All the time in the world (UsUk)

Chapter 12 - Independence

POV England

When I finished muttering the teleportation spell I finally allow myself to break down. It's always a mistake to show weakness, that's why I used all my will power to make sure I didn't start crying until America could no longer see me, it's something I've learned in my long life.

If you let someone see you in a weak state, especially someone who hates you, it will be used against you.

Why does everyone want to leave me? Why does it always happen, and always to me? I know I'm stubborn, bad tempered and can't cook, but I always end up alone no matter how hard I try.

I thought with America it was different, that I'd finally found the one person who would love me for me.

But I was just being naive and stupid, how could I get my hopes up so high. How could I allow myself to think that this relationship would end differently than all the others I've had in my life. I love my little brother America so much it hurts. I never had a proper family before and I thought I'd finally found the love of a family with him.

But he hates me just like everyone else. No one wants to be around me if they can help it, they'd all rather be with someone else, only talking to me if there is no one else to talk to or if they want something.

I can't keep any relationship together without it falling apart, I'm a complete failure. No one wants to be around someone as horrible as me.

Even someone as kind hearted and amazing as America can't stand me. No one can stand me, everyone hates me.

I've been alone my whole life, I thought I could handle it to until I met America. Now I know what I've been missing it makes the pain even worse. Rejection. Failure. Alone.

I start drinking, I've never handled alcohol well but now that's a blessing.

I drink more than I ever have and when my senses are dulled enough I cry myself to sleep. Even when I so drunk that I can't remember my own name the tears keep falling and I know that the worst experience of my life has caused them, thankfully I just don't know what is was as the tears keep falling and I sob loudly, drunkly into the pillow.

POV America

What have I done? What have I done? I think over and over. I'm staring at he spot where England vanished, I haven't moved and I don't think I can. I'm frozen in place not quite able to believe what has just happened.

The situation is only now starting to sink in. If only this was all a horrible, horrible dream. The only man who's ever loved me is gone because of my selfish actions. It's all my fault, I drove him out, if I could turn back time I would stop myself, I would listen to all England's criticisms for all eternity and let him do everything.

I'm so selfish, I'm just selfish and greedy and horrible. I just pushed away the one person who understands me. I just pushed away my only source of happiness in life. I just pushed away the only person I can trust.

We've never even had a fight before. Not a proper one anyway, I don't know what is going happen next. Are we going to war? Are we at war already? That thought finally brings me out of my shock and into tears.

I'm going to war with the only man I love who will never love me again.

I can't take back what I said, the damage is done.

I wrap my bomber jacket around myself tightly pretending it's England as I hold one of the beautiful handcrafted soldiers he gave me all those years ago tightly in my hand, staring at its solemn looking paint chipped face through my tears.

As I cry myself to sleep the fact that this is the worst thing I've done in my life and the worst experience of life fly around my head taunting me as I try to get to the ignorance of sleep. I cry so hard and for so long that eventually I can't cry anymore and I'm just a shivering, shaking mess that sleep won't come to.