceTime on your phone and saw Justin's name in recent calls. Just seeing his name on the screen made you feel like you needed to hurl.  You hesitated for a second before finally clicking on his name and letting it ring.  After only 2 rings, it stopped and you saw the word 'Connecting' at the top of your screen below Justin's name.  You quickly brushed some hair back out of your face and wiped your tears away.  Justin's face finally came into view.  You noticed he was in his room.
"Hey," Justin said with a bright smile.
"Hey," you said smiling back.  It was a real smile.  It was genuine.  The way he smiled at you made you smile.
"What's up?"
"Oh, um, just wanted to talk."
"Okay, 'bout what?" he asked.
"You... Clarissa... us..."
"Don't worry.  Just because she's here, doesn't mean we won't hang out as much."
"Oh no, Justin, that's not what I meant or wanted to talk abo-"
He cut you off before you could finish.
"Wait.  I have to tell you something.  Speaking of Clarissa,  she's moving here, into town!  She's going to live nearby me.  She's moving here because of college next month.  My parents just left to take her to her hotel into the meantime."
You felt a sinking feeling in your stomach.  The butterfly feeling died away.
"That's great..."
Justin smiled.  "So, what were you saying before?  What you wanted to talk about?"
"Oh it's um, it's... nothing..."  You frowned.  "Nothing important."
"You sure?  Why do you look all sad?" Justin said.  "You're not okay."
"No, I'm fine.  This was a mistake.  I'm sorry, bye."
"Wait I-"
But before he could finish what he was saying, you ended the call.  You stared at the screen for a moment before going back to the home screen, putting your phone on sleep mode, and setting it back on the nightstand.  You didn't tell Ava anything.  You weren't ready to.  You couldn't even finish the call.  You felt sick and sad with all your feelings after Justin said Clarissa was moving into town.  You lied down flat on your back.  Your phone began to buzz.  You sat up and looked at your phone.  Justin was FaceTime calling you.  You didn't accept it or decline it.  Just ignored and let it ring through.  You stared at his picture on your phone that you set as his contact profile photo.  You remembered taking that picture.  It was senior year of high school and you and Justin were outside by a big tree.  So many pink flower petals had fallen underneath it and Justin was beaming and smiling.  You both were alone under the tree during your shared free period, laughing about the movie you guys went to see the other night.  A flower petal fell on his head and you took a picture of him with the petal in his hair.  He had such a big smile in it and he looked so happy.  It was pure joy.  You loved that picture.  Your phone stopped ringing and the picture went away.  You laid back down on your back and just began to cry and think about how much you like Justin and how you didn't tell him how you felt.  You got up and turned off your light and got back into bed.  You buried your face back into your pillow and cried yourself to sleep.