My Unlikely Best Friend

Chapter 22

"What?" I asked taken aback by his question, not knowing what else to say.

He averted his attention from the sun and looked at me, slightly smiling. "He loves you Dawn. God. Loves. You."

I paused for a moment in shock, with a hint of disgust to my face.

Why is he telling me this?

"How could you say that to me?" I asked, trying my best to stay calm. "How could you say that God loves me when I was diagnosed with... leukemia at nine and not expected to live even to eighteen?" My eyes started to become blurred by angry tears. "It doesn't make any sense whatsoever!"

His smile disappeared, "I'm so sorry to hear that...I...I didn't know..."

"It's not fair, because I needed Him," I blurted out, interrupting him. "I needed Him and He was never there for me in my troubles. So I came to a conclusion that there is no such thing as a loving God and if there is, then he must hate me and enjoy seeing my misery. He's the one who gave me this illness, punishing me for probably being born!"

"It must've been very hard for you, to hear a doctor diagnose you with a deadly illness at such a young age," he said gently, aware of all the mental pain was in at that moment.

"It... was," I choked through my sobs, wiping away the seemingly endless tears that kept slipping down my cheeks.

"But I also must tell you that, God doesn't make anybody sick, sickness comes the Devil," he said, then I was about to say something, but he continued. "And yes, God, does allow things to happen to us in our lives, for whatever reason, but no, it's not out of hate, it's out of love."

I rolled my eyes and said sarcastically, "Out of love? Sure..."

"I can prove to you right now that Jesus Christ, loves you."

I waited a moment, then said, "Okay...prove it..." I actually wanting to hear what he had to say.

"Feel your heart."

I stared at him blankly, "What?..."

"C'mon, feel it," he said a little playfully, then I did and gave him a 'what now?' look. "Did you know that every heart beat you have is because God intended it to happen," he said and I listened. "Back then, in the times of the Bible, sparrows were sold for a penny, a penny, yet not one of them would fall to the ground without God knowing about it. Nothing on earth happens without Him knowing about it. And if He cares so much more for the human race, than a whole flock of sparrows, won't He also watch after you that much more?"

I shrugged, "I still don't understand why...He's letting me go through this. Like if my mom were able to, she'd take away my disease in an instant, without a second thought, because she loves me and wants what's best for me." I said and he nodded. "I don't see how a 'loving' God, would just sit and watch 'someone He loves' going through so much heartache, without doing anything to help."

"Steel cannot be perfected, unless it goes through the fire."

After a moment of me trying to figure out he had said, I lightly shook my head, giving up. "What do you mean?"

"The reason why God allows these, sometimes tragedies to happen to us is because he wants to perfect us through our trials," he said. "For example; it's hard for someone's faith to increase
dramatically unless it is tested. It is through tests and trials that our faith and confidence in God can grow." He cocked his head to the side to get a good look into my eyes. "Do you understand what i'm saying?"

I looked away from him, to the ground and said, "I...I understand what your saying, but I just don't know if i'm able to believe it, knowing He's fully capable of healing me, but won't. I probably disgust Him," I said sadly.