My Unlikely Best Friend

Chapter 61

It was early the next day when I made it inside the hospital and I'd say it was about the same time I arrived yesterday. A bit of annoyance pecked at me when I realized that I had to wait my turn to get a visitor's pass, which was just a sticker with the current date on it; but honestly I had no reason to be impatient. The line only held three people ahead of me. I could wait.

As I stood in line, my mind couldn't think of anything else aside from what happened last night. The memory was stuck on reply since I woke up this morning; and I still can't believe I allowed myself to cry in front of Lauren, the thought itself made me cringe. I felt mortified everytime my accursed brain brought it back to my remembrance. I wasn't exactly one who knew how to cry 'cutely', so I can only imagine how ugly my red face was and how monstrous my cries sounded. Oh, the embarrassment! But I have to admit that it wasn't... all that awful.

While I lied my head on her lap, last night, I couldn't deny the comfort Lauren gave me as I spilled parts of my heart out to her. I didn't know how but she actually understood everything I said; and it made me feel cared about, knowing that she made a huge effort, deciphering each word that left my quivering lips. I truly felt safe, in that moment, but most importantly I also felt... loved. The way she rocked me and tousled my hair made me feel like a child again, but this time I felt that I was cherished instead of looked over.

"I care for you and love you even though you might hate me."

Those heart breaking words she spoke, got me to finally realize how much of prick I've been to her and it saddened me terribly. I looked back on all the years I've been with her and became fully aware of how much of a sorry excuse for a son I was. I've caused her so much trouble and stress that it really made me wonder how it's possible that she's never come to hate me... but simply continued to love me. If I was her, I would've been put back in the system a long time ago. Where does she get her patience from?

For years Lauren has always reminded me that she was praying for me, but for the first time, last night, I actually allowed her to lay a hand on me while she prayed; it was right before I fell asleep and I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but it was first time, since my drug-happy days, when I slept soundly throughout the night. I felt well rested and everything; and it meant more to me because since the accident, I've made myself ill with worry, which had worsened my sleep patterns, but since I woke up I didn't feel any of that negative and heavy weight on me, instead I felt... good.

I didn't understand it. I was on my way to see Dawn, what at all is calming about that? She's most likely still in that bed of hers, unconscious.

Maybe it was Lauren's God who's given me peace as I slept and as I stood in line, but it also could've just been the comforting thought of having a parent that actually cared for me.

Although, as I thought deeper about the current situation Dawn was in... the calmness I felt only a second ago, left. It didn't last long and I wished that it did; but nothing good ever lasts with me. It was something that I was used to. I wasn't surprised, not even in the slightest way. Pleasant moments and good things come one second but in the next they've already vanished.

No matter how much I harden my heart, the feeling of being let down still hits me the same, though; it's like my mum kissing my face while calling me Tommy and promising me that she'd quit using dope in order to get me back from Child Protective Services, but knowing that she never did was like a kick to my already badly bruised stomach.

I still loved and cared for her, at the time, even though she'd beat me and call me names. She was all I had. There was no one else anymore; but wouldn't I have been all she had also? Probably not, she had something even better to keep her company than her own child.