More Than A Friend

Chapter 4

You were on the couch downstairs binge watching one of your favorite TV shows.  It was now 5pm.  You felt your phone vibrate and you paused the show to check your phone.  Justin texted you.

Be there in 10 :)
Can't wait

You grabbed your purse and keys and put your phone into your purse.  Your parents were out and you didn't feel like texting them to say you were going out again.  You sat up on the couch and got to finish the last few minutes of the episode before you got a text.  You assumed it was Justin and just turned off the TV and got up.  You turned off the light and headed outside, locking the door behind you.  You saw Justin outside in his car.  You got in and set your purse down.  He smiled at you.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
He then pulled off the side of the street and drove off down the road.  During the ride, you guys talked a lot.  You both brought up old memories you shared of each other and it made you both really happy.  Before you knew it, you guys arrived at the skating rink.  It was an indoor one. You grabbed your purse and you guys headed out the car and inside.  You paid to rent skates for Justin and yourself.  You wanted to since he paid for breakfast that morning.  You guys sat at the bench and laced up.  You looked out at the ice then back at your skates.  The metal part looked so thin.  You didn't understand how it was supposed to hold you.
You and Justin had finished lacing up and you set your purse aside.
Justin stood up without a problem.
"Ready?" he asked looking down at you.  He gave you a hand to help you stand and when you felt him about to pull his hand back, you held him harder.
"What's the matter?"
"Um, I... like... kinda can't skate..."
"What?  Why did you agree to come skating with me?"
He held your hand tighter and took you by the other hand as well.
"I wanted to do something with you," you said looking up at him.
Justin smiled shyly and looked away before back up at you.
"Come on.  I'll show you."
He helped you out onto the ice holding you firmly by both hands and you were holding on tight hoping not to fall.
"Don't let go," you said once Justin dragged you out into the middle. 
"I won't," he said chuckling.
There were only a few other people out on the ice and more people out in the bleachers, a few making out with eachother.
I only see couples here.  Or what seem to be mostly couples.  Is Justin hinting something? He asked me out twice.  It's not a date though.  Is it?  Everyone else is in pairs.  People are making out and holding hands.  What's going on?
"You okay?" Justin asked making you snap out of your thoughts.
"Um, what?  Yeah, yeah, totally," you said with a shy smile.
Justin looked at you for a moment before moving and helping you and guiding you.  He told you how to stand and move and position yourself.
"I look like a weirdo," you said laughing.
Justin laughed too.  "You do not.  You look adorable," he said still holding you by both hands.  Then, he helped you stand straight and held you by the waist and turned you around so your back was to him.  He was holding you close, but your body wasn't pressed against him.  Just close enough so it felt like static electricity.
"Move your feet how I taught you," he said softly.  You slowly started and he continued to hold you by the waist and he moved with you.
"There you go.  Lead me to that corner," he said.
You moved slowly but you were getting the hang of it and with not much time, you made it to the corner and grabbed the railing.
"Awesome," he said looking at you.  He looked you straight into your eyes and smiled.
"How did you learn?"
"You know I play hockey."
"Right, I forgot," you said looking away shyly.
"Don't feel bad," he said moving his head to see your face.  "Look at me," he said.
You looked back at him and he had such a cute smile.
"It's okay," he said adjusting his head position now that you were looking straight back at him again.
"This was fun."
"Yeah, I'm glad we are hanging out again."
"I missed hanging out with you."
Justin nodded.  "So did I."
You couldn't tell if he was flirting or not.  He kept smiling and he called you adorable.  He held you close by the waist and he was looking straight at you.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" you said nicely.  "You're smiling so much."
"Yeah, you are adorable," he said blushing. 
You got lost in his smile for a moment and almost fell but he grabbed you by the arm.
"I got you," he said helping you stand straight.  He pulled you close.  Your body was up against his and he was looking down at you and you were both so close.
"I got you," he repeated again softly.
You didn't even think but you went for it.  You just leaned in and kissed him.  An open mouth kiss.  An actual kiss this time.  You kissed him and it wasn't a quick one.  You took in all of him and you were feeling an adrenaline rush and you didn't even think about what you were doing.  You just kept doing it.  You didn't even think about his girlfriend.  It all happened so fast in your head with thoughts mashing together that you tuned it all out and just kept kissing him.  Something was wrong though.  He wasn't kissing you back.  Then he pulled away and moved back with 2 strokes of his feet.  You held onto the railing and looked at him. 
Shit, maybe he wasn't flirting with me.  I'm toast.  But that felt so right.
Those thoughts ran through your head.
"What the hell," Justin said.  Then his face went into confusion and it quickly changed into anger.  He repeated the same words, but this time, sounding angry.
"What the hell!" he said angrily.  "Why would you do that?  Why would you even?  You know I am with somebody and you just KISS ME!"
You felt your face get hot and some eyes look over at you both and quickly look away.  People went back to what they were doing.
"Were you not thinking?  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?  You are NOT my girlfriend," he said yelling.
Justin never yelled at you like that before and the tears were welling up.
He started to calm down and softly made his way to you.  "Hold my shoulders," he said facing his back to you.  You hesitated.
"Hurry up!" he said. 
Then you quickly held onto his shoulders and he skated and helped you out of the rink and to the bench.  You guys changed out of your skates and he took them and returned them to the desk while you stayed behind just looking at the floor and feeling so angry and sad.
He came back and said, "Let's go."  You got up and got your purse.  You followed behind him instead of next to him in silence.
"Have a good day," the person at the desk called out to you both.  Neither one of you responded or even looked over at him.  Justin got in the car and you decided to sit in the back seat.  When he began to drive, you quietly cried in the backseat making sure not to be loud so he wouldn't hear.  You looked out the window and cried quietly and tried to sniffle very quiet.  Neither one of you spoke the entire ride and the radio was off.  He pulled up at your house and you quickly got out and began to storm out to your house and he got out and ran after you and grabbed you by the arm making you stop but you didn't make eye contact with him.  He stood in front of you.
"Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you and making a scene.  I wasn't... it... you..."
He took a deep breath and you continued to look down and this time, you didn't care if he heard you cry or saw the tears.  You cried but weren't so loud. 
He began to speak again.
"When you... you know... kissed me.  It wasn't bad at all.  In fact you are a good kisser-"
You cut him off.  "Stop sending me mixed messages.  You obviously don't like me so why are you complimenting me.  Just say what you have to say so I can leave and not have to be here with you."  You sniffled.  You were both silent for a moment.
"It's just, I am with Clarissa and I don't want to do anything to make her upset.  She's my girlfriend and well, you know.  And I didn't mean to yell and I'm just sorry."
You still never made eye contact.
"No, I'm sorry," you said before walking past him.  You opened your door and walked inside and slammed the door shut so hard that it even made you jump and you were the one who slammed it.  You locked the door and turned on the light.  You slid down against the door and cried on the floor.  You heard a car engine start and a car zoom down the street.  You got up and looked out the window.  Justin had left.
I screwed up.
You made your way to the couch and cried.
He was trying to make things better and I ruined it.  I kissed him when he had a girlfriend.  It's all my fault.  I never told him how I felt.  I waited all this time.  I got jealous which was selfish of me I guess.  I made that move.  I made things worse.  I yelled at him.  I didn't try and fix things when he wanted to.  I walked away from him.  I slammed the door on him.  It's all me.  Me me me.  I hate it.  I hate everything.
You took a throw pillow from the couch and covered your face and screamed so loud into it and threw it at the wall.  All you wanted to do was cry and throw things around.  You got up and knocked the remotes off the table and ran up to your room and slammed the door so hard that you felt the doorframe rattle.  You threw your shoes off and jumped into bed and cried harder than you ever had before into your pillow and cried yourself to sleep for yet another night.